Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Had a dream last night that the tree had lost its middle

The long awaited sequel to JAWSFEST 2005 (the 30th anniversary of the film), is JAWSFEST 2012 (for the 37th anniversary of the film, uh, OK)... and the hubby is going back to Amity Island for it. With his sister. I will gladly stay home because I am not nearly as much in love with Bruce the shark as they are.

Besides, I got to go to Boston by myself and learn all about how Jared Padalecki smooshed the do-not-push-this-button button.

—-

There’s been a lot of stuff running through my head lately - stuff that shouldn’t be there, mostly. So I’m focused on stuff that is… OH! LOOK! SHINY OBJECT!

Yeah. There’s been a lot of… LOOK!! LOOK!! LOOK!! OVER THERE!! SUPER!! SHINY!! OBJECT!!

I know why I’m prone to overthinking things - it’s a combination of introversion and bipolar - but damned if I know how to stop it.  I know why I’m thinking about the things I shouldn’t be thinking about, too. Damned if I know how to stop that, too.

I guess I’m drawn to the dark side of things. The “good girls don’t do that” side of things.

Not suicide dark, not depression dark, just things that hide in the dark dark. No need to call the shrink or up my meds…

My friend, Wendy, is drawn to the dark side, too. She takes these deliciously dark photos that make me jealous of her eye, her skill with make up, all of it.

I’m not quite that skilled visually, but I’m not too bad with words, so I end up writing crap. In my journals. Where it will never be seen. Where I can write it over and over and over and over and over and… obsess over it in private.

I don’t know how to say what I want to say, how I want it to sound, so I think I’ll let the Indigo Girls try:
Begin my studies with this pencil and this paper, and I’m working through the grammar of my fears

Yeah, that.