I can finally, honestly, say I’ve had my first few shitty days at work.
Compounded by Teh Drama of the Suicidal One. (Not bad, but his mom’s involved now and it’s weird having this relationship with her considering I’ve only met her once in the 20+ years we’ve been in each other’s lives.)
I’m tired.
I’m burned out.
I’m done.
I need a weekend to sleep, and instead I’m going to Woodstock on Saturday.
Apparently, I need a Black Mountain Symphony fix (with a side of dirty hippies and ‘shroom dealers) more than I need rest.
——
My back up drive is still causing problems. I think I know why it won’t mount now - it appears to be a power issue. If I unplug and replug it a gazillion times, it will finally work. I’ve got to pull all my data off of it and then it’s going back. I can’t deal with this shit and I shouldn’t have to.
——
I’ve been trying not to think about this, but I can’t help it.
Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the day I got laid off.
(I know, I’m employed now, so why should it matter? Well, it does.)
I sucked it up for three years. Three long, hellish years where I gave up too much of myself.
I mean, I worked on my fucking BIRTHDAY despite taking it off. On that same long weekend, I went in on Sunday. (Happy fucking birthday to me, right?)
I had this blind, stupid, hope that everything would work out, and I’d get rewarded for fighting through all the shit I had to deal with. (Details for me to know and you to… well guess, I guess.)
Hope is a motherfucking bitch.
Instead of a raise, a bonus, extra time off and all the other carrots they promised me and failed to deliver on, I was let go.
I realised the other day that I DID get my reward.
If they hadn’t let me go (and subsequently closed the doors for good - kinda. It’s complicated.), I wouldn’t have bounced around for a year trying to find my perfect job.
Which means I probably wouldn’t have wound up at my current job.
So - I did get my carrot, after all.
It just came in the form of a great job with a great company that has a great future… and wasn’t them.
——
I want to find David Arnold and Michael Price and hug the shit out of them.
Their Sherlock soundtracks are amazing.
They’re perfect. Beautiful and moving. Powerful. Whimsical. Just really fucking awesome.
Sherlock’s music is perfect for work. It’s stimulating enough to keep me comfortably distracted but fades into the background well enough so it’s not all I pay attention to.
——
I’m still stuck in the Dark Ages of pop music and just discovered “I Will Follow You Into The Dark” by Death Cab for Cutie.
For whatever reason, I always picture vacancy signs with huge noses when I hear the line: “Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs.” I get where they’re going with that imagery, but I like my version better.
and the wisdom to remember that i am not a member of the psychotic side of the fandom
Blew that on my 2nd day of acknowledging my SuperWhoLockiness.
Whoops.
——
Two very real things that happened at work today (posted to FB, but saved here for posterity)
1) When told he was a “pain in the ass”, someone responded with “I’d like to think I’m a pleasure in the ass.” [waits a beat] “I probably could have phrased that better.”
Please note: Anal sex jokes are perfectly appropriate at work. Calling women a “See You Next Tuesday” is not.
2) Currently listening to the Marketing Manager and the Director of Finance having a VERY EMOTIONAL discussion (complete with name calling) over fast food restaurants.
I seriously laughed until I cried when I heard the MM tell the DoF “You’re a fucking moron. In-N-Out Burger. What the fuck is wrong with you? Moron.”
If I haven’t said it enough: I LOVE MY FUCKING JOB!!!!!!!!! I don’t even have the words.
Yesterday, I was told that the game plan is for me to take over as DoF in two years. Really.
*happy dance*
——
Speaking of game plans…
I decided yesterday (?) that I was going to apply for Ukrainian citizenship on the off-chance they get their shit together and join the EU. (Fucking Russians are in the way. If you need to know what I’m going on about: start here. Then, go here.)
If the Russians were to get out of the way, and the Ukraine was able to join the EU, I’d have my golden ticket to the UK again.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s a long shot, but if this whole citizenship adventure has shown me anything, it’s that I’m not afraid to put myself out there for crushing heartbreak if it means I’m closer to leaving the US.
It’s not like leaving my current job is an option. I’m too happy there to even think about leaving. Besides, I’m holding out hope that they finally get established somewhere among the EU member states and I get to relocate there.
——
I’ve decided that I am never going to write original fiction again.
Writing fan fiction is so much “easier”. I can still write my fucked up story lines, but I don’t have to do any character development.
I’m working on a new one because the four I already have started just aren’t enough, I guess. I had to add a fifth.
——
Our Regional Director of Finance is in the office this weekend, which means I’m in the office all weekend. Literally ALL WEEKEND.
I can’t believe I’m as excited about this as I am. I can’t wait to spend Saturday and Sunday with the RDoF. He’s hilarious. Added bonus: I get some much needed training! *happy dance*
That friend, with the divorce, and the suicide watch, and the blunt text I sent?
Still haven’t heard back from them.
Commenced freaking out a couple of days ago.
Sent a “please fucking tell me you’re still breathing” text.
Nothing.
