What the everloving fuck?

I’m ridiculously nervous about finding a job because it has to be perfect.

It can’t be one I’m going to leave in under three months.

It can’t be one that’s going to bore me to tears in a year.

It can’t be one that’s a perfect fit for my skill set, because I need to be pushed.

It can’t be one where the staff I’d be working with makes me feel stupid.

*sigh*

In the past 24-ish hours, I’ve met with a recruiter who has presented me with three positions: 1) a kick ass full time one I should be interviewing for that first week of December, 2) a temp one that didn’t pay nearly well enough to justify the commute and 3) a three week contract position that pays well and doesn’t care if I continue to look for a job.

Today, I got a phone call on a resume I sent out this morning.

Today, I got a ‘just curious’ email from a company I turned down a few weeks ago. I’m not sure what’s going on there, but it’s weird.

Today, I have an interview about that three week contract position.

Today, I pushed off making a decision about that part/full/temp/perm position that can’t decide what it wants to be.

I shouldn’t complain because I’m VERY fortunate, but wow. I’m overwhelmed with the options and opportunities. I feel like I can be super picky, but I’m also afraid that I’m going to settle because I’m miserable being unemployed…

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I’ve been putting off returning to my NaNo because of ZURICH!‘s edits and now I don’t want to leave Douglas and Martin. I will be publishing an epilogue - I have to. I can’t leave their story with ZURICH!‘s ending. Not when there’s so much awesome in those other chapters that weren’t supposed to see the light of day.

The good news about the NaNo is that I’m down to 12K words with 9 days left. I’ve been managing to push out 2K words a day, so I’m not worried about making it. (Even though I shouldn’t really use that as an excuse to focus on Cabin Pressure stuff…)

——

Off to finish prepping for the contract job’s interview. And then… THEN it’s time to get ready to see the sneak preview of “Catching Fire!” So excited to see it!!!!!

Off to Zurich!

ZURCH! has been published (well, the first chapter at least). The other five chapters still need some work. They’re getting there, slowly but surely. Response has been OK so far, and it’s driving traffic to the first two episodes AND the Johnlock, so no complaints there.

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Had an interview yesterday with an accounting outsourcing / consulting firm. Well, I say firm… more like itty bitty little company. It sounds good. To a point. I have to start part time, but she thinks it will go full time by January. There’s a lot of bookkeeping, some sales, and some stuff to fill the other hours.

I liked it well enough, and I was thinking seriously about it, but then… things changed.

I had a phone screen on Monday night for an accounting job at a sports arena. May get an in person interview the week after Thanksgiving. I don’t know what to think about that. I don’t want to get my hopes up like I did for the restaurant, but I’d like to work there.

Today, I had an interview with a recruiter. She was the first one to actually take an interest in me. That sounds weird to say, but I can’t describe it any other way. We’re revising my resume as I speak and she’s already found a position for me. I hope to hell I get an interview with her client. She feels that I’m under priced for the positions I want, doesn’t think my resume actually positions me correctly for the jobs I want, and thinks I need to find the right fit with a company that will take a chance on me. (Lack of large company experience is really causing major problems.) If I get an interview there, it will also be after Thanksgiving.

Fucking holiday. I’m so fucking thankful that I’m unemployed… GRRRRRR

So anyhoo, after meeting with her and really thinking about what I want out of this job search, taking the job with the accounting outsourcing company doesn’t seem like a good fit. I’m NOT a bookkeeper and I’m tired of people seeing my resume and thinking “bookkeeper”. I’m a fucking accountant, not an A/R, A/P or payroll clerk. I have the fucking degree, I graduated with the highest honours possible, even though I was working full time… I deserve to play with the big boys and not in the minor leagues.

I just don’t know how to get there, and that’s what this recruiter seems to understand more than the others. She seems to have more faith in me than the others. Fuck, she has more faith in me than myself.

I just don’t know what to do or how to do it, but I can’t stay home any more and I’m running out of unemployment funds.

——

My NaNo has something like 16K words left (if that), and I’m starting to build towards the climax. My killer is actually two people and Sherlock’s already deduced the first one, so nothing but momentum there. I just need to find the time to finish it. I’ll definitely hit my word count by the end of the month even if I can’t tie everything up in a nice big bow in those last 16K words.

In the mean time, I need to clean my office and dig out through the mess in my craft room. I can’t believe how messy the house in general has gotten because I can’t find the energy to care (hello, depression!), but I also can’t believe how easy it was to completely destroy two rooms while looking for my grandparents’ crap. Since I don’t have anything going on during the day for the rest of the week, I think I’m just going to suck it up, take Guinness to day care early and spend the day cleaning (after I look for a job, of course).

For the first time in weeks, I actually feel well enough to do stuff. I need to take advantage of feeling well while I’m feeling well.

Fan fic love

I needed another pick me up:

Stats as of 11/10/2013:
PARIS: 10 subscribers, 504 hits, 23 kudos, 2 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

HARTFORD: 10 subscribers, 433 hits, 23 kudos, 8 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

IT WAS ALWAYS THERE: 1 subscriber, 1018 hits, 11 kudos, 0 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

Stats as of today:
PARIS: 12 subscribers, 773 hits, 32 kudos, 5 comment threads, 1 bookmarks

HARTFORD: 10 subscribers, 476 hits, 28 kudos, 8 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

IT WAS ALWAYS THERE: 2 subscriber, 1056 hits, 11 kudos, 0 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

I’m a little surprised that PARIS lost bookmarks, but I now have 3 author subscriptions which is pretty cool…

I also received a comment today that they want ANOTHER sequel (which they will get). After that, it’s a 30 Day OTP Challenge and who knows after that… I don’t see myself NOT writing more Cabin Pressure fic, but right now, I can’t see myself writing more after the Challenge, either. I’m so deep in Johnlock that editing ZURICH! feels weird. I guess we’ll have to see.

