Monday, May 06, 2013

*snorts* // *squees* // *giggles*

So.

I’ve been against temping because I can’t make the amount of money I need to make to… I don’t know. Keep a roof over my head, maybe? Plus, there’s the whole issue of taking time off to interview for a “real” job.

I did the math this weekend, and as long as I earn more than $10.67/hour, I’ll be making more in a 40 hour week than I would if I were sitting on my ass collecting unemployment.

That’s really sobering, considering I was making well over that before The Great Life Altering Screw Over of February 2013.

I’m going to a temp agency tomorrow. One I’ve dealt with before and I know they have positions I can do, that actually pay more than that.

I guess we’ll have to see what happens.

Oh! Look! It’s one of my pictures!

I will forever respect you if you recognize this intersection.

——

I’ve been struggling with the end of my fan fic because, really, I am shit with endings. (See NaNos that NEVER end.)

I came up with this this morning:
“Little did John know, Sherlock had deleted the fact that the Earth revolved around the sun. It only came to light when the star burning far above, at the center of their solar system, was about to explode, and in that hot flash just before the end, none of it would really matter. Not the lady in pink, not the Hounds of Baskerville. Definitely not The Woman or Moriarty. None of their sacrifices. Nothing would make much difference in the grand scheme of things. Not in this universe anyway.”

Granted, it’s not original, because I totally stole the non-Sherlock text from my favorite little shit, Orion, but I like it any way:
“Little did he know, the sun - the star burning far above, at the center of their solar system - was about to explode, and in that hot flash just before the end, none of it would really matter. Not Henry back home. Not the girl. None of their sacrifices. Nothing would make much difference in the grand scheme of things. Not in this universe anyway.”

It cracks me up because that bit about Sherlock deleting the information about the solar system is canon-compliant both in the ACD and BBC universes and it fits so well with Orion’s original ending.

The dedication to my fan fic? Easy peasy, mac and cheesy:
For Orion, who let me mangle his suggested ending for this so that it would comply with canon. For my moose and little man, who keep life interesting. For that guy I live with, who… well… fucked if I know.

——

Guinness hurt his shoulder at day care last Monday, so he and I have been chilling since I got let go (laid off? quit?) last Wednesday. He’s big, he’s energetic, and he’s BORED. If he were Sherlock (either canon), he’d be shooting at the wall. Hopefully, he’ll make me believe he’s fine so that he can go back tomorrow.

——

Rewatching Nine’s episodes of Doctor Who. What a cheeky little bastard. I totally appreciate him more now that I’ve seen the progression from Nine to Eleven. David Tennant will always be my favorite, because… adorable!... but I totally love all three of them. I just wish I could get into the earlier episodes. I want to know, specifically, what people saw in Four. Maybe it’s the era they were filmed in, but zzzzzzzzzzzz.

——

And with that, I’m off to search for more jobs.

Friday, May 03, 2013

I legit love this fandom

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Moffat wrote that episode. I almost love him for that.

*shakes fist*

I just watched “The Good Night” because it has Martin in it. The man has the most expressive face I’ve ever seen… and I will never understand his love of cable knit jumpers. I was only half paying attention to the movie because I was on the phone with my pimp, Jim. (Dog, I have pimps and drug dealers in my life. I really should start calling people what they are, shouldn’t I? But calling people recruiters and psychiatric nurse practitioners who specialize in psych meds is SO boring.)

Where was I?

Oh, right. Jumpers. As far as I can tell, he wears two. Exactly the same, except one is a sage green and the other is oatmeal.

A fucking OATMEAL jumper. I’d bet it’s the same exact one he wears in Sherlock.

The man is insane.

——

This wasn’t meant to be a post about Martin Freeman. Or Benedict Cumberbatch’s cheekbones… even though I could go on about those FOREVER. And that voice… pure sex. Fringy-Sideburny-Gingerbatch is definitely hot. GAH. I need to stop before I start a Sherlock marathon and completely lose my mind.

(I’m finally watching “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” and OMG he is amazing. I’m freaking out over here. Totally disgusting fangirling.)

——

So, let’s get to the point, shall we?

