Noodle… noodle… noodle.

yep.

I went to see my friend C.C. speak today at a Social Media Breakfast New Hampshire meeting.

It’s been YEARS since I last saw him in person, but it didn’t feel like it.

It was energizing to hear him speak, to see the passion that I know he brings to whatever he’s doing.

And, as he does so well, he planted a seed.

I’ve been noodling on this idea for a while - not going into music - but something else. As always, I have to listen to the bipolar, to my brain, and to my heart… the bipolar is telling me something. My brain agrees. My heart is confused.

And that’s OK.

It kind of comes back - full circle - to his idea of the three words.

Today hit on all three of them:

SELF: This change, if I make it, would definitely be huge. It’d be a return to what makes me me.

FAMILY: I got to spend some time with someone I never get to see, but who I adore.

CREATE: It lit a fire under my ass to get back to doing something I used to really love.

I’m not sure what path I want to take, or where it’s going to lead, but it’s nice to know I have choices…

I haven’t felt that way in a long time.

A lasting legacy

I haven’t really known what to say about two major things that have happened kind of back to back… if you know me well, and you really pay attention to my Facebook news feed / UConn athletics, you’ll know why I’m… not right.

I meant to send a get well soon card but I didn’t know the extent of the illness that kept him away from work. My sources were tight-lipped - I’m not sure why all the secrecy other than that’s the kind of person he is - but it sucks to be on the outside looking in. I was afraid that a commercial card would be cheesey.

Then came the news of his resignation. It floored me. It’s still hard for me to comprehend. He was a good man, a boon to the university, and the program wouldn’t be where its headed without him.

HE was the program.

It won’t be the same without him.

I won’t be the same without him.

Thank you, for everything, Coach Marshall.

When Fandoms Collide

superwholockians, represent!

So much to write about, but I’m going to keep it short.

The “Where’s Finnick? Odair he his!” jokes have started to fly again around the THG Fandom.

My Shenny fanfic has so many little things that are popping up in other fan fics, that I think head canon has taken priority over canon in the fandom. There’s so few new canon Shenny moments, that they’ve already been used to death by other writers. Now, we just need the writers to accept our head canon and put the show back to the way it used to be… before Shamy ruined it.

Weeping. Angels. Weeping. FUCKING. Angels. They will be the death of me. Every time I see a statue now, I can’t blink. I keep hearing Ten tell me if I blink I’m dead. The nightmares! Holy crap did I have nightmares after watching “Blink”. That’s when I know a show is gooooooood.

So much other stuff, but I had fandoms on the brain…. so there you go.

 

“It’s my timey-wimey detector. It goes ‘ding’ when there’s stuff.”

unrepentant whovian

I’m in love with Ten. My friend, M, was right. He is definitely the best one so far… granted I’m only on Series 3 which means I’m four series behind and I haven’t experienced Eleven yet. It’s the trench coat and Chucks. Plus Ten has all the best lines… Nine almost killed the show for me. Thankfully, I have friends who are Whovians that told me to hold out for the regeneration.

They’re very smart, they are.

——

Spent yesterday with my little brother and his family. There was much hugging and many promises to do this more than once a year. (Yup. Another chance to drive home that choosing “Family” was a good idea.)

Today, I had the following conversation with Soup. (That’s a person if you’re new to these parts.)

SOUP: You still managing the band?

ME: No. They broke up. I do have friends in a different band in Upstate NY… their bass player told me I needed to find a job in music because I was so passionate.

SOUP: I def agree. I think we’re on the same path.

ME: I think about looking into the music industry… Boston’s got a pretty good scene, but I’m nervous about making that type of career change.

SOUP: Try it part time in the beginning. I think it’s your calling.

ME:OK. You’re like the third person who has said that to me. That’s scary.

SOUP: Third time’s a charm

ME: Maybe when things calm down in the summer. I’m pretty busy right now.

SOUP: Please just try it.