I posted this as my FB status today: I don’t know how much more I can give without losing everything I’ve worked so hard for… And I’m pissed at myself for giving in and putting myself in that position in the first place.
Some people are just takers, and I should keep my distance. I don’t know why I can’t.
(My american football / hockey boyfriend had the best comment on that: “I assume you are talking about BU hockey. I know the feeling.” LOVE HIM.)
Not quite a cry for attention, but if you knew what was going on, you knew why it was as vague as it was. It got the attention it needed from the person it needed attention from. So. Yeah.
Turns out my friend was reassigned from one residence to another. Their new place of residence has a mental health facility and is better adept to take care of them.
While I hope it was my too blunt text that caused this, I’m well aware that there is a very high possibility of them doing something stupid and drastic that resulted in their move…
I promised both of us I wouldn’t walk away again.
But Jesus fucking Christ on a motherfucking pogo stick, do they make it impossible to want to keep that promise…
One of the women I knit with got into Sherlock. (Had nothing to do with me loaning her the DVDs. Nope.)
She watched the third series and asked me - no joke - what the hell happened with the show.
Yeah.
I don’t know, either.
——
I was thinking about fan fiction today…
It seems so dirty - like all of us fic writers and readers are filthy degenerates.
Well, to you, I give this:
Any time anything is ever based on something that exists, that’s fan fiction.
Somebody loved something enough to recreate it and put their spin on it.
For Mofftiss, it was to recreate their beloved Sherlock Holmes and move him into the 21st century.
For Bryan Fuller, it was to create a version of Hannibal Lecter before Harris’ Red Dragon introduced him to the world.
I just started watching “Hannibal” and it’s OK. It’s not terrible. It’s not great.
It’s watchable.
What really put it on my radar was tumblr. (Big surprise!)
Or to be more exact, discussions of the sexuality of the show on tumblr.
Apparently, it’s OK to ship Lecter and Starling all you want. It’s a het couple and it’s well established. (And fuck, in the third book of the ‘Hannibal Trilogy’ as I call it, Harris gives us Clannibal. As gross as it was.)
It is NOT OK to ship Lecter and Will (Hannigram), because and I quote: LECTER IS NOT GAY.
As I understand it, fic writers who live in a world where a serial killing cannibal is gay are twisted, but people who live in a world where that same serial killing cannibal is straight are perfectly okie-dokie.
I mean, people who like stories about serial killers - especially those who are cannibals - aren’t twisted in the slightest. Whether or not the serial killing cannibal in question is bent.
I dunno. I never thought about Hannibal Lecter in terms of sexuality and ‘shipping’ because when I was introduced to Harris’s books, I was too young / too sheltered to know that stuff like that existed.
Watching “Hannibal” today? With access to shipping goggles?
I don’t see it either way. Lecter with Clarise Starling or Lecter with Will Graham? Neither does anything for me… I feel that Lecter isn’t a sexual character in any way, shape, or form. Like he’s evolved past that in a way that only Sherlock can dream of. (Sorry - not to defend my Johnlock-iness, but the BBC’s version is definitely dripping with homoerotic tension. It’s a conscious choice by Mofftiss.)
I forgot where I was going with this… something about porn and slash and OH!
Folders named “How to take it up the ass like the bitch you are”. That’s where I was going with that.
I picked my laptop up on Friday and they had to put a new top case thingy on it. My power button is now flush with the casing instead of sitting beneath it. It feels weird to not have to be careful when I hit the power button… I was cutting myself on the sharp edge for a bit there.
They didn’t even need to turn it on.
I actually bummed about that. I really wanted to talk about the murder ideas…
——
Decided, fuck it. I’ve done all the leg work.
I’m applying for Ukrainian citizenship. While I highly doubt it will happen, the Ukraine could become a member of the EEC. So, yeah. I’ll have a golden ticket.
——
Work is keeping me busy.
Writing fan fic is keeping me busy.
Knitting is keeping me busy.
Reading is keeping me busy.
Playing ‘college student or homeless person’ is keeping me busy.
I needed to get out of my head a little bit, so I went to tumblr for some fun and giggles.
... and quite possibly, some Hiddles.
There was way less fangirling over Hiddles’ appearance on Top Gear than I expected, and more angsty bullshit than I wanted.
*sigh*
——
Also, I just realised that all of my research for all of my fan fic is on that damn laptop. And when I say ALL of my research, I mean ALL of my research.
Gee, I hope they don’t look in the folder named “How to take it up the ass like the bitch you are.”
(Just kidding… I don’t have a folder by that name, but wouldn’t it be awesome if I did?)
But seriously, I don’t know if that would be more disturbing than the amount of information I have on blood spatters / pictures of crime scenes / different theories on how to dispose of a body / real life serial killers. That information is, however, in a very clearly labelled folder called “Murder Ideas”. Sitting on my desktop. Right next to the folder labelled “UK Move”.
Yep, murder ideas and extensive notes on how to leave the country.
If you don’t hear from me in a few days, it’s because my laptop’s been confiscated and I’m in jail.
