Aaaaaaand, drink!

i believe my exact words were ‘i am not nearly drunk enough for this shit’

Let’s get the good stuff out of the way: my idiots won the elections. So. Woo. And stuff.

UCONN FUCKING SHUT OUT BC THE OTHER NIGHT. UCONN.

I danced my little ass off all day… I sang the fight song, I giggled, and I skipped. All at work.

BU plays BC tonight (*cough* overrated *cough*) and tomorrow, I’m headed into Boston early to watch the UConn football game before heading to Agganis to watch UConn beat BU.

——

My co-worker decided to give his notice yesterday. It didn’t have anything to do with the new boss - just more along the fact that he’s had three bosses in a year and he doesn’t want to follow the GS career path. He’s not interested in moving around the country and chasing promotions. I don’t give two fucks where I live anymore… to a point. If I need to move to get a promotion, and I like the area, sign me up.

I’m not sure how to continue on with the whole moving to the UK thing, so I’m just going to let it rest. I can’t get answers from immigration attorneys, and I’m happy with my current job, so we’ll just have to see how it plays out. If only I was interested in grad school… unfortunately, I’m schooled out for now.

*sigh*

OK… game time.

FUCK ‘EM UP! FUCK ‘EM UP! BC SUCKS!

I can’t wait for Tuesday

truth

So. Tuesday is Election Day in the U.S…

It’s a chance to remove the current idiots in charge and replace them with a new set of idiots. (Or keep the current set, depending on which side wins.)

I have a set of things that I want our

idiots

politicians to care about, which normally aligns me with the Democrats. I’d vote for a Republican if I had to, but they don’t seem to care about the people as much as they say they do.

Currently, every Republican I know has way more money than I do and votes with their wallet.

I vote with my heart… it’s the right thing to do.

This year we have an idiot who couldn’t win in MA a few years ago. He jumped borders because he thinks NH voters may like him better than their neighbours.

I think that’s just bullshit. If he stood for the three things I care about most, I still wouldn’t vote for him. He hasn’t lived here long enough to truly represent my best interests. How does he know what NH needs? HE DIDN’T FUCKING LIVE HERE UNTIL HE LOST THE LAST ELECTION.

Ugh.

The other thing that’s got my knickers in a twist is the amount of calls and mailers we get.

I know who I’m voting for and all the annoying phone calls and shit in my mailbox aren’t going to change my mind.

I really fucking hate Election Day. The only redeeming quality it has is that once it’s over, I get another three years and eight months or so of peace and quiet.

So. That’s that, then.

cumbersmile!

Hmmmm… I guess I can talk about it. It’s not like it’s not public knowledge.

The work drama has come to an end.

My boss was let go this morning.

I suppose, I can feel relief that my comments to the GM/AGM were not the final nail(s) in the coffin. They’d already started looking for his replacement long before I got the nerve to say something.

A lot of people asked me how I was going to celebrate. A few people congratulated me on my promotion, which was pretty fucked up.

As much as I wish I was getting promoted, I’m happy that we’re getting in a new person who might be better suited for our needs and will take the time to groom me. I’m not ready to be the DoF in our current situation. I mean, I’ve only been there since January and I’ve never had much in the way of ‘real’ training. In fact, towards the end, I was reduced to a mere data-entry clerk.

I owe BK a huge hug and kiss… if he hadn’t let me talk / vent, I’d have been miserable for much longer. As it was, he sent me an email today after the bomb was dropped and asked me how I was doing. He’s good people. I’m glad I get to work with him.

I’ll have you know it feels soooooo good

my childhood copy of winnie-the-pooh vs the ukrainian e-book version

This sounds REALLY weird, but I’ve enjoyed reading the Ukrainian version of Winnie-the-Pooh on my iPhone’s Kindle app. (Well, it’s not really reading. Yet.) I’ve been highlighting words I know and adding the definitions just in case I flake out. The more words that get highlighted, the better I feel. The better I feel, the more motivated I feel. Eventually, I’ll be able to string the words together and make sense of them.

