What is it with me and guys named Rick?!

click to embiggen!

I’m still using web words from like a thousand years ago, aren’t I? *sigh*

——

I’ve been in phases where all I’ve dated were Mikes. Where too many of my friends were Jims. And now I’m onto Ricks.

Silent P is awesome and he’s really the only reason I’m sad about quitting the Muchachos… I miss him. A lot. Too much. Time to do that reach out thing (that we all know I do so well).

R2D2 (? I dunno. Trying it out.) is also awesome in that he’s pushing me past my comfort zone.

I don’t know why the universe has me ‘collecting’ Ricks now, but I sure am thankful!

I know that this is vitriol, no solution, spleen venting…

oh, whovians, you are full of awesome

Today has been full of highs and lows.

I scheduled two interviews today, so that makes three this week. (WOOOO!)

At the same time, I’m getting a lot of feedback that employers are worried about my commute. (BOOOOOOO!)

I’ve been applying for jobs almost exclusively in Massawhozits lately. There’s not much in NH that will pay me what I need to make, and honestly, all the cool jobs are down south. Most of them are within an hour’s drive from here.

I’m not going to lie about being concerned about the commute. It’s a HUGE concern, but it’s something I’ve got to come to terms with if I’m going to get a job there.

 

<.begin temper tantrum>

It’s frustrating the hell out of me because it’s not their choice… Don’t they think I’ve agonized over EVERY. SINGLE. Boston area job I’ve applied for? Is Cambridge too far? Billerica? Peabody? Quincy? Watertown? Waltham? How am I going to get there from here?

If you don’t believe how much I’ve thought about this commute, just look at my Mapquest history… EVERY. SINGLE. CITY. from here to (almost) the South Shore has either been Mapquested or I’ve planned the trip on the MTBA’s website before I even send out my resume. Let me say that again… BEFORE I EVEN SEND OUT MY RESUME.

I’d freaking kill for the political group job, and I know I’ve talked about the commute. I know I’m worried about the commute right now. I’m wondering if it’s worth it. I know, I know, I know… if I’m not sure I want to take the chance, why should they?

But let that be MY choice.

I’d rather they come out and tell me that I’m too expensive - I mean, there’s a reason they’re asking that first, right? - then to tell me after phone screens, interviews, web surveys, and whatever fresh forms of hell are out there for the job seeker, that they don’t like the commute.

It’s not like the fact I live an hour north is a secret. It’s literally the third line on my resume. If it’s going to be a problem, they’ll know right away. It’s not fair to waste my time on all this stuff if they’re going to write me off because of my zip code.

It pisses me off a metric shit ton because they decide it AFTER they talk to me, after they get my hopes up…

and it’s not fucking fair.

<./end temper tantrum>

In other news, there’s always that new friend who says something - without even meaning to - that gives you moments of Teh Happy when you need it.

AWESOME NEW FRIEND: I was teaching a class at the local Community College on Creative Writing. You wouldn’t believe how bad they were, so I’m sorry if I have a pre-disposed notion of how people write.

ME: I guarantee if you dig into my blog, you’ll be disappointed.

Generally I’m a pretty decent writer. I took a few writing courses and always did very well in them.

ANF: I can see why. Your structure is excellent and so is your grammar.

(I’m pretty sure he still hasn’t stopped by here, even though he knows where to find me… He’d take that back in a heartbeat. *grin*)

I need to find me some more laughing/giggling/smileybatch…

 

Cardiff? I know where that is!

ah, laughingbatch…

Have a job interview on Thursday with a large international company… like they have several offices in the UK. Including one in Cardiff. Amazingly, I’ve heard of Cardiff. (My knowledge may or may not be based on the fact that that’s where Doctor Who, Torchwood, and Sherlock are filmed.)

I’m in a pissy mood today and I don’t know why.

I started my day with a bowl of ice cream (normally a surefire cure although maybe not the best choice for breakfast…), and it did nothing. That’s not a good sign.

