Five days and counting…

twelve arrives and a sherlock mini-episode… i may just explode

I put up lights in my office.

Put up the tree.

Listened to “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.”

Sang along to the New Kids on the Block Christmas album.

What the everloving fuck is wrong with me?

——

I can’t write Cabin Pressure fan fic for the life of me right now… I just can’t ‘hear’ the characters in my head anymore. I’ve got to go back and listen to the episodes again. Including “Molokai” (the Christmas episode! WOOO!).

Sing it with me now:

Get dressed, you merry gentlemen! Let nothing you dismay! For it is Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas Day! It’s Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas Day! It is Chri-i-i-i-istmas Day, Chri-istmas Day! It is Chri-i-i-i-ismas Day!

——

So.

My contact at the Polish Consulate is apparently a big fat liar. Or clueless. I don’t know which one is worse.

I received my package back today with a letter that says they do not do public records searches for genealogy purposes. I’m trying to apply for citizenship, via my grandfather, but I need his birth certificate first. The woman I spoke with knew that, told me what to do, where to send the information to, blah blah blah, so I did.

And now I need to start all over again.

——

Other random bits: I found my Delta Sigma Pi ritual book from 2002-2003.

I remember using it with my kids at Bowling Green and Michigan. Xi struggled to be a good chapter, but Theta Pi was amazing that year, down to the ritual. I was so proud of those kids, my heart still swells with joy when I remember watching the pledges become Brothers. Theta Pi’s also the reason I won District Director of the year in the region and the district.

I remember how disgusted I was that my Brothers totally disregarded the ritual when they voted someone back into National Office who had supposedly done some questionable things with some underaged girls. Is it true? I don’t know. All I know is that the Brother was suspended and removed from his leadership position. There were also rumours of him stealing from his chapters. Again, is it true? Fucked if I know, but the allegations were strong enough for him to be removed.

I can’t (of course) quote the ritual directly, but the vow we take basically says, “I won’t do anything that will fuck over the fraternity.”

He violated that vow, and I’m still a little bitter over it.

I took that shit seriously back then, and I still do now.

I am, and I will always be, Delta Sigma Pi, Theta Iota, Seven-One-Four.

Holy Christ, I’m going to hell… (the fan fic edition)

yep… sherlock has a military kink

Speaking of military kink, I don’t know why the fandom insists upon it, but I know that retired / invalided military types don’t tend to wear their dog tags. They might if they’re active (I don’t know and never asked), but I’ve never seen an ex-military person wear them. There’s a bunch of fan fic out there where John is still wearing his tags and he takes them off his neck and gives them to Sherlock to wear. I don’t see that happening at all. Maybe he takes them out of a box and makes a romantic gift of them, but every time I see John wearing them, it makes me feel weird. Like the writer doesn’t understand the enormity of the symbolism behind those pieces of tin… I know what my dad’s tags meant to him: they were an unhappy reminder of the things he did in Viet Nam and he never wanted to see them again. I can’t imagine John - sweet, scarred John who has nightmares, a psychosomatic limp, hand tremors, and is possibly suffering from depression / PTSD - wearing them at home. AT ALL.

I never thought I’d say this, but I’ve found the one ‘normal’ thing that makes me all squicky.

And there’s been a development in the world of Sherlock fan fic that absolutely pisses me off to no end.

There was a huge screening of S3, E1 “The Empty Hearse” yesterday in London, with a Q & A with the cast…

The fucking moderator had Benedict and Martin read some fan fic. EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE ON RECORD AS NOT BEING COMFORTABLE WITH IT.

And, and, and, and!

IT WAS ROMANTIC, LEADING TOWARDS PORNOGRAPHIC. (I’ve read the fic, I like the fic, but really?!?! They didn’t get to the dirty part, but the part she had them read was obviously leading up to it.)

So - yeah - it got a lot of people up in arms. People hating fan fic writers, fan fic writers hating people like her, fluff vs. porn, I’ve seen it all in the past barely 24 hours. And this isn’t the first time publicity about fic has gotten out of control (look at all the Destiel shit going around, and around, and around, in the Supernatural fandom), which makes this all the more tragic.

I can’t even say what’s going on in my own head… but I guess the short version would be that fan fiction exists, it’s not going anywhere soon, and that we all need to be a little more respectful of ACD / Mofftiss’ creations and the actors who have brought them to life. Does that mean that the PWP writers need to stop? Not necessarily… If the media would let it go, we’d all be better off. The actors are aware it’s out there. The press is aware it’s out there. Can we just leave it at that? When was the last time you saw JK Rowling answering questions about Drarry? OR Romianie? OR Forge (twincest, dude! TWINCEST!)? The Harry Potter fan fic is just as crazy, just as dirty, just as ridiculous as Sherlock’s, but for whatever reason, everybody’s interested in Benedict and Martin’s reactions. Which is such bullshit that I can’t… I just can’t.

And… while we’re on the topic of squick and porn…

MY FUCKING BETA IS FIFTEEN. FIF-FUCKING-TEEN. ONE-FUCKING-FIVE.

