I need someone to brit-pick my damn blog!

The tube station is Tower HILL. TOWER HILL. Not Tower Bridge.

Dumbass.

Spent a good chunk of yesterday with a massive sinus headache. Couldn’t knit because of the hole in my finger, decided not to read fan fic because all it did was make me want to write more, couldn’t read an actual book because I couldn’t focus on the plot, couldn’t even really focus on the TV.

SO. FUCKING. BORED.

About the only useful thing I did was skim a London tour book I had looking for creepy spots to place bodies. I found quite a few.

It’s really a shame that we’re not going to London before NaNo, because I’d really like to check out the body dump sites for myself.

(HI, US GOVERNMENT! Now that you’re done being children and have time to get back to more important things, are you loving my google searches on writing gay sex, the differences between a .9MM handgun and a .38, blood spatter, knives, serial killers and best places to dump a body in London yet? You’ll notice, too, that I’ve been googling ways to leave the country. I’m sure you’ll put two and two together and get seven, but I wouldn’t expect any less of you morons.)

——

side note: tumblr claims ‘Merlin’ is more homoerotic than ‘Sherlock’. With lines like “You’re not going to put it in my mouth!” “I am, and you’re going to swallow!” I can see why.

——

Speaking of leaving the country… woke up this morning excited to continue my UK job search. I’m also going to look into UK colleges/universities and research MBA programs today.

I have a friend on FB (a guy I knew during my entire journey through the Manchester public school system, but that’s really as far as it went) who is fascinated by my expat-ing progress. (Yeah. I made a word. Deal with it.) I’ve been discussing it with him pretty in-depth and it’s kind of cool to be able to have those discussions with him.

But I don’t bring that up to talk about becoming an expat, because really, it’s all right there in the first sentence of this section. I bring it up because out of my 91 (92 once I add N’s wife) friends on FB, most of them are people I was - at best - acquaintances with. Now through the magic of the internet and bipolar meds, I’m able to form lasting relationships. REAL friendships. I keep my FB friends under 100 on purpose. If you make the cut, it means you’re really important to me. (Aaaaaawwwwww! Schmoop!)

I think it’s Facebook’s only real value to me right now because I’m losing interest in being on the site all day every day. (Proof that I’m ready to rejoin the living and get out of this depression?)

——

While we’re talking schmoop, I had some pretty intense Marlas dreams last night. Nothing but fluff… lots of fluff. Couch cuddles and top of head kisses. Bears polar and the seven dwarfs. Sitting around the portacabin making fun of Carolyn. Playing charades with Arthur (even though we all know that’s a TERRIBLE idea.) Just being cute.

Dog, I miss them. A lot.

I really had no idea how much I missed them until they were gone.

I don’t want to waste all that time I’ve spent doing the research for the casefic, but I’m really leaning towards doing the 30 Day OTP Challenge for NaNo.

Anything to spend more time with my boys…

Restless

look, jawn, i’m humpty dumpty! omg, sherlockians

I vented on Facebook yesterday that I’m pissed at BBC America for showing nothing but “Star Trek:TNG” and other American shit during the day.

Netflix has decided that “horror”, “slasher and serial killer”, and “haunted house” are no longer acceptable genres for the movies I can access from our TiVo. Now I’m stuck with the choices of “romantic comedies”, “romantic dramas”, “children’s” and other crap. I really only get to watch cheesy horror flicks when I’m home alone because J doesn’t like them. PLUS, IT’S OCTOBER. My Netflix should be full of that crap.

FearNet OnDemand has absolute crap, too this month. If I want to watch a “good” horror movie, I have to pay for it. I’m not really made of money right now, so xfinity can bite me.

I admit to having terrible taste in TV shows and if something doesn’t grab me in the first episode, I’m done. Can I just tell you the TV shows that Netflix have available have all been watched for at least a half hour (if an hour long) or two episodes if it’s a half hour show.

I can’t do it.

I need the background noise, and I can’t listen to podcasts because they require a certain level of attention that I don’t have right now. Like my music when I’m driving, I need something familiar. Something I’ve seen before, or something without a plot (horror movies are, of course, awesome for this), so that I can focus on the knitting or the job hunting or even reading fan fic (or real books, I do still read real books).

Seriously - can I tell you how long it took me to listen to “Cabin Pressure” or “Neverwhere”? FOREVER.

I’m literally out of options.

Six months of being unemployed will do that to me, I guess.

——

Dear New Hampshire Department of Employment Security,

The number of jobs I apply to every week has declined because there is nothing out there that I am qualified for… and it is depressing.

It also sucks because you don’t like blind ads/recruiters, and those are the majority of the jobs that I am actually qualified for.

Please understand that I’m doing the best I can and my every other day job search isn’t really every other day. It’s just that on my “days off”, I can’t find anything new.

Thanks.

Love,

Me

Boobs!

women are definitely NOT his area

Four emails sent to immigration solicitors… zero responses.

New recruiter added to my collection… zero positions.

Have I mentioned that I’m miserable lately?

——

I decided to work on a pair of socks for my personal trainer as a Christmas gift. She’s been hinting like mad, so why not? It won’t take me that long. (She’s got little feet.)

——

“This week: HARTFORD!” goes live on AO3 this weekend if it kills me. I wanted to get all three parts done before uploading any of it, but Zurich is getting a pretty extensive rewrite to the ending and I’m stuck.

Signed up for NaNo this year. I seem to have a pattern of every four years, and then two in a row (‘03, ‘04, ‘08, ‘09) so ‘13 and ‘14 are on deck. I think I’m NOT going to work on my Johnlock casefic, but I’m not sure. I may do a 30 Day OTP Challenge for Johnlock. Maybe Marlas. Maybe Skipthur. I can’t decide which fandom/OTP yet.