I haven’t spoken to Soup in years… since 2011-ish, maybe. Early 2012? He kind of came back into my life out of nowhere. It was really weird… but today we had such a nice chat. It’s nice to know that he still thinks about me and finds it important to push me to do what we both know I should be doing for a living.

Apparently putting out into the universe that I need to be better at being a friend is coming true in spades.

—-

There’s been a weird kind of “war” between what I’m calling the “resetters” or “resolutionists” and those that think you can/should change whenever the mood strikes you. Facebook, tumblr, blogs - it’s so random that 2013 is the year that people have decided to take sides over something so stupid as a page flip on a calendar. Is it because the world didn’t end?

I always try to make resolutions. I never seem to keep them, but I like the idea of a reset button. A fresh start. A list of things I want to do. Blah blah blah blahbitty blah blah blah.

Except, this year, I didn’t actually MAKE any resolutions. In a weird fluke of timing, everything is happening now…. I started the three words exercise a few weeks ago when CC’s book came out and finally whittled them down. I discovered the GORUCK Challenge a few months ago and took my time making sure this was something I wanted to, could, would commit to. I signed up for part 1 of the CMA exam a few months ago (and had to put off taking it in the original testing window because of work/anxiety) and this month I start studying in earnest since I take it in February. I’ve been tossing around the idea of the American Girl fencing uniform since July.

I don’t know… if you want to change, change. Does it really matter what spurs you to action and when it starts? The only thing that matters is that you stand by what you chose to do and see it through to its logical conclusion.

——

And on that note, I’m off to spend some time with the Ood.

 

Amazing things will happen…

So, my friend, CC, writes books.

His latest book, Amazing Things Will Happen, is pretty awesome. If you know CC in real life or through any of his blogs, it’s not necessarily new material, but it’s a nice reminder of how to live your life so… ahem… amazing things will happen.

One of his things is to find three words and then focus on them through the year.

My three words, and explanations, follow:

SELF
The bipolar was an absolute bitch to me this past year. It almost forced me to quit my job and go on SSDI. It almost hospitalized me. I vow to take much better care of my mental health this year. No more over committing at work. It fucked up my work life balance and was key in the downward spiral.

Then there’s the physical side of the equation. I want to do the GORUCK Challenge. I still can’t explain the why, except to say that it became something that resonates with me and it’s something I need to do. Well, it’s pretty obvious to me that I’m not going to survive it without some help, so enter the personal trainer. All my physical health goals - lose weight, more strength - are specific to the GRC, but I also know that they will benefit me in the long run.

FAMILY
I went with family as opposed to relationships because I have a lot of friends who I consider family. I don’t spend nearly enough time with them and recent events have shown me that it’s not enough to say that person’s like a sister/brother to me. I need to prove it. I need to figure out how to put myself in their lives and let them into mine. I don’t want to lose any more people because I sit on the sidelines and let them live their lives around me.

Yesterday, I did lunch with a person I absolutely adore, a brother, who I had lost touch with. The usual excuses were there (work, kid, baby momma) and we both acknowledged how easy it was to pull away and get sucked into your personal drama. We both admitted that we needed each other. We both promised to keep in touch more often. Will we? Yesterday’s lunch was a great start and I’m looking forward to many more.

CREATE
Another one with a second word… I was going to go with projects instead, but create sounds better because most of my projects are creative. The American Girl fencing uniform, finally getting a new website off the ground, taking more photos, etc. It’s all the stuff I want to do every year, and most years I do succeed. I just wanted to add it to my list to be more accountable.

I think my favorite, non creative, “create” project is to try to create a more concrete, yet very abstract, link to my mother. Like the GRC, I’m not quite sure why, but I’m suddenly interested in the idea of using her birth certificate to get dual citizenship. I don’t know what all is involved in it, but I want to look into it.

2013 looks to be a good year - there’s a lot of good things on the horizon and there’s a lot of good things on the to-do list.

2012 can SUCK IT. It’s definitely time to move on, and the timing couldn’t be better.