Jesus fucking Christ on a fucking pogo stick.

I knew she was young - they all are compared to me - but I didn’t think she was that young.

The scary thing is, she’s actually pretty good. She’s read the first four out of the thirty prompts, and holy shit, does she know the Cabin Pressure canon inside and out. l couldn’t ask for a better beta, but the age thing… Wow.

I guess it’s a good thing that all my attempts at porn in the 2013 Johnlock NaNoWriMo Experience From Hell, no matter how much I tried to dig in and really write it, went something like this: John kissed Sherlock. Sherlock kissed him back. “Bedroom?” “Oh, God, yes!” /// The next morning, John woke up to the sound of something exploding in the kitchen. I can’t imagine giving a fifteen year old some heavy duty porn to proofread, even if she’s reading it on her own elsewhere. I will willingly corrupt the youth of America, but even I have boundaries!

And let’s end this on a happy note: I just read the most beautiful piece of fan fic that didn’t make me cry. Father_Christmas is just amazing. And yeah, again, I saved the PDF of it to read later. As I told the author in the comments, it was a nice reminder that Christmas shouldn’t always be about the empty chairs at the dinner table. It should be about Luke and Han and hope and those that are still sitting at the table.

Even if you’re not a Sherlock fan, it’s good. (No Johnlock - just a little boy’s letters to Father Christmas and the results.)

They are such bad influences…

this never fails to make me smile

I have no idea who I am anymore.

And for the first time in my life, I think I’m really OK with that.

Normally, I try to channel the mania when I go to Albany so that I can ensure I have a good time. It’s not always possible, and it might have more to do with being an introvert and simply having to conserve energy in order to be social, but last night? Last night was ME. Stable, grown up, me in my truest form.

I bought drinks for the first two band members who spent time with me (and before the band tab started). I would have bought for the entire band, but I never got the opportunity… and given my history with alcoholism, it’s a constant source of amazement that I spend so much time in bars, let alone encourage others to drink. So yeah, beers for all!

It was a celebration of the end of my unemployment.

It was a celebration of me finally finding the right place.

From making comments about looking at Bill’s chest instead of his face (he’s fucking tall), a really inappropriate conversation about an older woman who wasn’t wearing panties under her dress, to the LOOK On Bill’s face when all he heard was the tail end of a conversation where I said “Rape me!”, he and I had a pretty good time. I even sat on his lap at one point! I may or may not have also said I wasn’t married last night. (You know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.) He even did something completely out of character and invited me to crash at his place.

Rollz, who never ceases to surprise me, came over to me and instead of saying hi like normal, he said something like, “Hello, gorgeous.” I looked at him and was like, “WOO! An upgrade!” I guess learning piano is easier than learning the guitar, but it’s the one instrument I want to learn that I can’t. All the keys look the same - it’s a never ending sea of black and white. I was called a racist, which cracked me up, and then I listed all the instruments I played, ending with the flute. The skin flute.

Rollz, Charlie, and I were talking about how I was driving home after the show, and I said that I have a blanket and pillow in my car in case I have to crash at a rest stop. Charlie said something about being responsible and locking the car doors if I do that. Rollz suggested that I leave them unlocked and I said that I’m just going to hang a sign on the side of my car that says “Rape me!”

I met a big cuddly teddy bear who has been a friend of Annie’s forever and he told me that the ten years I have on them doesn’t make me old, it makes me superior. Because I’ve lived through things they can only read about. The only reason that even came up is because he said that he used to love R.E.M. when they were still ‘dangerous.’ (Dangerous? Really?) He remembered Monster coming out when he was in ELEMENTARY school. I was in my junior year of college, and waited outside a record store, so I could buy it at midnight. Looking at the time frame, I think he was a little confused. He would have been around what? 10 or 11? Is that still elementary school? I have no idea. At any rate, I felt SO FUCKING OLD.

I’m sorry. I felt SO FUCKING SUPERIOR.

For the first time in a very long time, it was nice to be myself… I don’t dance in small clubs where I’m visible, but I did allow myself to sing along.

I need more nights exactly like last night.

Feeling content…not content

IT CAME TODAY! (but that’s the real deal above, not the doll)

The English language is the most fucked up language in the world. No one can convince me otherwise.

Now that that’s out of the way…

My limited edition Ten doll came today. And if you’re my friend on Facebook, you already know that I freaked out and channelled my inner Guinness. The SECOND I saw that damn FedEx truck, I jumped up and ran to the window. When he stopped in front of the house, I jumped up and down and yelled, “IT’S HERE! IT’S HERE!”

And then I did what any good grown up would do when faced with a limited edition (and very fucking expensive) collectible doll of one of the Whovians favourite NewWho Doctors: I took # 721 / 1,000 out of the box and played with him. I changed his hands. I gave him his sonic screwdriver. I put his glasses on his face. And. It. Was. Awesome.

He’s on the same shelf as Katniss and some of my more sentimental toys: Dad’s mooses, the platypus that looks eerily like my most, most, most favourite British man (and yes, you are my favourite), Cute Printer Boy’s devil duck, the minion L gave me… yeah. My toy shelf just got a new family member.