——

Tonight is UConn vs BU at BU, which will definitely be weird. Next season, UConn joins Hockey East so this will be a regular occurrence, which will be even weirder. I never thought I’d see the day when the UConn hockey program would play in such an elite league…

My friend, and fellow UCMB band geek, Bill is coming with me, so that will be cool. We’ll both be in full UConn regalia and I can’t wait to see the looks on our friends down there in Section 114, Rows A and B. We’ve known these people for YEARS and I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned being a UConn grad. They’ll know now. *grin*

And the sunshine shone from the sunshine above…

Dog, proofreading ZURCH! is killing me… I changed the ending to PARIS!, which did, as expected, require a rewrite of the majority of the fucker. This Cabin Pressure trilogy is going to be the death of me.

On a happy note, we’re finally getting the REAL Zurich episode. Finnemore has confirmed that the original cast will come back for the series ender, too. I just hope it ends with Martin staying at MJN…

Plus, I’m 16 days into NaNoWriMo, so I need the extra distraction. Right? Right! Why the fuck not?

——

Finally, Friday, I started to feel like a human again.

I went out to breakfast with D and we talked about how bad it sucked to be let go while Junior ran off to China to work for Daddy.

I interviewed with the recruiter for the part time / full time / temp to perm position. He’s going to try and get me in front of the company ASAP. Actually, for as fucked up as it sounds, its actually a good position and has a LOT of potential for someone who gets bored easily. I guess we’ll see. The recruiter was wicked excited about me being a good fit for them, so I’ve got my fingers crossed…

Drove to Saratoga Springs for a night with my Albany family. It was, as always, exactly what I needed when I needed it. If I wasn’t hell bent on leaving the country, I might have seriously considered shifting my job search to Albany…

But it’s time for my next adventure, the hubby’s on board with the decision, and Universe willing, I’ll find out that I really am Polish-American. (Dear universe, please, please, please, let me know what I can do to ensure Polish citizenship. I have a career counsellor ready to help me update my CV, I have an immigration solicitor ready to smooth out any rough edges. And uh, I’ve been doing a passable job of writing British-English fan fic according to one of my new friends on AO3, so there’s that, too. I’ll be pre-assimilated! Is that even a thing? It is now… all I need is that EEA/EU citizenship. )

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I’m really Ukrainian, but that’s not going to help me any since they’re not in the EEA/EU.

——

Feeling like shit again today.

Last week was a roller coaster and it really fucked me up. I felt just well enough to have one good day and then I relapsed.

Eh, yesterday was so fucking awesome, it’s worth it to be all headachey and miserable again today.

Welcome back, panic attacks.

One of my recruiters submitted my resume for a position with a company named “Beaver somethingorother”. BEAVER! My inner twelve year old went completely bat shit and I laughed for about 20 minutes. No lie.

I’m meeting with a recruiter tomorrow after breakfast with a friend. He’s got a part time to full time / temp to perm job that I’m interested in. It’s part time to start at a pretty good hourly rate, and if it grows, 40 hours at a better rate. It will keep me busy… it’s not like I’m getting any more offers at the moment. I can barely get interviews and I can’t find anything that I’m even qualified for on all the job boards. My well is run dry…

So… this part time thing, who know? Might work out. Might not.

It couldn’t be any where near as bad as Tuesday.

Holy hell, Tuesday was TERRIBLE.

I went to Newburyport (absolute hellhole to work in - parking is HORRENDOUS) and started temping for this CPA. He gives me this list of 4 things to do. I can’t even read his damn handwriting, so I ask him what he wants. He looks at me like I’m speaking a foreign language. Then he says he wants financial statements. OK. He doesn’t say what period, so I assume, hey, it’s early November, he wants October’s financials. I give him October’s he tells me he wants the entire year. OK. I give him those. This client isn’t on a calendar year. Well, why didn’t you say so?  It took me forever to find what I was looking for, too, whether it was on the computer or in the office.

It went like that ALL day. Like I was just expected to know stuff. He told me he was expecting me to do journal entries. OF WHAT? WHICH COMPANY? He called me stupid and told me that this job was way beyond my reach. Only because I couldn’t read his mind…

So, yeah. Left him at 4:30 and was one and done.

——

Spent today fighting with Apple. Can’t get a fucking film to download. AGAIN. I’m so sick of having these problems with them. My iTunes account is FILLED with credits for film rentals and music because they’re trying to make it right… Yeah, give me free access to more shit I can’t get.

Also, speaking of Apple issues - it doesn’t recognize my Wacom tablet any more. Somewhere along the line, the mapping between the tablet and the computer got horked. Went in to the system preferences to fix it and I don’t have a recognized tablet.

Also, also - Had to do an online skill assessment and BOOM! Can’t do that either. Their website requires Java. All three of my browsers have Java. Not one of the three worked with their website…

I. AM. FUCKING. DONE.

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Been queasy all day. Have barely eaten. Heart rate has been elevated… Panic Attack city over here and it’s just been getting worse all day.

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In other, happy news, I sent off my request for my grandfather’s birth certificate.

Hopefully I have better luck with that than I did everything else.