The italki October challenge is going well, also. Amazingly enough, the combination of the italki lessons and Winnie-the-Pooh led me to have a great breakthrough this weekend: I’m learning garbage. Who needs to be able to count to twenty when you really need to know how to say basic verbs and nouns?  I couldn’t write a sentence right now with what I (feel I) know. I can spell nineteen like a champ, though. (дев’ятнадцять) What the fuck do I need the word nineteen for? How many times do I use the word nineteen? (Three so far, but this is different. Well, four if you count the Ukrainian version.)

What I need to know are the verbs to know / to write / to speak / to work / to sleep.

What I need are adjectives like depressed / tired / happy / sad / cold.

What I need are nouns like dog / work / husband / music / friends

What I really need (REALLY) is the word fuck in all it’s wonderful and varied forms.

Those four lists are pretty much the basis of everything I write here, so those are the words I need to focus on.

And that’s what I’m going to do.

Fuck rote memorisation of words I don’t need right now like nineteen (five times).

This isn’t a new discovery. All the language bloggers who promise quick fluency in a language, they all tend to agree on one thing… Speak first, learn the details later.

It’s a weird idea and not nearly as easy as it sounds, but it forces you to learn the language. Yeah, you might sound like an idiot (tarzan-speak: I to read book vs I read a book, for example: Я читати книжка instead of the correct Я читав книгу.), but - theoretically - you’ll learn the grammar as you go along. Naturally. Without needing to memorise conjugation tables.

Well, I’m not keen on speaking (shy/introvert/social anxiety), but I am keen on writing. And so, I’m going to start trying to write. Even if it’s just two sentences about my day. It will force me to learn the proper noun cases and verb conjugations and it seems to be just as interactive as memrise. I’ve been learning the hard way that I just can’t do flashcards. They’re boring. I need to be involved. I need an external force to tell me if I’m right or wrong. Guessing an answer on a flashcard isn’t interactive enough…

So. Yeah. I will write more. I write a lot (Я пишу багато) any way - so why not try to do it in Ukrainian? 

——

Speaking of feeling better: had a long talk with a few co-workers about the situation at work.

Needless to say, I felt MUCH better. I’m glad that people are noticing things and acting on them.

Because of this new intel, I talked at length with my Drug Dealer about the meds and the mix. It was decided that I would continue supplementing my current meds with the anti-anxiety meds. Well, I guess I really do just need to take the edge off. Temporarily. Once the situation settles down, I should be stable again.

At least, that’s the hope.

Feelin’ groovy

suzy-q, july 12, 2014

It’s amazing how good I feel since my discussion with BK on Friday. (Possibly related, I’ve had a BAD craving for Burger King’s onion rings since Friday. And their chicken fries which aren’t available here! And also missing from their website… Were they blink-and-you’ll-miss-them?)

——

Since hope has been restored, I actually started feeling motivated to pick up my Ukrainian books. The italki October challenge has helped, too, but it’s amazing what can happen when everything is good.

I have to see my drug dealer next weekend and I’m thinking about asking her to adjust my meds. My moods have been out of control recently due to the work stress and I don’t know how much longer I can keep them in check. Not that I’ve been doing a very good job as of right now any way.

I’m also wondering if my pattern of letting work get to me and triggering major depressions is a sign that I need to quit and go on disability. That scares me, though. I was just as bad when I was unemployed and didn’t have anything better to do than write fan fic and play on tumblr.

Maybe I’m just really broken. And unrepairable.

So… meds. Last resort, maybe, but who knows. I’ve been on the same cocktail for years now. My last cocktail failed miserably after a few years and I’ve been on this mix much longer.

——

I wrote a really long, really cathartic entry on my Ukrainian blog, to circle back to the having hope thing. I’ve got plans for that blog in terms of writing in English and Ukrainian and I’m pretty excited. I’m sticking with the old design for now while I figure out if I want to continue to invest the time in the new design. It feels like a stalling tactic. And it probably is.

Also, fucking auto correct keeps insisting that my grandparents’ village was in Turnip, not Ternopil. *sigh*

Absolutely ridiculous.

——

It’s time for my Speaking Bootcamp webinar. Today is about more tricks to retain vocabulary. WOOOOOOOOO!

No. Seriously. I am that excited about it. There just aren’t enough fun learning websites for Ukrainian. Maybe I should go back and do French. Or learn Russian. (HA! NEVER! I shouldn’t even joke about that.)