File Under Grain
March 05, 2021 :: 7:57 PM
Dylan O’Brien is totally on my list. You know, THE LIST.
On Monday, I stumbled across some very good fan fic.
You know: Poetry. Angels sing. God is in the heavens and all is right in the world.
When I find something that makes me want to NEVER! WRITE! AGAIN! I treasure that bitch.
And then, when I finish it, I obsess over whatever my current WIP is.
I’m on draft 4 of my shitty Teen Wolf fic, draft 3 of my Yuri!!! On Ice fic, draft 6 of my Harry Potter Eighth Year fic (now with multiple POVs! WOOO!), and I’m stuck on the 2nd 3rd 4th fuck it, I lost count draft of my Harry Potter soulmates fic.
It’s probably an understatement that I’m obsessing over what fic to obsess over…
But. FUCK.
For as smart as I am, for as many words as I’ve written over my lifetime, for the voices I’ve cultivated both for ‘serious’ writing and ‘internet’ writing, I still suffer from Imposter Syndrome.
My writing has won fucking awards. It’s popular on AO3. It’s made grown men cry. It answered that age old question, How Do You Tell Someone You Don’t Love Them Any More? It’s opened wounds. It’s healed them.
It’s alive and amazing and wonderful and it’s something I created. By myself. For myself.
But. FUCK.
That little lemony piece of goodness I finished snacking on - why was it so fucking short - was just an amazing piece.
One day, I’ll be able to write mindblowing tales of tentacle porn between ghosts, blow up T-Rexes, and walruses who are calculating the square root of cheese while doing lines of coke and having sex with chickens…
No.
Wait.
That wasn’t the story I just read.
That was the fucked up dream I had when I added a doxy to my nighttime ‘fuck insomnia’ cocktail.
Kinda made me never want to sleep again.
Seriously.
*sigh*
One of my fanfic groups asked if you were any AO3 tag which one(s) would you be?
I chewed on that question for days but the winner is: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT
Honorable mention went to no beta we die like men, but I’m totally a dead dove.
The deadest of doves.
Day whatever of Quarantine is under my belt (we both tested fucking positive!) and I am miserable.
Thankfully, that little habit I developed of working over the weekend has served me well. My home office is set up and (mostly) organized and I’ve been working without missing a beat.
In other news, we’re not firing my staff accountant… she quit.
Small little issue with her replacement, but I’m hoping it won’t blow up into something larger. I’m all for second chances and this seems like it might be worth the risk.