I’ve found two international companies worth working for and one with the potential to go global. One of them I actually have a connection at - but I’m probably really not qualified for it. I can’t see that person going out on a limb for me. Plus, it’s in Amsterdam. I don’t have a problem with Amsterdam - besides the fact that I keep spelling it wrong - but why would a company take a risk on moving someone who is definitely not qualified overseas?

I’m a little amazed that I don’t really care that I’m unemployed right now. Such a weird change from the last time… but after everything they had put me through, it was heart breaking to be let go so coldly. Other than the recruiter, I haven’t done much in the way of looking. I decided to take these last two days off. It’s my mother’s birthday today, dad’s anniversary was Monday, and we went through so much shit with Guinness over the weekend that I just needed a break from the drama. 

I’m still not experienced enough for some of the accounting jobs I want and that is upsetting, but I don’t know what to do. It’s not like I can magically learn about STAT or IFRS, or ERP systems, or Great Plains, or even earn a MBA or CPA overnight…

I’m second guessing myself about not applying for the job at Sig. It’s everything I want in a job and absolutely NOTHING I want in a company. (I mean, come on. Even at my most manic, reckless, stupid moments, I can NOT forget about this. Or my experience.)

I wish I could separate the two. You have no idea how badly I want to be able to separate the two. 

Fucking morals…

Thursday, May 02, 2013

You lose.

Aw… smiley Star Trekbatch. The ONLY reason I’m going to sit through the new Star Trek movie…

My friend, K, posts lots of parenting stuff on Facebook and one of today’s topics was about helicopter parents. The moral of the story is to leave your kids alone and let them fail.

I had to comment on the post - it was too perfect to pass up. “Judging from the number of times my father uttered the phrase, “We’re playing a game and it’s called ‘You Lose’.”, my younger years were FULL of fail.”

That, of course, got me thinking about all the failing I did.  And holy shit. My younger years being chock full o’ fail really isn’t an exaggeration. Not at all.

I said a couple of days ago that I went back through all my old journals. It’s all there in black (blue, purple, red, green, even pink) and white. In journals covered with stickers of local indie bands. In journals covered with headlines and snarky comments carefully cut out of magazines. In journals filled with ticket stubs, crappy drawings, and crappier story ideas. In journals filled with enormously impossible amounts of teenaged angst. In journals that show a clear progression of love, loss, hatred, more hatred, mania, depression, and some - but not a lot - of healing.

I’m not going to go into the details of what I’d like to call my ‘greatest hits’, but trust me. If I were a musician, they’d fill a 10 CD box set. At the very least.

The last time I saw my father alive, he said everything I ever needed to hear. He let me know, rather vaguely, that there were times when I actually won the game of “You Lose” because I learned my lessons. Maybe we had to play the same round several times (might have had something to do with my small addiction to ‘bad boys’... yeah. definitely did.), but the lessons were eventually learned.

If I ever lost my mind and decided to have kids, I know I’d be playing “You Lose” with them as well.

Is it the best way to parent? Probably not…

But I can guarantee you, it teaches kids a LOT about the real world.

I love Kim Rhodes. Like REALLY love her.

I have recently become aware of a weird cultural war going on between those who have children and those who choose not to. For some reason, individuals in the former camp are making it their mission to convert those in the latter. “Have children!” they are championing. “It’s the best decision you can make! You’re selfish if you don’t! It will complete your life! HAVE A FUCKING KID!” I am here to tell you, don’t have a child if you don’t want a child. Don’t. It will destroy you as you know you, and if you don’t want one, the sacrifice won’t be worth it.

While most of the SPN cast I’ve met at cons are the sweetest people ever, I’ve never met anyone like Kim. She’s just awesome. Overly awesome. (And she needs to come back to the show!!!!!)

If you don’t read her blog, you really don’t know what you’re missing. This is probably my favorite blog entry of hers - and I’ve loved lots of them - because she says exactly what I’m thinking about this “culture war”.

I’ve been more open about the bipolar than I’ve ever been about getting my tubes tied, the decision NOT to have kids, and basically, my complete and utter disdain for most children. Some break through, like L, but for the most part, kids skeeve me out.

I don’t have whatever IT is that makes other people go “OH! BABY!” If I go “OH! BABY!” then you’ll know I’m drunk off my ass.

And, of course, the likelihood of that ever happening is zilch.

So, yeah, babies: bad. My crush on Kim Rhodes: out of control.