Off to Zurich!

i have an unhealthy obsession with that profile

ZURCH! has been published (well, the first chapter at least). The other five chapters still need some work. They’re getting there, slowly but surely. Response has been OK so far, and it’s driving traffic to the first two episodes AND the Johnlock, so no complaints there.

——

Had an interview yesterday with an accounting outsourcing / consulting firm. Well, I say firm… more like itty bitty little company. It sounds good. To a point. I have to start part time, but she thinks it will go full time by January. There’s a lot of bookkeeping, some sales, and some stuff to fill the other hours.

I liked it well enough, and I was thinking seriously about it, but then… things changed.

I had a phone screen on Monday night for an accounting job at a sports arena. May get an in person interview the week after Thanksgiving. I don’t know what to think about that. I don’t want to get my hopes up like I did for the restaurant, but I’d like to work there.

Today, I had an interview with a recruiter. She was the first one to actually take an interest in me. That sounds weird to say, but I can’t describe it any other way. We’re revising my resume as I speak and she’s already found a position for me. I hope to hell I get an interview with her client. She feels that I’m under priced for the positions I want, doesn’t think my resume actually positions me correctly for the jobs I want, and thinks I need to find the right fit with a company that will take a chance on me. (Lack of large company experience is really causing major problems.) If I get an interview there, it will also be after Thanksgiving.

Fucking holiday. I’m so fucking thankful that I’m unemployed… GRRRRRR

So anyhoo, after meeting with her and really thinking about what I want out of this job search, taking the job with the accounting outsourcing company doesn’t seem like a good fit. I’m NOT a bookkeeper and I’m tired of people seeing my resume and thinking “bookkeeper”. I’m a fucking accountant, not an A/R, A/P or payroll clerk. I have the fucking degree, I graduated with the highest honours possible, even though I was working full time… I deserve to play with the big boys and not in the minor leagues.

I just don’t know how to get there, and that’s what this recruiter seems to understand more than the others. She seems to have more faith in me than the others. Fuck, she has more faith in me than myself.

I just don’t know what to do or how to do it, but I can’t stay home any more and I’m running out of unemployment funds.

——

My NaNo has something like 16K words left (if that), and I’m starting to build towards the climax. My killer is actually two people and Sherlock’s already deduced the first one, so nothing but momentum there. I just need to find the time to finish it. I’ll definitely hit my word count by the end of the month even if I can’t tie everything up in a nice big bow in those last 16K words.

In the mean time, I need to clean my office and dig out through the mess in my craft room. I can’t believe how messy the house in general has gotten because I can’t find the energy to care (hello, depression!), but I also can’t believe how easy it was to completely destroy two rooms while looking for my grandparents’ crap. Since I don’t have anything going on during the day for the rest of the week, I think I’m just going to suck it up, take Guinness to day care early and spend the day cleaning (after I look for a job, of course).

For the first time in weeks, I actually feel well enough to do stuff. I need to take advantage of feeling well while I’m feeling well.

Fan fic love

I needed another pick me up:

Stats as of 11/10/2013:
PARIS: 10 subscribers, 504 hits, 23 kudos, 2 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

HARTFORD: 10 subscribers, 433 hits, 23 kudos, 8 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

IT WAS ALWAYS THERE: 1 subscriber, 1018 hits, 11 kudos, 0 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

Stats as of today:
PARIS: 12 subscribers, 773 hits, 32 kudos, 5 comment threads, 1 bookmarks

HARTFORD: 10 subscribers, 476 hits, 28 kudos, 8 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

IT WAS ALWAYS THERE: 2 subscriber, 1056 hits, 11 kudos, 0 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

I’m a little surprised that PARIS lost bookmarks, but I now have 3 author subscriptions which is pretty cool…

I also received a comment today that they want ANOTHER sequel (which they will get). After that, it’s a 30 Day OTP Challenge and who knows after that… I don’t see myself NOT writing more Cabin Pressure fic, but right now, I can’t see myself writing more after the Challenge, either. I’m so deep in Johnlock that editing ZURICH! feels weird. I guess we’ll have to see.

