I caught feelings

Lewis Capaldi image borrowed from the BBC because none of mine came out OK

Because we always give credit where credit is due, you can see the image in it’s full glory here

I went to see Lewis Capaldi in Boston the week after the hockey game with Bestie. (I’ve reacquainted myself with the Commuter Rail. Oh, joy!)

I had been excited about the show, but once I got off the T at Kenmore, the whole vibe was off. Then, I saw that The Maine were playing across the street at the House of Blues. I really loved their (now ancient) album Black & White. Right Girl is definitely my fave song on that album. It shows up on just about every playlist I make for some reason… so when I saw their tour bus on the street, it took everything in my power to not walk over and watch that show.

MGM Music Hall at Fenway sells standing room only tickets on the top floor. I have no idea that I’d be in SRO on the tippity top floor of the venue, but that does explain why the ticket - even via reseller - was so cheap. It was a crappy view and they had some bar height tables in between SRO and the railing, so of course, I was stuck behind some kids who were fascinated with taking flash pictures of themselves. (Way old enough to know better, too.) Mom and dad didn’t give a fuck, which made everything so much better.  I was also standing next to Those Girls. There are always girls at shows who spend the entire time bitching and whining about wanting to hear the (eventual) encore. Aaaaand when said song is played, they talk through the entire thing. I mean, he doesn’t have a vast catalog like R.E.M., so it was kind of easy to figure out what the encore was going to be. (Or they could be like my bestie Mom over there, who spoiled the entire setlist because she was comparing it to one she found online. Dad found his ballsack for that and told her to shut up, which was nice. Why he chose that to speak up about and NOT HIS FUCKINGS KIDS is beyond me.)

It took me forever to put my finger on why I was so miserable the entire show. I mean like cried through the entire thing miserable.

Well, dumbass, maybe because all he writes are fucking love songs?

I am here to prove that just because a song is about a romantic relationship, that doesn’t mean I can’t twist it into how much I miss my father.  Especially when it’s only 12 days before the 25th anniversary of his death.

The entire setlist, in all it’s glory:

Survive
i might have started the night absolutely fucking bawling. those first two lines. oof.
How long ‘til it feels like the wound’s finally starting to heal?

Grace
I got nothing but you on my mind

Heavenly Kind of State of Mind
Oh, Lord, I ain’t afraid to die if it means I’m by your side. It would be such a heavenly way to say goodbye. From now until the afterlife, be it rain or hail or shine, we could be intertwined.

Forever
Nobody said that it would last forever. // They’ll never take those long summer days…

Wish You the Best
I miss knowing what you’re thinking, and hearing how your day has been. // Right now, you’re probably by the ocean… //  I wanna say, “I wish that you never left” oh, but instead, I only wish you the best. I wanna say, “Without you, everything’s wrong” and you were everything I need all along.

Love the Hell Out of You
fuck. this one got me good. i cried through the entire thing…
You got your demons, spent seasons on the dark side of the moon. Don’t try denying ‘cause you know that I’ve been there, too. Right now I know how it feels, like the world’s gonna end, but I’ll get you through. If it’s the last thing I do.  I’m gonna love the hell out of you. Take all the pain that you’re going through. I’ll bring you heaven, if that’s what you need, ‘cause you’ve always loved the hell out of me.

Almost
i might have cried through this one, too.
I swear to God, I’m, almost alright. I only think about you all the time. I almost never fall asleep withing you were here with me. And I promise I completely let you go. I swear to God, I’m almost OK. I only talk about you every day. It almost never cut me deep when I had to watch you leave. And I promise I completely let you go. Almost.

Bruises
Maybe I’m just being blinded by the brighter side of what we had because it’s over, well there must be something in the tide. I’ve been told, I’ve been told to get you off my mind…

Pointless
Of all the dreams I’m chasing, there’s only one I choose. Everything is pointless without you.

Something in the Heavens
I’ll love you ‘til my last breath. You’re gone but something in the heavens tells that we’ll be together again.  // Just days of permanent grey since you disappeared. But, ‘til the day I die, I will dream of you. In a million lives, you’re the one I’d choose. 

Leave Me Slowly
So, if you’re gonna leave me, just leave me slowly…  I’d rather that you lay here, than leave me lonely. Stay for a while, just one more mile, before we say goodbye.

Forget Me
Days ache and nights are long. Two years and still, you’re not gone. Guess I’m still holding on.

The Day That I Die
i. ugly. cried. through. the. entire. fucking. thing.
Just as the sun will rise and the sun will set, I will love you just the same from somewhere different. Until you close your eyes, and we meet again, don’t you, don’t you cry. On the day that I die, I promise I will be reliving every second, every minute, of you and I. Flashing right before my eyes, every young and dumb decision, every blessing I was given. What a life.

Before You Go
jesus fuck. i ugly cried through this one too…
When you hurt under the surface, like troubled water running cold, well, time can heal, but this won’t. So, before you go, was there something I could’ve said to make your heart beat better? If only I’d have known you had a storm to weather. So, before you go, was there something I could’ve said to make it all stop hurting? It kills me how mind can make you feel so worthless.

Stay Love
Oh, love, I’m a mess right now. Can you help me out? ‘Cause it’s all gone south. Oh, love, make the hurt not hurt, ‘cause the pills don’t work. They just make it worse. // Oh, life can be cruel sometimes. It’s the perfect crime with an alibi.

Hold Me While You Wait
I wish that I was good enough. If only I could wake you up…

Someone You Loved
yup. the. whole. fucking. thing.

 

I’m going under and this time I fear there’s no one to save me
This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy

I need somebody to heal
Somebody to know
Somebody to have
Somebody to hold
It’s easy to say
But it’s never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain

Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

I’m going under and this time I fear there’s no one to turn to
This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you

Now, I need somebody to know
Somebody to heal
Somebody to have
Just to know how it feels
It’s easy to say
But it’s never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape

Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes
I fall into your arms
I’ll be safe in your sound til I come back around

For now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

But now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved