Tuesday, May 28, 2013

I know that this is vitriol, no solution, spleen venting…

oh, whovians, you are full of awesome

Today has been full of highs and lows.

I scheduled two interviews today, so that makes three this week. (WOOOO!)

At the same time, I’m getting a lot of feedback that employers are worried about my commute. (BOOOOOOO!)

I’ve been applying for jobs almost exclusively in Massawhozits lately. There’s not much in NH that will pay me what I need to make, and honestly, all the cool jobs are down south. Most of them are within an hour’s drive from here.

I’m not going to lie about being concerned about the commute. It’s a HUGE concern, but it’s something I’ve got to come to terms with if I’m going to get a job there.

 

<.begin temper tantrum>

It’s frustrating the hell out of me because it’s not their choice… Don’t they think I’ve agonized over EVERY. SINGLE. Boston area job I’ve applied for? Is Cambridge too far? Billerica? Peabody? Quincy? Watertown? Waltham? How am I going to get there from here?

If you don’t believe how much I’ve thought about this commute, just look at my Mapquest history… EVERY. SINGLE. CITY. from here to (almost) the South Shore has either been Mapquested or I’ve planned the trip on the MTBA’s website before I even send out my resume. Let me say that again… BEFORE I EVEN SEND OUT MY RESUME.

I’d freaking kill for the political group job, and I know I’ve talked about the commute. I know I’m worried about the commute right now. I’m wondering if it’s worth it. I know, I know, I know… if I’m not sure I want to take the chance, why should they?

But let that be MY choice.

I’d rather they come out and tell me that I’m too expensive - I mean, there’s a reason they’re asking that first, right? - then to tell me after phone screens, interviews, web surveys, and whatever fresh forms of hell are out there for the job seeker, that they don’t like the commute.

It’s not like the fact I live an hour north is a secret. It’s literally the third line on my resume. If it’s going to be a problem, they’ll know right away. It’s not fair to waste my time on all this stuff if they’re going to write me off because of my zip code.

It pisses me off a metric shit ton because they decide it AFTER they talk to me, after they get my hopes up…

and it’s not fucking fair.

<./end temper tantrum>

In other news, there’s always that new friend who says something - without even meaning to - that gives you moments of Teh Happy when you need it.

AWESOME NEW FRIEND: I was teaching a class at the local Community College on Creative Writing. You wouldn’t believe how bad they were, so I’m sorry if I have a pre-disposed notion of how people write.

ME: I guarantee if you dig into my blog, you’ll be disappointed.

Generally I’m a pretty decent writer. I took a few writing courses and always did very well in them.

ANF: I can see why. Your structure is excellent and so is your grammar.

(I’m pretty sure he still hasn’t stopped by here, even though he knows where to find me… He’d take that back in a heartbeat. *grin*)

I need to find me some more laughing/giggling/smileybatch…

 

Cardiff? I know where that is!

ah, laughingbatch…

Have a job interview on Thursday with a large international company… like they have several offices in the UK. Including one in Cardiff. Amazingly, I’ve heard of Cardiff. (My knowledge may or may not be based on the fact that that’s where Doctor Who, Torchwood, and Sherlock are filmed.)

I’m in a pissy mood today and I don’t know why.

I started my day with a bowl of ice cream (normally a surefire cure although maybe not the best choice for breakfast…), and it did nothing. That’s not a good sign.

While I was playing ‘how many times can I hit the snooze button and still wake up on time’, I heard three of my favorite songs. I even stayed awake long enough to sing all of “(Don’t Go Back To) Rockville” before hitting the snooze button. It’s been a long time since I’ve been happy to hear R.E.M. on the radio. So that can’t be it. I’m watching a movie that has David Tennant in it, WITH his Scottish accent. So that can’t be it either.

I think I’m just tired of being unemployed and stuck home all day. It’s finally broken me. I don’t even want to look for jobs today…

So. Laughingbatch it is, because he always makes me smile.

Monday, May 27, 2013

My life - tumblr style

yep.

“The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.”

I see this quote all over the place lately - normally paired with Doctor Who graphics, because, honestly, it seems to fit the Doctor the best. (Especially Ten for some reason. Oh, wait. I know the reason and it’s called DOOMSDAY. Damn you, RTD! You’re almost as bad as Moffat.)

It reminds me of all the outreach I tend to do on tumblr. All the kids who talk about cutting, suicide, depression… Yeah, my time on tumblr is not ALL about reblobbing pictures of hot English boys. I am a growed up sometimes. (I know! ME! A growed up.)

Some days, I feel like I missed my true calling. I know I’m making a difference to some of these kids and I wonder if I’d be better served getting paid to help others learn from my shitty experiences. Then again, I’m a little too damaged to be of much use most of the time.

I spend way too much time trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. And that’s even without being unemployed. Understandably, being unemployed cranks it to twelve.

Why else would I have two college degrees?

I’ve been spending today wondering what day my interview with the CPA firm will be. All I know right now is that it’s at some point this week. Wondering if it’s really the path I want to go back down.

Let’s be honest, shall we?

—CRAZY ALERT—I really, really, really, REALLY enjoyed tax season. It made me feel, I don’t know, kind of alive? It pushed me to my limits, education-wise.—END CRAZY ALERT—

I even liked working on clients’ books and closing the months.