——

Tonight is UConn vs BU at BU, which will definitely be weird. Next season, UConn joins Hockey East so this will be a regular occurrence, which will be even weirder. I never thought I’d see the day when the UConn hockey program would play in such an elite league…

My friend, and fellow UCMB band geek, Bill is coming with me, so that will be cool. We’ll both be in full UConn regalia and I can’t wait to see the looks on our friends down there in Section 114, Rows A and B. We’ve known these people for YEARS and I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned being a UConn grad. They’ll know now. *grin*

And the sunshine shone from the sunshine above…

amen, brother

Dog, proofreading ZURCH! is killing me… I changed the ending to PARIS!, which did, as expected, require a rewrite of the majority of the fucker. This Cabin Pressure trilogy is going to be the death of me.

On a happy note, we’re finally getting the REAL Zurich episode. Finnemore has confirmed that the original cast will come back for the series ender, too. I just hope it ends with Martin staying at MJN…

Plus, I’m 16 days into NaNoWriMo, so I need the extra distraction. Right? Right! Why the fuck not?

——

Finally, Friday, I started to feel like a human again.

I went out to breakfast with D and we talked about how bad it sucked to be let go while Junior ran off to China to work for Daddy.

I interviewed with the recruiter for the part time / full time / temp to perm position. He’s going to try and get me in front of the company ASAP. Actually, for as fucked up as it sounds, its actually a good position and has a LOT of potential for someone who gets bored easily. I guess we’ll see. The recruiter was wicked excited about me being a good fit for them, so I’ve got my fingers crossed…

Drove to Saratoga Springs for a night with my Albany family. It was, as always, exactly what I needed when I needed it. If I wasn’t hell bent on leaving the country, I might have seriously considered shifting my job search to Albany…

But it’s time for my next adventure, the hubby’s on board with the decision, and Universe willing, I’ll find out that I really am Polish-American. (Dear universe, please, please, please, let me know what I can do to ensure Polish citizenship. I have a career counsellor ready to help me update my CV, I have an immigration solicitor ready to smooth out any rough edges. And uh, I’ve been doing a passable job of writing British-English fan fic according to one of my new friends on AO3, so there’s that, too. I’ll be pre-assimilated! Is that even a thing? It is now… all I need is that EEA/EU citizenship. )

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I’m really Ukrainian, but that’s not going to help me any since they’re not in the EEA/EU.

——

Feeling like shit again today.

Last week was a roller coaster and it really fucked me up. I felt just well enough to have one good day and then I relapsed.

Eh, yesterday was so fucking awesome, it’s worth it to be all headachey and miserable again today.

Welcome back, panic attacks.

spn behind the scenes…

One of my recruiters submitted my resume for a position with a company named “Beaver somethingorother”. BEAVER! My inner twelve year old went completely bat shit and I laughed for about 20 minutes. No lie.

I’m meeting with a recruiter tomorrow after breakfast with a friend. He’s got a part time to full time / temp to perm job that I’m interested in. It’s part time to start at a pretty good hourly rate, and if it grows, 40 hours at a better rate. It will keep me busy… it’s not like I’m getting any more offers at the moment. I can barely get interviews and I can’t find anything that I’m even qualified for on all the job boards. My well is run dry…

So… this part time thing, who know? Might work out. Might not.

It couldn’t be any where near as bad as Tuesday.

Holy hell, Tuesday was TERRIBLE.

I went to Newburyport (absolute hellhole to work in - parking is HORRENDOUS) and started temping for this CPA. He gives me this list of 4 things to do. I can’t even read his damn handwriting, so I ask him what he wants. He looks at me like I’m speaking a foreign language. Then he says he wants financial statements. OK. He doesn’t say what period, so I assume, hey, it’s early November, he wants October’s financials. I give him October’s he tells me he wants the entire year. OK. I give him those. This client isn’t on a calendar year. Well, why didn’t you say so?  It took me forever to find what I was looking for, too, whether it was on the computer or in the office.

It went like that ALL day. Like I was just expected to know stuff. He told me he was expecting me to do journal entries. OF WHAT? WHICH COMPANY? He called me stupid and told me that this job was way beyond my reach. Only because I couldn’t read his mind…

So, yeah. Left him at 4:30 and was one and done.

