‘I say fuck a lot’ might be the understatement of the year.
October 28, 2023 ::
8:36 AM
I just like the word fuck.
I stumbled upon this completely fucking adorable book on Thursday and DEVOURED it on Friday, since I didn’t have anything (not a single fucking thing and not an exaggeration) to do at work.
Upside Down by N.R. Walker completely captured the asexual relationship I was trying to write perfectly. So, that’s totally my roadmap if I ever go back to that fic.
I’ve gotten into the habit of taking screenshots of my favourite bits as I come across them, and this one?
Holy. Fucking. Shitballs. Batman.
Thankfully, I got to this part at lunchtime. (Or unfortunately?) I laughed so hard, I choked on my sandwich.
It was doubly hysterical because I’d just gotten done having (roughly) the same conversation about my usage of the word with a coworker.
Fuck is one of those amazing words that fits just about any sentence. Intonation fills in the blanks that context doesn’t, too.
It’s just a fucking magical word.
- - - - - - - - - -
I am still riding the high from the Антитіла show.
I might still be watching the videos I took.
And I might still be listening to their albums and only their albums. At this rate, their music will be my Wine & Dine soundtrack.
Fuck my BPM playlist.
While I’m on the topic of live bands and concerts, next up is KALUSH. I’ve already seen them this year, but I do like the chaotic energy of their live shows. They remind me of Studio 158 and Gabe setting fire to his trumpet back in the day. It was always fun hanging with Scott-the-Roadie and getting to see the backstage shenanigans.
Hey, Mr. Soundman, I think there’s something on fire.
But anyway.
I forgot to mention that when I see SKOFKA in February that he’s splitting the bill with two other artists. One of which is KOZAK SIROMAHA. You might remember him from the video on this post. I might be looking forward to seeing him just as much as SKOFKA. (And what is up with the caps? KALUSH, SKOFKA, KOZAK SIROMAHA… *sigh*)
WHY THE FUCK is half the music I want to buy not available on the iTunes store? This might make me a shitty person, and probably a thief, but I’ve reverted to using Audio Hijack and pulling the audio off of YouTube. I mean, how do you add a YouTube video to a running playlist?
So… that’s my day sorted: pulling music off of YouTube, creating a new Ukie music running playlist, and world building.
Somehow, Aeon Timeline shit the bed and fucked up my hockey schedules. The dates have all shifted and it’s the weirdest thing. I’ve been using AT since version 1 and beta tested v2 (sort of - I didn’t have a lot of reasons to use it during the beta period but I did download it and play with it.)... I have never had a problem with it. NEVER.
But, you know, there’s only 82 hockey games in a season, and like 6 preseason games… for two teams. Granted, I ‘borrowed’ the schedules from Montreal and Boston, but they still had to be entered by hand because I couldn’t export them to a csv file or anything remotely useful. Annoyed doesn’t begin to describe my current mood. It is such a pain in the ass to go back and fix them.
And it’s not even getting the scheduled dates correct. It’s about remembering that for a 19:00 game, the players have to be there at 16:30 and they spend about 5 hours at the arena. There were a couple of games where the time shifted, too. So I had to do the fucking maths AGAIN to make sure I was getting the game day timeframe correct.
I’ve never been part of a team where the players didn’t play shinny somewhere in the arena as part of their warmup, so that’s an important detail I’m not leaving out, nor the fact that usually the ‘puck’ is a tennis ball. In college, sometimes the boys played with a ball of stick tape. The first time they did it was during a road trip because SOMEONE forgot a tennis ball (apparently, I only had ONE JOB and it wasn’t worrying about the boxed lunches, the uniforms, the extra blades, sticks, torches, the water jugs/bottles, nor the skate sharpener…). Joke’s on them, though, because they enjoyed whipping the tape at each other. Don’t think I didn’t notice that they played with the tape more than once. Even when I remembered the fucking tennis ball.
- - - - - - - - - -
I never seem to talk about when englishing is not hard and the words go good, but I am SO HAPPY with this that I’m going to share this as a reminder that I’m not a completely shitty writer…
Families are messy. It’s one thing when the people who are supposed to build you up only want to tear you down. It’s another thing entirely when the people who are supposed to love you can’t fucking stand the sight of you.
Write what you know, right?
- - - - - - - - - -
And finally, this is my new favourite song. Enjoy.
the secret to a successful nanowrimo is porn. lots of it.
As I’ve said before, I’ve never been the type of person who creates an outline and a plot.