While I was playing ‘how many times can I hit the snooze button and still wake up on time’, I heard three of my favorite songs. I even stayed awake long enough to sing all of “(Don’t Go Back To) Rockville” before hitting the snooze button. It’s been a long time since I’ve been happy to hear R.E.M. on the radio. So that can’t be it. I’m watching a movie that has David Tennant in it, WITH his Scottish accent. So that can’t be it either.

I think I’m just tired of being unemployed and stuck home all day. It’s finally broken me. I don’t even want to look for jobs today…

So. Laughingbatch it is, because he always makes me smile.

My life - tumblr style

yep.

“The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.”

I see this quote all over the place lately - normally paired with Doctor Who graphics, because, honestly, it seems to fit the Doctor the best. (Especially Ten for some reason. Oh, wait. I know the reason and it’s called DOOMSDAY. Damn you, RTD! You’re almost as bad as Moffat.)

It reminds me of all the outreach I tend to do on tumblr. All the kids who talk about cutting, suicide, depression… Yeah, my time on tumblr is not ALL about reblobbing pictures of hot English boys. I am a growed up sometimes. (I know! ME! A growed up.)

Some days, I feel like I missed my true calling. I know I’m making a difference to some of these kids and I wonder if I’d be better served getting paid to help others learn from my shitty experiences. Then again, I’m a little too damaged to be of much use most of the time.

I spend way too much time trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. And that’s even without being unemployed. Understandably, being unemployed cranks it to twelve.

Why else would I have two college degrees?

I’ve been spending today wondering what day my interview with the CPA firm will be. All I know right now is that it’s at some point this week. Wondering if it’s really the path I want to go back down.

Let’s be honest, shall we?

—CRAZY ALERT—I really, really, really, REALLY enjoyed tax season. It made me feel, I don’t know, kind of alive? It pushed me to my limits, education-wise.—END CRAZY ALERT—

I even liked working on clients’ books and closing the months.

I didn’t like the management. I didn’t like the summer.

Will it be different this time?

I don’t know.

And it’s the not knowing that scares the shit out of me.

I don’t want to take the first job offered to me, even though I need to get back to work. Like NEED to… but I’m afraid of passing up a good job for one that’s still only a possibility. I’m nervous about the CPA job because it’s through a recruiter and those employers normally are quicker to hire.

Of course, there’s still the issue that the one position I think I could love has a lot going against it. 

Screw it.

I’m going back to school to become a therapist.

The writing bug

sometimes, the jokes write themselves

If he’s not the most adorkable thing you’ve ever seen, then I don’t know if we can be friends.

——

I reread my Johnlock fan fic this morning, and I still really like it. That’s a first. Normally, after a NaNo, I’ll try to pick the story up so I can end it. I cringe at every single word in those 50K monsters. Every. Single. Word. Sometimes, I like the general idea of the story and I’ll try to rewrite it, but… Anne Lamont says you’re supposed to write a shitty first draft. That that’s completely fine. But what happens if you write something WORSE than a shitty first draft?

I am the Queen of the Worst-Than-Shitty-First-Draft.

Which is exactly why nothing I write for fun ever gets finished.

Which is exactly why I like the idea of writing for a living, but know it will never happen.

I’m OK with that. There were a lot of things I wanted to be when I grew up: a veterinarian, an Olympic gymnast, a fire man, a boy, a writer, normal.

I think it’s safe to say that I’m none of that.

Except I guess I’m technically a writer - writers write and I definitely write. Here, there, everywhere. The journals I’ve kept my entire life. My blogs. Stories. But not for profit, and I’ve always considered a writer someone who gets paid. So yeah, not a writer.

Anyhoo.

Now that I’ve actually written something I like, I want to write more.

Specifically fan fic.

It’s easier to play in someone else’s sandbox than to have to build your own. Everything you need is there: a world, characters, situations. You just need to know your characters inside and out. (Hence, the thousands of viewings of Sherlock during my leisure hours. It’s a good thing I really like the show. *grin*)

I suppose now the issue is whether or not I want to continue writing Johnlock or if I want to move on to something else.

If that’s the toughest choice I have to make right now, today, I guess that’s a good thing.

If not a little pathetic.