Friday, February 13, 2009

Things are not always as they seem.


jamie and gracie :: cape neddick, me :: may 15, 2008

OK.  Let me make something crystal clear:  NOT. OUR.  KID. 

Like the title says, things are not always as they seem.

The new rage of posting all these lists on Facebook and tagging people has been all over teh interwebs for a long time - it used to be called a “meme”.  I don’t know what this Facebook thing is called or even if it has a name, but I’m a little tired of it.  I’ve never been one for tagging people to do memes.  I just think it’s a bit obnoxious… and now that this stuff is on Facebook, your lack of participation is more obvious than it was on your blog.  It makes me cranky.  Really. It’s kind of like, “HI!  Welcome to the Internet, circa 2000.”  *sigh*  The new kids always ruin everything. 

My “about me” on this blog is really lacking.  I know.  I’m working on one.  I’m having a lot of trouble getting the “new” design to play nice, so I keep stalling.  I will get it done.  By the end of the month.  If it kills me. 

But anyhoo, like that new “about me” says, “If you know me from just my blog, you know me.”

That’s not entirely true, of course.  What you see here is a diluted, sometimes censored, version of me.  You get a filtered version of whatever is in my head when I sit down and fire up EE.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  But you don’t get the really ugly, the really hurtful, the really angry and the really destructive side of me.  That I save for elsewhere.  I write incessantly in a Moleskine. I blog at a different domain, under a different name.  Could you find me? Probably.  Do you want to find me? Not unless you want to be truly disturbed by what I have to say.  I very rarely censor myself there.  That is, as close as possible, to the real me.  This? This is me, too.  But it’s not the REAL me. 

If you know me from just my blog, you can create a image of who you want me to be. 

If you know me from limited access in meatspace, you can also create an image of who you want me to be.

If you know me from the extended disco remix of meatspace, you probably have an even better image of who you want me to be.

But you don’t get it. You get the person you think I am.  The person you want me to be.  And as a result, you don’t get me.

I’m not quite sure what to tell you… I’m not sure I’m the person you think I am.  I’m not certain I can be the person you want me to be.

I’m just me.  Deeply flawed and very broken, but me.

Accept it or don’t.  I don’t care anymore.

Posted by Matty on 02/13 at 08:39 PM