With that out of the way, I decided to go to Albany tonight for a Black Mountain Symphony show because, well, DUH! It’s time to par-tay!

Dog is in the heavens and all is right in the world.

For now, at least.

——

I want to get a sneak peek of the Cabin Pressure OTP Challenge off to my proofreader before the holidays, so I should probably stop stalling and work on it…

Shippin’ like it’s my job, bitches

unrepentant fangirl ‘til I die

I went to the office today to fill out my new hire paperwork. Why wait until the last minute, right?

I met the other staff accountant (my roomie!!!), filled out that paperwork on the couch in my office, and basically had a good morning.

Seriously.

Pinch me. I can’t believe this is real.

——

I’ve been reading MASSIVE amounts of fan fic, which shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. I mean, what else do I have to do all day?

I’ve been writing MASSIVE amounts of fan fic, which shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone, either.

But it surprised me when I wound up with two books about fan fic on my Kindle.

AO3 was having a ‘fundraiser’ of sorts where if you bought a copy of this non-fiction book about fan fic (Fic: Why Fanfiction is Taking Over the World, by Anne Jamison - AO3’s affiliate link), they’d get a cut of the action. I was kind of ‘eh’ about it until I saw that Atlin Merrick (whom I absolutely adore) was quoted in it. I’m struggling to read it, but I’m not sure why.

It reads (a bit) like it’s written by a Sherlock fan fic writer. There are word choices that seem to fit the Sherlock fandom very well… I don’t know if anyone else would notice, but I’ve been picking up on them. I think that’s kind of why I’m distracted. I keep looking for things that may or may not exist. And, I’m so lazy that I’m not even looking to see if she’s a Sherlockian, which is making it all very interesting.

It reads like an academic essay about the lure of fan fic and why it’s taking off, which is what it is. It delves into Star Trek slash (the ‘start’ of fan fic as we know it), and mentions the Sherlock fandom since it’s been around forever. (Remember, there was ACD canon long before Moffitt’s.) AM’s little bit was right in the beginning and she writes in the same voice she delivers her Johnlock in. I loved it.

And, sadly, that’s as far as I got. I’m just not interested in that kind of heavy writing right now.

But, while I was on the reading about fan fic train, I picked up “Fangirl” by Rainbow Rowell. That was a quick read and it was fun.

I read so many reviews where people bitched that the characters weren’t fleshed out, where the main character didn’t have anything to lose… and honestly, I guess I’ll never be a book reviewer, because I didn’t see any of that.

Maybe it’s because I read so much fan fic? Maybe because I write fan fic?

We get lazy - there’s no reason to flush out the characters because we already know who they are. If I say “Sherlock Holmes”, you don’t necessarily need to be familiar with the BBC show to know who I’m talking about (although it helps.) It’s obvious that the main character is a fangirl of the fictionalised “Harry Potter” franchise, and that she’s a relatively famous fan fic writer in that realm.

In terms of needing to be fleshed out? She’s an antisocial, socially inept, college freshman who lives in a fantasy world. (Even without the fan fic, I was very much the same girl my freshman year, so I identified with her right off the bat.) She’s not close to her twin anymore. She never really gets close to her roommate until the very end. She even struggles to get close to her potential love interest(s). She’s distanced from everyone because she’s so invested in her fan fic world and THAT’S ultimately what the book is about. So, no. I really didn’t give two shits about the people she’s surrounded with.

What does she have to lose? I think a lot more than you’d assume.

On Facebook, I’m open that I write Sherlock fan fiction, but I don’t generally say WHAT I write about.

Here, of course, there’s a little amount of anonymity, but I’m starting to share what I write because certain friends have asked for it to be here. I’m also keeping a running list of all the comments I get in an entry that gets updated every time something hits my inbox.

On AO3, I hide behind a pseudonym and an avatar of Benedict Cumberbatch.

I’m not comfortable telling people outside my circle that I ship male/male relationships, whether they’re platonic, romantic, or merely fuck buddies. For the record, I also ship male/female relationships like EverLark and Shenny, but not nearly as many. Mostly because my favourite things have strong male leads and secondary female characters.

And I’m DEFINITELY not comfortable telling people that I read m/m fan fic in a majority of kinks. (And no - not all kinks are kinky. I don’t do AUs like Wing!lock, Ballet!lock, etc., I’m never going to read mpreg, alpha/beta/omega verse stories, and forget tentacle porn… No. Just. No.)

Telling people I write M/M fan fic? I’d rather die a horrible, painful, drawn out death than tell people I what I write. Maybe it’s my age. Maybe it’s because telling people you enjoy gay relationships to the point where you obsessively write about them is a little uncomfortable?

To circle back - it’s scary telling people you write slash. An eighteen year old girl who writes slash coming out to friends in college? I’d never do it.

I get it. I get her.

I don’t need a heavy plot.

I don’t need character development on lesser characters.

The story is about the girl, her relationship with her fandom and her first year of college and how she eventually ties the two together.

And that’s good enough for me.