I’ve been plotting like a madwoman. Pages and pages of plot bunnies. It’s insane.
Who knew writing a hockey au would actually be enjoyable?
We all know my history with hockey and how the last experience absolutely fucking broke me. (Still broken after all these years, thanks. Vegas put a nice band-aid on my boo-boo, though.)
So… it’s been weird to actually dig into things like the NHL’s Collective Bargaining Agreement and the Rule Book.
To remember things I thought I’d forgotten.
A skate blade to the back, the severed pinky, the slapshot to the nuts (the player was NOT wearing a cup… but that’s a story for another day.), the singing on the bus, Cooperstown, the dentist fixing a broken nose, the Stanley Cup, the octopus… that fucking mascot.
Reading all these stupid hockey romances has reminded me what it’s like to be part of the team, not part of the back office.
And THAT is where my love of the sport truly lives.
In the camaraderie of the players. Not the knowledge of how to write the Salary Cap journal entries.
I almost watched a Bruins game the other night.
Almost.
But before I could change the channel, I had a panic attack and decided it was safer to watch Simmers on YouTube.
I’ll get back to being able to watch the games and probably sooner rather than later.
But in the meantime, I’ve noticed some other things that are changing.
- The hubby took care of Guinness, not me. And G wasn’t a cuddle pup. He was sort of detached, aloof. I take care of the kittens and they are not like that at all. Sophie is still ridiculously skittish, but holy shit. When she wants love, she will NOT be denied. I need Sophie lovin’ more than I would have thought possible. Finn’s, too, although he’s grown way more independent.
- I’ve been listening to Bowie and the Stones. A LOT. I’ve struggled with their music in the past because they remind me of people who ripped me apart and then stomped on the pieces. Somehow, I’ve managed to get past that. Although, I do not recommend singing Star Star at work because it is very NSFW... whoops.
OH! Fun fact: R.E.M.‘s “Star Me Kitten” is named Star Me Kitten because of “Star Star”. Another fun fact: It is one of the very few R.E.M. songs that uses the word fuck.
- I’ve also been listening to a playlist I call BLG. BLG are the initials of the one, the only, Soulmate Boy and it’s all music I associate with him. Some of it is great for running and, I don’t know, kind of… comforting? Yeah, that’s the word I keep coming back to.
- I’m becoming less afraid to go places on my own. This became a HUGE issue after moving to Florida and then having the whole pandemic thing happen. I certainly don’t have the kind of life I had in New England, and I fucking miss it, but I’m trying to make a life here. Finally.
- - - - - - - - - -
And for something completely unrelated, I finally got my two breathing tests done AND scored a follow-up with the pulmonologist before Wine and Dine. (I couldn’t get an appointment with the doc until DECEMBER. I lucked out when there was a cancellation for next week.)
I failed. Miserably.
So, exercise-induced asthma is real and not in my head.
That actually makes me feel better.
I have an inhaler, but it’s not working for me. The therapist who did the test thinks I’ll respond better to steroids, but didn’t go into more details. Google’s not telling me much, so I’m excited to have the follow up so soon. Nothing new on race day… except asthma meds. Should be an interesting weekend.
- - - - - - - - - -
I also saw Антитіла on Wednesday.
So. Fucking. AMAZING.
It was everything I wanted and more. I had chills and tears. The first and only time I ever got emotional at a concert was Paul Simon, so that should tell you something.
I really hope I get to see them again.
KALUSH is up next and then, in February, it’s SKOFKA… who I only know because of the collabs with KALUSH.
I’m trying to see as many Ukrainian shows as possible so, even if I’m lukewarm on the artist, I’ll go.
I get to support Ukrainians and experience live music. It’s a win-win, even though I hate the fact that they’re on tour fundraising for shit like first aid supplies.
And on that note, I need to go research some more hockey things. November 1st is coming way too fast.
The Center for Reproductive Rights is a global human rights organization of lawyers and advocates who ensure reproductive rights are protected in law as fundamental human rights for the dignity, equality, health, and well-being of every person.
We envision a world where every person participates with dignity as an equal member of society, regardless of gender.
Where every woman is free to decide whether or when to have children and whether to get married; where access to quality reproductive health care is guaranteed; and where every woman can make these decisions free from coercion or discrimination.
So. Yeah.
I’ve never before tried to fundraise here and I’ve been more careful about posting my real name and photos of my face here. I suppose I should just go back and edit old entries, but I don’t care. If you really want to go THAT far back, well, you deserve a medal. Or maybe a stiff drink? A lobotomy? Maybe a pony?