I didn’t like the management. I didn’t like the summer.

Will it be different this time?

I don’t know.

And it’s the not knowing that scares the shit out of me.

I don’t want to take the first job offered to me, even though I need to get back to work. Like NEED to… but I’m afraid of passing up a good job for one that’s still only a possibility. I’m nervous about the CPA job because it’s through a recruiter and those employers normally are quicker to hire.

Of course, there’s still the issue that the one position I think I could love has a lot going against it. 

Screw it.

I’m going back to school to become a therapist.

The writing bug

sometimes, the jokes write themselves

If he’s not the most adorkable thing you’ve ever seen, then I don’t know if we can be friends.

——

I reread my Johnlock fan fic this morning, and I still really like it. That’s a first. Normally, after a NaNo, I’ll try to pick the story up so I can end it. I cringe at every single word in those 50K monsters. Every. Single. Word. Sometimes, I like the general idea of the story and I’ll try to rewrite it, but… Anne Lamont says you’re supposed to write a shitty first draft. That that’s completely fine. But what happens if you write something WORSE than a shitty first draft?

I am the Queen of the Worst-Than-Shitty-First-Draft.

Which is exactly why nothing I write for fun ever gets finished.

Which is exactly why I like the idea of writing for a living, but know it will never happen.

I’m OK with that. There were a lot of things I wanted to be when I grew up: a veterinarian, an Olympic gymnast, a fire man, a boy, a writer, normal.

I think it’s safe to say that I’m none of that.

Except I guess I’m technically a writer - writers write and I definitely write. Here, there, everywhere. The journals I’ve kept my entire life. My blogs. Stories. But not for profit, and I’ve always considered a writer someone who gets paid. So yeah, not a writer.

Anyhoo.

Now that I’ve actually written something I like, I want to write more.

Specifically fan fic.

It’s easier to play in someone else’s sandbox than to have to build your own. Everything you need is there: a world, characters, situations. You just need to know your characters inside and out. (Hence, the thousands of viewings of Sherlock during my leisure hours. It’s a good thing I really like the show. *grin*)

I suppose now the issue is whether or not I want to continue writing Johnlock or if I want to move on to something else.

If that’s the toughest choice I have to make right now, today, I guess that’s a good thing.

If not a little pathetic.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Five hour lunch

yeah, kripke. don’t think we don’t know what you do in your free time!

Remember the days when fandoms were exclusive clubs and the show runners and actors had no idea what the fuck was going on?

*shakes fist at the internet*

——

I went out to lunch today with a woman I used to work with in a previous life. She’s kind of like a surrogate mom to me. (Her daughters are my age, so it’s not so farfetched an idea… and she would have LOVED my father.) As we do, we talked, and talked, and talked. About everything and about nothing. It was nice. I needed some ‘mom’ time and it’s been over a year. Stoopid life kept getting in the way. On both sides.

I talked about my issues with interviewing for the job at Sig Sauer and why I don’t have an opinion on gun control. We talked about gay marriage, abortion… weird shit that we normally don’t talk about, but I opened the door to that when I mentioned the interview with the political place. 

We talked a lot about my job search and how I might have a chance to work for a CPA firm again… she thinks I should get my CPA license. I’m still not sure that’s what I want to do, but it would make my job search easier. It’s one of the biggest things I’m missing on my resume. *sigh* I have the education requirement. I need the work hours and I need to pass a four part exam. (I couldn’t even get myself to take the two part CMA exam and I really want my CMA more than I want my CPA.) Two years at a CPA firm. I’m pretty sure my first year at HWG doesn’t count, and even if it did I’d probably let it slide just so I could have consecutive years.

OK. That last sentence pretty much proves I’m screwed in the head.

That or the fact that I would work two years, get licensed and start looking for a job again that’s NOT in public accounting…

*sigh*

Here’s where my hunt is at so far:

1) CPA firm mentioned above - Tony the Pimp says they want to meet me this week.

2) Collection law firm - interview on Wednesday

3) Payroll funding place - my resume is being passed on to the controller. I think I’m too expensive.

4) Political place - hoping to hear back this week. Already did an email interview and a phone screen.

5) Retirement community - hoping to hear back this week. Already did a phone screen.

6) IT company - hoping to hear back. They were the other one with the email interview questions, and a web survey.

Out of all of them, I think I’d like to work at the political place the most… but I don’t know if I should. It’s in Boston - an 80 minute train ride from Newburyport, which is about a half hour from here. And that’s one way! *sigh* There’s no way in hell I’d be able to find a place to park near Downtown Crossing, plus you couldn’t pay me enough to commute into the city by car.

I have no fucking idea what to do. I suck at looking for jobs.

——

I posted this on Facebook last week:

Netflix: Because you watched [really crappy horror movie]... here’s Dirty Dancing and What to Expect When You’re Expecting.

Me: I can’t argue with that logic.

I now have two friends in a gross-out competition. Right now, it’s tied one-all. I’m not sure what’s worse: that they found something even more upsetting than Ron Jeremy’s killer penis movie or that I’m amused enough by this to make it a competition and keep score. 

——

I don’t think there’s any more I can do with my Johnlock fic so it’s on it’s way to the proofreader. I’m so nervous! It was weird when I made J read it, and now it’s in the hands of a friend of a friend.

I think I want to puke.

That would be exactly why I DON’T write for a living.