Eh. At least it will give me something to do if I’m still unemployed…

——

Used a VPN yesterday to access the BBC iPlayer so I could watch “The Graham Norton Show” with Benedict Cumberbatch and Harrison Ford. (They don’t bleep out the swears! WOOHOO!) I swear, if the BBC America version gets even a second edited out, I will cut a bitch.

I forgot to log out of the VPN when I went to file my unemployment claim, so I was getting an error message. Turns out that you must have a US-based IP address to file a claim online.

I explained to the guy what I was doing with the UK VPN and he laughed. Then, of course, he was legally required to ask me if I was working for a UK company and using a VPN to access the employer’s network.

I told him - point blank - that if I was working for a UK company, I would NOT be working virtually. I would be over there. I also wouldn’t be wasting my time looking for a job and filing unemployment claims. He laughed again.

I guess my general stabbiness regarding the location of my residence and the success of my job search was fucking hilarious.

Jackass.

——

I’m watching “The People’s Court” and there’s some people on here from Lynn, MA. They’re talking about locations in Beverly that I know well. It’s weird.

——

No more stalling - I’m off to Zurich.

whee.

The Dark Place beckons

oh, jawn, don’t be so obvious

Why most of the fandom thinks Johnlock is canon…

From “A Study In Pink”, the pilot episode:

Dr John Watson: You don’t have a girlfriend then?
Sherlock Holmes: Girlfriend? No, not really my area.
Dr John Watson: Alright… Do you have a boyfriend? Which is fine, by the way.
Sherlock Holmes: I know it’s fine.
Dr John Watson: So you got a boyfriend?
Sherlock Holmes: No. NOTE: he does NOT say men are not his area. He just says ‘no’.
Dr John Watson: Right. Okay. You’re unattached. Like me. Fine. Good.
Sherlock Holmes: John, erm… I think you should know that I consider myself married to my work, and while I’m flattered by your interest, I’m really not looking for any…
Dr John Watson: No. I’m… not asking. No. I’m just saying, it’s all fine.
Sherlock Holmes: Good. Thank you.

The first time I saw this episode I didn’t think much of this scene - John declares he’s not gay / not Sherlock’s boyfriend when Angelo insists on bringing a candle for the table. I read it as it’s probably meant to be read: “Please, Dog, don’t tell me that besides the violin and not talking for days, you are also going to be a terrible flatmate because you engage in freaky loud sex and have your lover(s) over at all hours of the day.”

Then, I watched the next two episodes in Series One. 

And then, I watched all three episodes of Series Two.

And then, I watched all six several times more.

After that, I put on my Johnlock goggles and I haven’t looked back.

——

Four CVs sent to the UK today. Two resumes to the US.

It’s now my FOURTH try with this one US-based (global) company. I apply for positions that might be a stretch. I apply for positions I’m overqualified for. I apply for positions that are the right fit.

I am definitely qualified for SOMETHING In their finance department…

But, all I get are the “leave us alone” emails.

I’m thinking my next cover letter will promise sexual favours for a fucking interview.

What else have I got to lose?

In a very frank conversation with a recruiter that does larger company staffing (with international companies!), I told him point blank that I would do ANYTHING for a Tier 2 visa. ANYTHING. Scrub toilets. Babysit. Furry animals.

OK. Maybe I’m little desperate if I’d bring up certain… questionable… tasks. 

Seriously, though, I’d definitely do an animal before I babysat. *grin*

——

I’m lost… so lost.

I just want a job.

I’ll stay in the US if I have to. I really don’t mind. It just changes the game plan a little… we would need to figure out a way to use the full six months granted on a visitor’s visa instead of living there a full year.

I just need a reason to get out of bed and put on clothes. Interact with the world. Do my laundry. Grab groceries.

It’s getting harder every day, and I don’t know how to fix it.

It doesn’t help that I’m irrationally angry at one of my friends for all his good fortune.

Not that he doesn’t deserve this chance at a new, good, life… he’s worked hard for it and paid his dues.

But motherfuck does it piss me off that a convicted felon can get a job (twice), gets his college paid for, and married a woman who doesn’t need his income to survive.

I have two fucking degrees. I’m wicked smart. I’m willing to work for peanuts compared to others with my skills because I got my accounting degree so late.

Why can’t I find a job and NOT get let go?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

*sigh*

The day after

girl, look at that body…

Oh, Sherlockians…

——

My 20th high school reunion is this weekend. I am not there for a number of reasons.

The most important of which is probably the most obvious as well.

I hated high school.

I don’t know what went wrong - I had friends. I had a good time. Life was mostly good.

But in the end it didn’t leave me with that warm, fuzzy feeling college did.

Plus, from what I can tell, Jenn’s death has cast a long shadow over the get together…

As it should.

I’m still wrestling with the fact that another member of the class of 1993 has died from cancer.

Was there something in the water when I was growing up?

How many more of us are carrying ticking time bombs?

——

When I was let go two weeks ago, I decided to use a combination of GTD and the Unschedule to organize my unpaid third vacation and make myself more productive than I was the last two times.

So far, I’ve failed miserably.

Of course, as is well documented here, I’ve been feeling sorry for myself, letting my depression get the better of me, and that’s just not cool.

Today, I feel better than I have in a while. I’m hoping that momentum carries forward into tomorrow. I have an interview with a recruiter and I don’t need to blow it like I did on Friday with a different recruiter.

*sigh*

——

I suppose it’s time to get back to Logan’s sweater… I’ve been kicking ass with it and it will be done by the time I meet with my knitting group on Tuesday. It has to be. I’m going to need some help from C - I can’t remember how to do a three-needle bind off. *grin*