Anyhoo.. my team name is OfFRC (FRC is my running club’s name.) and you can donate on the team’s page. If you want to, you could donate to me as well, if you know how to find me. My avatar is currently the same as my FB profile picture.
Also, there is a girl on my team with a very similar first name and my last initial. That is not me. If you click on me, you’ll see my full name.
If linking to the fundraiser outs me, then so be it.
- - - - - - - - - -
I just tried to log into my Wendell Gee gmail account with the user name WendellGrr1985.
Dude.
I’m not even angry at anything right now.
Except, maybe, my writer’s brain.
The words, they will not come.
I have all kinds of world building done and I’ve sketched out some bits, but actually writing the story is kicking my ass. I’m like a paragraph into the actual story and…nothing.
- - - - - - - - - -
I guess since I started talking about running, I might as well finish by talking about running.
Intervals.
I know I talked about them before, but I tried again last night.
I walked for about 8 minutes of the first mile because I couldn’t get the damn interval timer to work and then I started. I used 15 sec run and 45 sec walk as I didn’t feel like killing myself with a 30/30 - I’ve not felt well this week at all. Bunch of causes. No cures.
I did a mile at 15 sec run / 45 sec walk. I ran at 4.0 mph (15 minute mile) and walked at 3.3 mph (18 minute mile). I ended up averaging a 17 minute mile. A mile slower than Disney requires - and I am NOT interested in crossing paths with the balloon ladies in November.
For the last mile, I upped it to 15/45 with a 4.3 mph run (14 minute mile) and stayed with the 3.3 mph walk. I averaged a 16:42 mile.
I understand the underlying math and physics behind intervals, but I didn’t feel like I was moving faster. As a whole, I had one of my slower 5Ks ever, but I couldn’t walk at full speed while I was fucking with the app.
It’s amazing to see how they work.
I’ll be hopping on the treadmill soon - I’m waiting for The Ick to pass and then I’m going to attempt a 10K with intervals. I’ll probably stick to the 15/45 ratio at 4.0/3.5 (17 minute mile) for most of it. Maybe I’ll bump it to 4.5/3.5 for the second 5K. I always manage to finish with negative splits. It just takes me FOREVER to get going.
For future me: pace tables found here and run-walk calculator found here .
- - - - - - - - - -
I’m not sure what does it for me - thinking about the Kozak dancing in the video (because OMG it cracks me up!) or the beat - but it is one of my favourite songs to run to.
Скільки не стріляй в наш край
Скільки не пали поля
Житиме вічно наша ненька
Вродить ще не раз земля
Скільки не стріляй в наш край
Скільки не пали поля
Житиме вічно наша ненька
Вродить ще не раз земля
Наша Батьківщина б’ється гордо
Ми не в пах, а в морду
Наша Батьківщина за свободу
Перегризе горло
Наша Батьківщина тільки наша
Не віддам нізащо
Наша Батьківщина б’ється завше
Збережи її, Отче Наший
Ненька наша рідна, ти потерпи ше чу-чуть
Наші Січові стрільці добре ворога січуть
Око за око наші хлопці точно пики натовчуть
Збройні сили України не дадуть задуть свічу
Скільки не стріляй в наш край
Скільки не пали поля
Житиме вічно наша ненька
Вродить ще не раз земля
Скільки не стріляй в наш край
Скільки не пали поля
Житиме вічно наша ненька
Вродить ще не раз земля
Кулі дебіли полетіли, бо не мали права вони на слова
Воля - це дівчина, шо любить дім, тільки руским би не дала
Кулі дебіли полетіли, бо не мали права вони на слова
Воля - це дівчина, шо любить дім, тільки руским би не дала
Звідти, де волі люд не мали, звідти ті тихі голоси
А звідки чорнила виливали, явно, що там не чистота
Скільки вже наша пережила ненька, така ще молода
Жовте осіннє плаття зняла, а камуфляжне - ти вбрала
А на дев’ятий поверх упало не сонце
Дивлюся на двір через нове віконце
Ангел тут живе мій лише охоронцем, бо
На дев’ятий поверх упало не сонце
Скільки не стріляй в наш край
Скільки не пали поля
Житиме вічно наша ненька
Вродить ще не раз земля
Скільки не стріляй в наш край
Скільки не пали поля
Житиме вічно наша ненька
Вродить ще не раз земля
Око за око, зуб за зуб
Загризуть тут за тризуб
Око за око, зуб за зуб
Наші тихо підповзуть
No matter how much you shoot at our land
How many fields did not fall
Our grandmother will live forever
The earth will give birth more than once
No matter how much you shoot at our land
How many fields did not fall
Our grandmother will live forever
The earth will give birth more than once