——

Spent today fighting with Apple. Can’t get a fucking film to download. AGAIN. I’m so sick of having these problems with them. My iTunes account is FILLED with credits for film rentals and music because they’re trying to make it right… Yeah, give me free access to more shit I can’t get.

Also, speaking of Apple issues - it doesn’t recognize my Wacom tablet any more. Somewhere along the line, the mapping between the tablet and the computer got horked. Went in to the system preferences to fix it and I don’t have a recognized tablet.

Also, also - Had to do an online skill assessment and BOOM! Can’t do that either. Their website requires Java. All three of my browsers have Java. Not one of the three worked with their website…

I. AM. FUCKING. DONE.

——

Been queasy all day. Have barely eaten. Heart rate has been elevated… Panic Attack city over here and it’s just been getting worse all day.

——

In other, happy news, I sent off my request for my grandfather’s birth certificate.

Hopefully I have better luck with that than I did everything else.

Migraines and misery and warm fuzzies

sassy benedict is sassy

Where to begin?

I’ve not felt well since Friday, when I walked away from an offer and passed up a third interview.

The self-doubt was paralysing.

Apparently, it was something I should have listened to.

I didn’t even get a second interview at the restaurant… which was the entire reason I walked away from everything else.

So, yeah. Migraines and misery. The stress wasn’t bad enough as it was, so the bipolar cranked it up to eleventy billion.

And now my brain feels like it’s about to crawl out of my eyeballs, noise hurts, food is just a bad idea, and even brushing my hair caused unbearable agony.

I’m absolutely miserable.

I hate myself for walking away.

I hate myself for letting my hope get out of control.

I hate myself for yet another bad employment related decision.

——

But just when I thought I really wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground, I got this comment on “PARIS”...

*stifled whimpers* agh *shattering noise* b-but *sobbing* THERE WAS SPOONING AND YOU TOOK IT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *rolling on the ground in agony* *clutches knees to chest* FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXX THEMMMMMMMM MARTIN YOU IDIOT AND DOUGLAS FUCKING SAY YOU DONT WANT A ONE NIGHT STAND GOD DAMMIT GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ARSES
... i liked it

And then, I got this one:

Please tell me this isn’t how it ends! :( I can’t bear it.  Why can’t they just get it together? This is just not fair.

A little background since you’re probably not reading it - Martin’s crushing on Douglas. Douglas is crushing on Martin. They decide to sleep together in the same bed. (Just sleep, no sex. I am TERRIBLE at M/M sex scenes. Really terrible.) That does wind up with a little bit of Douglas kissing Martin and then Martin freaks out and pulls away. Then he initiates a kiss, and Douglas pulls away. Martin assumes that all Douglas wants is a one night stand… which couldn’t be farther from the truth. At any rate, the chapter ends with Douglas throwing Martin out of his bed and the two end up heartbroken and in their own beds. There may or may not be a little crying going on.

It’s a real downer of an ending. It’s terrible and I am so sorry that that’s the way it went, but…

Basically, at this point, it’s all dictation. The boys ignored the arc of the trilogy. They definitely wanted to stretch out the tale of their relationship (remember when it bloated to five parts?) and it was hard to reel them back in. So, this happened.

I’ve been getting comments on the Johnlock and “HARTFORD” on how sweet and fluffy they are, and then I write this heartbreaking shit.

I’m amazed with the way I pulled it off and I’m more amazed at the reactions I received.

I knew that I was doing something right when I got that first comment. I really knew I was doing something very right when I got the second. To know that my writing that has that much power… it’s humbling and exciting.

I highly doubt I’ll ever publish a book like I wanted to when I was younger - and, really, I don’t even want to try any more - but publishing little crappy bits of fan fiction is fulfilling enough.

It really is.

And I’m just going to focus on the fact that I do have talent and that people like what I spent months on. That the four (five?) different drafts were worth it. That the extra hours of editing BEFORE I click post are worth it…

Thank you, one and all, who kudo, comment and simply stop by to read.

You certainly made the lingering ick of the last few days bearable.

Now, if I could only get rid of this fucking migraine.