But it’s what I want!

my fucking heart just broke into a zillion pieces

Had an interview today where they were looking for someone with cost/manufacturing/inventory experience.

I have none of that. I’m not even sure why I was presented for the position…

But I want to be a cost accountant. To do that, I need manufacturing and inventory experience.

It’s a vicious fucking circle, ain’t it?

——

Got this in my email today:

Hi jankins,

I’ve eventually got your new note about the meeting on this week end. I perhaps might not be in a position to can come this time because of work load in work place.

Just in case you are planning for a meetup then inform me I most certainly will be almost completely free because my task is finishing in three to four days.

Give my love to the little children right from my side.

See ya.

Now, I’m even getting Tammy Jankins’ spam.

Brilliant. (At least it was relatively amusing.)

——

While I’m making fun of other people’s command - or lack thereof - of the English language, I have to poke fun at myself.

Yesterday’s interview went relatively well, but when I wrote about it in the paper journal, I wrote that, “I misunderestimated the amount I needed to prep for that interview.”

Mis-fucking-underestimated.

What the everloving fuck is wrong with me?!? At least I didn’t say it during an interview.

*sigh*

——

Life goes on. And the earth continues to spin around the sun. I think.

(My favorite line from Sherlock fits here nicely: “Oh hell, what does it matter?! So we go round the sun - if we went round the moon or… round and round the garden like a teddy bear, it wouldn’t make any difference.”)

I get up, I put on pants, I feed myself… every day is a victory.

I can live with that.

Beverly! Beverly! BEVERLY!

he’s touching me, jawn. save me, jawn

Just watched - for the 8 billionth time - the unaired Sherlock BBC pilot. There’s so much more I love about it than the one that actually aired, even though it’s a half hour shorter than the aired one.

They joke on tumblr that after seeing the original version, the decision was made to make it “less gay”.

Personally, I think when they made it an hour and a half long, they put in more opportunities for the intense eye sex between the two men.

But that’s just me.

——

I’m having a pretty good run - two recruiters and three companies have / will interview me by the end of tomorrow. I passed up an interview, too.

It hurt to pass up that interview… it was for a state college with a good business program and one of the perks was free tuition.

Unfortunately, the amount of the pay cut I had to endure didn’t make the tuition savings a decent trade off.

Besides… I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m done fucking around. I was supposed to go to Boston University. I STILL want to go to BU.

If I’m going to invest all that time and energy getting an MBA, that piece of paper is going to say Boston University on it, or what’s the point?

——

Jenn’s funeral is Thursday, but I’m going to CT on Friday, and possibly Sunday. Maybe I’ll swing by the cemetery and pay my respects on my own.

Logan’s sweater is DONE. DONE. DONE. DONE. Next on deck: socks for Heather and a project (to be determined) for Clumpy. Plus, you know, finish all those WIPs that have been hanging out forever.

Black Mountain Symphony show on Friday - Manchester, CT to Manchester, VT… that takes me through NH, MA, CT, VT. Four states in a day. That sounds about right. *grin*

My Cabin Pressure trilogy was an honest to goodness trilogy, and then, it went kablooey. We’re back up to four parts. And that’s AFTER I took out every thing that didn’t need to be there. I guess I just need to accept the fact that this is the way the story is going to be told, and fuck all my rewrites.

——

By the way, still alive. Still doing fine.

As if there were any doubt I’d come out the other side.

The day after

girl, look at that body…

Oh, Sherlockians…

——

My 20th high school reunion is this weekend. I am not there for a number of reasons.

The most important of which is probably the most obvious as well.

I hated high school.

I don’t know what went wrong - I had friends. I had a good time. Life was mostly good.

But in the end it didn’t leave me with that warm, fuzzy feeling college did.

Plus, from what I can tell, Jenn’s death has cast a long shadow over the get together…

As it should.

I’m still wrestling with the fact that another member of the class of 1993 has died from cancer.

Was there something in the water when I was growing up?

How many more of us are carrying ticking time bombs?

——

When I was let go two weeks ago, I decided to use a combination of GTD and the Unschedule to organize my unpaid third vacation and make myself more productive than I was the last two times.

So far, I’ve failed miserably.

Of course, as is well documented here, I’ve been feeling sorry for myself, letting my depression get the better of me, and that’s just not cool.

Today, I feel better than I have in a while. I’m hoping that momentum carries forward into tomorrow. I have an interview with a recruiter and I don’t need to blow it like I did on Friday with a different recruiter.

*sigh*

——

I suppose it’s time to get back to Logan’s sweater… I’ve been kicking ass with it and it will be done by the time I meet with my knitting group on Tuesday. It has to be. I’m going to need some help from C - I can’t remember how to do a three-needle bind off. *grin*

Of love and loss

don’t be… dead. would you do that just for me? just stop it. stop this.

I’ve been working like a mad woman on Logan’s sweater. (I love that kid. I really do. He’s the first kid to ever receive that honour.)

I received a package in the mail today from a friend. (I feel loved. I needed that.)

Found out a girl I went to high school with lost her battle with cancer. (Um… do I need to tell you that’s the loss part?)

It was hard to read that news.

She’s got several kids, single mother, breast cancer… it’s about as shitty a situation as they get.

I can’t even wrap my head around that.

Bye, Jenn. I hope you’ve finally found the peace you’ve needed.

He is *so* bringing sexy back.

he’s sexy and he knows it

Should Christians Celebrate Halloween?

This is why you should do your research, kids.

I have to save this, because OH. MY. FUCKING. DOG. DID. THAT. MAKE. ME. LAUGH.

I save fan fic that makes me cry, so why not save the stuff that makes me laugh? Right?

I’m not a religious person by any means, but when I’m forced to choose one, I always lean towards “pagan”. (I was a practicing Wiccan for a while, but got bored and created my own quasi-religion. I guess. If you can call it a religion.)

I can’t get behind any of the others. I’ve learned about the other major players, but none of them make sense to me. None of them ring true.

But this level of religious propaganda really takes the cake. This is better than any gay-bashing, atheist-hating crap I’ve read in a long time:

During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.

I’d like to write more on this topic, but, um, I’m going to start buying candy and cursing it.

Since I’m a witch and all. Or am I a demon?

I’m never sure.