Our Motherland fights proudly
We are not in the groin, but in the face
Our Motherland is for freedom
He will bite his throat
Our Motherland is only ours
I won’t give it away for anything
Our Motherland is always fighting
Save her, Our Father
Our dear Nenka, you will suffer a lot
Our Sich snipers cut the enemy well
An eye for an eye, our guys will definitely crush spades
The Armed Forces of Ukraine will not let the candle blow out
No matter how much you shoot at our land
How many fields did not fall
Our grandmother will live forever
The earth will give birth more than once
No matter how much you shoot at our land
How many fields did not fall
Our grandmother will live forever
The earth will give birth more than once
Bullets of morons flew because they had no right to speak
Volya is a girl who loves home, but she wouldn’t give it to Russians
Bullets of morons flew because they had no right to speak
Volya is a girl who loves home, but she wouldn’t give it to Russians
From there, where people had no free will, those quiet voices came from there
And from where the ink was poured, it is clear that there is no cleanliness there
How much our little girl has experienced, she is still young
You took off the yellow autumn dress, and you put on the camouflage one
And it was not the sun that fell on the ninth floor
I look at the yard through a new window
The angel lives here only as my guard, because
The sun did not fall on the ninth floor
No matter how much you shoot at our land
How many fields did not fall
Our grandmother will live forever
The earth will give birth more than once
No matter how much you shoot at our land
How many fields did not fall
Our grandmother will live forever
The earth will give birth more than once
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth
They will bite the trident here
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth
Ours will quietly creep up
just like the real citgo sign, it only works about 85% of the time
Favorite American Artist: Matt Nathanson
Concert: 10 February 2023, Fort Lauderdale
Ticket Acquired: ✅
Favourite Ukrainian Band: Океан Ельзи
Concert: 27 April 2023, Miami
Ticket Acquired: ✅
Second Favourite Ukrainian Band: Антитіла
Concert: 18 October 2023, Miami
Ticket Acquired: ✅
Third Favourite Ukrainian Band: Бумбокс
Concert: 8 March 2023, Miami
Ticket Acquired: ✅
New Love: KALUSH
Concert: 10 March 2023, Orlando
Ticket Acquired: ✅
If you’ve been around me for any length of time, you know how much live music means to me. I mean, fuck, I used to drive to Upstate NY as much as I could to see Black Mountain Symphony. There were countless trips to Connecticut for Instrument and All Crazy shows. That doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what I jokingly called “Scott-the-Roadie: Live at UConn” - all the BiG MiSTAKE, Frogboy, and Spring Heeled Jack shows I used to attend with him. Then, there were the nights at The Sting, and the nights at Toad’s Place. A random concert in Maryland. The day I went to a gathering at Bird’s that turned into an impromptu concert only to leave and catch BMS in Providence. (That, my friends, was probably one of my more ridiculous weekends: I drove through four New England states in less than 24 hours.)
Thinking about it, I’ve probably spent more of my life at live shows than I have engaging in any of my other hobbies in my life to date.
Of course, I don’t have the luxury of getting in the car and driving to NY anymore. It breaks my heart to think of the ridiculous logistics nightmare leaving Florida has become. There’s a plane ticket, and a hotel, and a rental car… I hate shit like that. I just want to get in the car and go. The drive itself is as therapeutic as the live show. All planes, hotels, and rental cars do is stress me the fuck out.
There is one unexpected perk of being exiled to Florida - the massive Ukrainian community in Miami.
I haven’t been kidding when I’ve babbled on about how thrilled I am about the opportunity to see ALL of my favourite Ukrainian bands.
Granted, I hate the reason why they’re all on tour, but… at the same time…
I GET TO SEE ALL FOUR OF MY FAVOURITE UKRAINIAN BANDS THIS YEAR!!!!
- - - - - - - - - -
I went on a deep dive in YouTubeLand to find live video of KALUSH and… expectations matched reality.
Seriously.
This video confirmed that I’ve been to too many shows.
When you can perfectly imagine a show just by listening to the recorded versions of songs, you know that shit needs to be a resume-level skill.
