Sunday, July 07, 2013

For every sad, there is a happy

i love whomever made this!

I had that ‘refresher’ interview on Friday.

What a weird time… but I’ll get to that in a minute. Let’s start at the beginning. Shall we?

It started with him emailing me. In it, he told me that he wrote me this really long email, but never sent it. Then he wanted to know how my job search was going.

Turns out, that after my interview with him at the end of May, he had to make a political hire. (Whether that’s a lie, I don’t know…)

So Friday’s interview was lunch off-site because he didn’t want to be anywhere in the building when we talked. Walls have ears and all that.

During the interview, he told me more than once that I was his first choice. I guess to prove that it was a political hire? Again, I don’t know…

We chatted. We laughed. We bonded.

He pulled out real-life financials, invoices, and reports and asked me to analyze them.

He pop quizzed me several times on accounting techniques. (He kept apologizing for it, but it was kind of funny. I apologized several times for rolling my eyes.)

He asked me how to fix a printer. (I’m fucking serious. It was pretty hilarious.)

He told me exactly what he wanted me to take ownership of.

He told me exactly what he expected of me when I started.

Then, without meaning to, he pulled a Sherlock when he asked me if I was OK with him singing in the office. (For reference, during Sherlock and John’s first meeting, Sherlock says, “I play the violin when I’m thinking. Sometimes I don’t talk for hours on end. would that bother you? Potential flatmates should know the worst about each other.”)

I wasn’t sure if I should laugh hysterically or hug him for that.

He said I should hear back from him soon. He wasn’t sure if the owners needed to be involved or not before he made a decision. (I don’t know if they need to be - they got the resume and gave it to him, so obviously, they liked me on some level.)

I don’t want to be to optimistic, but I’m hoping to hell this means that I’m getting an offer.

Soon.

——

After moping around this morning for too long, the Duke of Stud texted me. Didn’t exactly help, per se, but he distracted me and made me laugh for a little bit. I can’t complain about that.

We’re figuring us out. Day by day.

He’s getting better, but I still feel like he’s still a ticking time bomb.

I guess I’ve been burned by him too many times.

BUT…

He offered to do something like the GORUCK with me after the spring of 2014. I’m looking forward to that. It’ll be nice to do it with friends…

After we got done talking, I realized that while I didn’t do the PT with the team, I walked the entire thing with them (however many miles). WITH MY RUCK ON. IN 90 DEGREE WEATHER.

I guess that’s something to be proud of.

... and so I will be.

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

I need a mulligan!

silly americans, pants are underwear!

Unfortunately, I’m still one of those assholes who make fun of Americans’ misunderstanding of English words…

——

I had to apologize this morning for Guinness biting another dog at day care. Not really his fault (there was a skirmish in the pack and it was self-defense), but he broke the skin and the other dog needed stitches. It’s easy to forget he’s a big, tough, STRONG German Shepherd because he’s so ridiculously gentle most of the time… but dogs will be dogs, and he is a dog. Too many people forget that their dogs are dogs. I try not to.

——

I got an email this morning that… I don’t know. I’m posting a heavily edited version here so I don’t lose it.

Ok, I don’t want you to think I am ignoring you… It isn’t anything to do with you, but more to do with a friendship you have rekindled… I’m not asking you to be involved. In fact, I am asking the opposite. I just wanted to inform you.

This person’s timing is freaky. This is now the second time they’ve brought up a topic on the tail of someone else bringing up the same thing. It’s the second time I’ve revised a blog entry draft because of that fact. (Get out of my head, you! *grin*)

The good news is that they were much nicer about it than the other person.

I’m never going to judge them for deciding to stay away from him.

I know that he’s done some major damage to people. I know he still has the potential to do some major damage. I know most of it is unforgivable. 

I do. I really do. It’s why we’ve done our little back and forth over the years. It’s why this time, I’m keeping my walls up. It’s why this time, I’m keeping my distance. A bit.

