Sunday, December 11, 2022

під лежачий камінь вода не тече

I’m sure johnlock exists because Conan Doyle used ejaculate so much…

I haven’t run or walked since my disastrous finish at the Turkey Trot.

I deferred my entry for a 5K / Half Marathon combo this weekend.

I have the Dopey Challenge in less than a month and I haven’t successfully finished a half marathon since last January.

You can’t fake a marathon, so as long as I get a little further than when I was swept last year, I’ll be happy.

I keep thinking about why I chose to start running.

Why I chose to do Dopey two years in a row, knowing that I wasn’t going to train for it properly.

I don’t know if this is depression or weight gain or… something I can’t put my finger on.

I’m still shocked that I put in all that work with a running coach and didn’t even plateau.

No. I couldn’t do something that actually makes sense.

Instead, I went on a downward spiral so brutal I’m still trying to figure out what went wrong.

And I really doubt it’s a simple as exercise induced asthma, although that’s a great excuse.

 

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In other news, last Sunday, I had my first nosebleed. (Seriously. Never had one before.)

Monday, I had my second and third.

Tuesday, I had my fourth, my fifth, and my sixth.

Wednesday, I went to Urgent Care looking for a quick fix or a reason. Had my seventh.

Thursday, saw an ENT who found the equivalent of a pimple in my nose and zapped it. Was told more nosebleeds were part of the healing process. (What the actual FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!)

Friday, had my eighth right as a zoom meeting started. Ninth was so bad I freaked out. Tenth was annoying.

I haven’t had a nosebleed since Friday night, but I’m terrified of it starting again.

That’s part of why I deferred my race entry. I didn’t want to be on a course somewhere, not near a med tent, if it started again. It wasn’t like I could carry a box of Kleenex and a garbage can with me.

 

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I’m getting a very generous raise effective January first, and a nice Christmas bonus.

Except, since my longevity at jobs is so bad (can I call it shortgevity?), that the owner said it was a bribe to make me stay.

I wanted to tell him that hurt and that he could keep his money…

It’s not like I take jobs planning to leave in a year or two.

Seriously. Why the fuck would I do this myself?

More importantly, with the exception of Global Spectrum, who actually plans on leaving a place every few years? (At Global, it was the norm to look for better positions, at better arenas. Every week, they sent out an internal job posting email, and by the end of the 30 day posting period, most of those jobs were gone. I love the hire from within culture as long as it’s followed through.)

I really like it at most of the jobs I take, but I always end up leaving when something triggers the bipolar, or the politics in the office become unbearable.

For example: I kind of liked my job at an airport, but the owner was spending so much and the books were so bad, that payroll was withheld twice. I can’t work and not get paid.

For example: I liked the health care company I worked at, but there were two bullies who made everyone miserable. I was given a promotion, but no raise, with the entire job description being to keep those two in line. In the end, I guess the joke’s on them. I had been working with the Controller on a super secret project to prepare the financials needed to sell the company. The company was sold and everyone lost their jobs. I would have been one of them if I hadn’t left before that.

For example: I liked the HVAC company I worked for, but I hated the Assistant Controller. She was on a mission to get the CFO fired so she could take his job. When he retired, we were supposed to be co-Controllers, but she started doing some shady shit with the financials to get him out the door. I left for Florida, and she got fired by the Board because they didn’t like her. I still can’t help but wonder if she would have taken me down with her. My gut says yes.

For example: I LOVED my job with the Cats… but that was the third time I had stayed until I couldn’t fight the bipolar any more. We all know how that ended. It was the first time I’d ever been fired for losing control of it. Because I refused to let myself quit. That only confirmed that my pattern was correct… so I stuck to it.

All in all, it makes me wonder if I should give up. We can’t really afford the loss of my salary if I were to go on Disability, and I need to work or I’ll go crazy. (Which is awesome considering it is holding a job that creates issues.)

But.

I guess it’s nice to have that option in my back pocket… even if it’s going to be a battle to qualify.

 

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And finally, I’ve given up on my Ukrainian lessons for a bit.

I only want to learn from native speakers. From Ukraine.

Of course, Ukraine is still having problems with their electrical grid and rolling blackouts are a thing. I’ve had two classes that needed to be rescheduled because of Putin.

But I know my teacher needs the money more than I do, so I’ve been doing the best I can to work with it.

But for as frustrating as it is for me, I can only imagine what it’s like for her.

The strain of living there is obvious in the lines of her face, the forced way she says ‘good’ when I ask her how she is doing.

Related: I’ve been watching Sims YouTubers who narrate in Ukrainian, and that’s been helping my listening comprehension quite a bit.

So. On that happy note, I’m going to end it right here. Have the best rest of your day and I’ll see you all tomorrow.

Bye, everybody.

(I need to cut back on the lilsimsie videos…)