There’s only so much I can do… Moth to a flame, baby. Moth. To. A. Flame.

He needs me, and oddly, despite all the damage he can inflict on me (especially now when I’m a mental mess), I need him, too.

I’ll never be able to explain it. I’ll never be able to cut him out of my life 100%. Dog knows I’ve tried. More than once. Going all the way back to 1994.

Outside of my parents, there are two people whose absences from my life have cut me to the bone. They were the people who meant the most to me and were there when I needed them the most… and then they were gone.

He was one of them.

I’m glad that I don’t have to chose him over the note writer, and the more I chew on the other person’s reaction, I’m glad I’m choosing him over them.
——

In happier news, I finally heard back from the hotel chain. He wants to do a ‘refresher’ interview since we last met in May. (I don’t know what else to call it…) So I guess I’m going back for a third.

Fingers crossed!

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Turning lemons into limes

i fucking LOVE this fandom so much

We might be complete psychotics and hate each other with a passion, but when it really matters, we pull together…

I hope there’s video of their meeting when it happens.

——

I’ve been talking about the “Douglas Adams Trilogy” for a while.

And, son of a bitch, wouldn’t you know I actually managed it? Despite really wanting to avoid that and maybe keep it to a real trilogy as planned?

I added a fifth part and had to shoehorn it in between Parts 3 and 4. It was the only thing that made sense.

Five books in an Adams Trilogy. Five parts in the Cabin Pressure fan fic from hell.

I suppose it’s a good thing I’m against a Kevin Smith or Star Wars Trilogy*.

*sigh*

I also discovered there were more lemons in my fic than just the traveling one. I didn’t mean to write them - they just sort of happened. I thought I’d done a good job of not going too far down the citrus route… I’m going to have to turn those lemons into limes because, as it turns out, I have a fully stocked citrus pocket.

(I am completely aware that in several years I’ll look back at this entry and will need Google to decipher what all that means. I won’t think less of you if you need to do that now.)

I’m tempted to throw the stupid thing away and start fresh.

——

*There WERE five parts in the Kevin Smith trilogy until he fucked it up and added “Clerks 2” to the VA’verse. There was also a heated discussion this morning between J and I about whether or not the two Star Wars Trilogies were actually separate trilogies, or a Kevin Smith Trilogy. I vote that Star Wars is TWO trilogies - the Anakin as pre-Vader trilogy (aka the shitty one) and the Anakin as Vader trilogy (aka the good one).

I’d also like to point out that a Kevin Smith trilogy will now include SEVEN separate bits when he releases “Clerks 3”.

That shit’s just crazy.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

I really can do it…

consulting-sonic asks the important questions

Speaking of shouting: “THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I’VE EVER READ IN MY LIFE. OH MY GOODNESS. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING THIS. AH. IT’S SO PERFECT.”

Not as loud but just as meaningful: “I adore this story. It is so perfectly their relationship that it just…it is. I don’t even know what to say. Brilliantly done. Thank you!”

(Since I got an email asking for the link to be made available publicly on here: AO3 and FFN.Same version, but the two sites are very different. I’m partial to AO3.)

It’s hard to write anything - be it for school, for fun, for work, or for publication - but to write something based on well fleshed out, well-loved characters…

it’s so hard, it’s almost impossible.

To put it out there, for others to see? I’d rather… I don’t know… suffer through something ridiculously painful.

Like putting it out there for others to see.

Are my characters perfect? NO. Sherlock feels like he’s more out of character than John, I kind of explain why he’s OOC, which makes it OK. A bit. John fluctuates from being as close to in character as I can get him to tying into the fandom’s head canon. That’s not terrible, I guess.

I put a lot of time into this. I dug in deep and pulled out aspects of my platonic relationships with my little brother, with the Duke of Stud, and even with J (thank you, bipolar meds *sigh*). I lost track of all the times I proofread it. I even made J proofread it. (And he doesn’t read. EVER!) I watched the show as much as possible. (Well, I substituted the unaired pilot for Reichenbach… There’s only so much I’m willing to do for my art. *grin*)

I can’t tell you how excited I am that I’m getting reviews - NICE ones, at that - but, I’m still waiting for a negative one, or even constructive criticism. Not that I want to get my feelings hurt, but it feels like a rite of passage, kinda.

Since I’m all focused on fanfic right now, my Cabin Pressure one has gone through the first round of editing. The Y-L-B issue has kind of been taken care of. Kinda. I still feel like it’s important to the plot in Parts 2 and 3, but I think I’m going to end up doing the same thing I did with the Sherlock fic and just ignore the last episode. It feels like a cop out, though. I still don’t know what to do… the cliffhanger is huge and it was the driver of the plot. After doing the first edit, I can take it out without too much damage, but, but, but, but… ARGH!

You think I would have learned after all the shit the Sherlock fic put me through.

*sigh*

Friday, June 28, 2013

Do you have a boyfriend? Which is fine, by the way.

truer words were never spoken

There are 3 major components to human sexuality: biological sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity.

Each of these 3 components offer multiple variables and the variables with which you present comprise your sexuality.

Asserting that any one set of these variables is any better than another is ludicrous.

LOVE WHO YOU WANT. IT’S ALL FINE

(Still celebrating the fact that DOMA and Prop 8 are dead.)

——

I have a phone screen today with a company based over an hour away from here.  They have clients that hire them for accounting duties and then they assign clients to their accounting staff… I’d be part of that staff and after some training at HQ, I’d be able to work from home.The pay’s not the greatest, but I think I can offset that by not having to commute.

Can I work from home? That’s the magic question, isn’t it?

I’m terribly lonely right now, but I’m also sitting on the couch, doing absolutely nothing after I do my few hours of job searching. Part of that is because I know I’m no fun right now (wicked, wicked, wicked, deep dark depression) and part of that is all the people that I’d hang out with don’t live around me. If I wasn’t depressed, I’d probably be doing some projects around the house. But I can barely get out of bed to get Guinness to day care… and the only reason he’s even going is because we prepaid in January for the year.

If I were working, I’d have contact with people. I’d have a reason to get out of bed. I know I have the discipline to work from home…

Let’s hope the screen goes better than that assessment earlier this week, because that completely set my mental state back quite a few notches.

——

Playing in John Finnemore’s sandbox and writing this Cabin Pressure fan fic is KILLING me.

The series is set in real time, so Series 1 took place in 2008 and it goes all the way through Series 4 which takes place in 2013. (The only oddity is that Arthur stated to be 29 in the first three series… Considering that Finnemore plays Arthur, you think he’d catch that. *sigh* At least that doesn’t screw up anything because I couldn’t remember how old Arthur was in Series 4 so I said he was in his early thirties.)

I have this great story, but the timeline fell to shit when I realized that possibly the most important part of my story takes place in 2013. Everything kind of hangs on the events of “Yverdon-les-Bains”, which is the last episode in Series 4. The other important parts I’ve squeezed in between series… Part 1 of the trilogy takes place in October 2009, Part 2 in 2011 (which - the way I wrote it - included the resolution of Y-L-B’s cliffhanger), Part 3 was scheduled to fit around Christmas 2012, and Part 4 was pushed out to 2014 to make something important make sense in the canon timeline.

Everything in the first three parts references Y-L-B and I knew the reference didn’t really belong in Part 1, but I had to write the next parts to see where it would fit better. EVERYTHING in the second part happens because of Y-L-B,  but since the second part kind of needs to happen before 2013, I’m totally screwed.

The only good thing is that Part 1 is Martin’s story, which while dependent on Douglas’ divorce in 2009, doesn’t need Y-L-B in it. The only problem is that I like having Part 2 in Paris, and Paris was aired in 2011… I think I may have to find a new city for that piece of the story to take place in. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck…

Being unemployed right now is not good, but at least I have this to distract me and keep me busy. VERY busy.