Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose

tower bridge on a rainy london night, 2008

I missed a good part of a 7-3 drubbing of the Wisconsin Badgers last night because I was too deep in my head to notice what was going on.

(Wow. Drubbing’s a weird word choice. Where did that come from?)

Anyhoo… three is a magic number, and right now I have three options:
1) Get a Tier 2 visa (employment sponsorship)
2) Become a German citizen
3) Go to grad school and get an MBA

I think German citizenship is the easiest since I can prove a “right” to citizenship through my mother. Grad school may be the second easiest, and of course, finding a damn job might just be downright impossible. Not that I’m going to stop looking for work, but I do worry that the fact that I don’t have a work visa / sponsorship yet is hurting me. I’m just going to stay positive and throw my CV at every position I fit the requirements for no matter where it is in the UK.

To quote Wayne Gretzky, “You miss 100% of the shots you never take.”

To quote myself, “This the year of flinging stuff and seeing what sticks.”

——

I discovered last night that I REALLY miss my versions Douglas and Martin. That’s probably why I couldn’t stop the trilogy at three episodes and kept pushing it out to four and almost five. I still can’t decide what I’m going to do for NaNo. There’s definitely the (getting more attractive) option of doing a 30 day OTP Challenge with those two. I could probably knock out 30 days of 2,000 word vignettes… they wouldn’t have to be related, so that’s nice. I wouldn’t use the leftover bits from the trilogy, but I do like some of the ideas I introduced and maybe I can expand on them or make them better.

Now I see why AtlinMerrick writes so many stories focused on her versions of Sherlock and John.

——

Speaking of Sherlock and John:

I’ve spent the past two days charting out/researching the Zodiac and trying to figure out how to move his copycat to London.

You know it’s bad when you spend an hour looking at a map of the city and wondering which lake or pond could best replicate Lake Berryessa. (I think I’m ultimately going to cheat and use the Thames or even the Tower Bridge tube station since that has always struck me as a good place to leave a body.)

You know it’s a bit not good when you start asking, out loud, which college is the best one to dump a body at.

You know it’s probably as bad as it’s going to get when you entertain the possibility of asking British friends where the best make out/parking points were when they were growing up. Even if they’re not in London proper.

The Zodiac bounced around three police jurisdictions which meant it was harder to find him. (I don’t know about law enforcement in England, but it’s well documented that our cops don’t like to work together. In their defence, half the time they didn’t know that an unsolved murder in their jurisdiction may match one in another unless they saw it in the news or something. Now, of course, technology has made it easier for them to all play nice through national fingerprint databases and all that shit…)

I’m pretty sure I’m going to break from the real Zodiac’s path towards the end of the case, too. John always seems to get kidnapped because he’s Sherlock’s weak point, and since there’s a lot of (circumstantial) evidence pointing at a (now dead) man, it seems right that Sherlock solves the unsolvable and delivers a living suspect to the Met.

Besides, if I’m going to fictionalize it, I might as well use the term “based on a true story” and take it from there.

There’s DEFINITELY 50K words there and I’m positive that I can get it done in the 30 days. Maybe sooner if I can get all the research and outline done before November 1st.

*sigh*

——

I have a meeting with a recruiter on Wednesday and then there’s one I used to work with that has a position that I might be a good fit for. I’m resending my resume to him and telling him that he needs to submit it…

——

Monday’s a new day and I’m starting to feel human again. I’m even going to fit in a much needed haircut and get my Cumberbatch on this week.

It’s going to be a good week… I can feel it.

Boobs!

women are definitely NOT his area

Four emails sent to immigration solicitors… zero responses.

New recruiter added to my collection… zero positions.

Have I mentioned that I’m miserable lately?

——

I decided to work on a pair of socks for my personal trainer as a Christmas gift. She’s been hinting like mad, so why not? It won’t take me that long. (She’s got little feet.)

——

“This week: HARTFORD!” goes live on AO3 this weekend if it kills me. I wanted to get all three parts done before uploading any of it, but Zurich is getting a pretty extensive rewrite to the ending and I’m stuck.

Signed up for NaNo this year. I seem to have a pattern of every four years, and then two in a row (‘03, ‘04, ‘08, ‘09) so ‘13 and ‘14 are on deck. I think I’m NOT going to work on my Johnlock casefic, but I’m not sure. I may do a 30 Day OTP Challenge for Johnlock. Maybe Marlas. Maybe Skipthur. I can’t decide which fandom/OTP yet.

Eh. At least it will give me something to do if I’m still unemployed…

——

Used a VPN yesterday to access the BBC iPlayer so I could watch “The Graham Norton Show” with Benedict Cumberbatch and Harrison Ford. (They don’t bleep out the swears! WOOHOO!) I swear, if the BBC America version gets even a second edited out, I will cut a bitch.

I forgot to log out of the VPN when I went to file my unemployment claim, so I was getting an error message. Turns out that you must have a US-based IP address to file a claim online.

I explained to the guy what I was doing with the UK VPN and he laughed. Then, of course, he was legally required to ask me if I was working for a UK company and using a VPN to access the employer’s network.

I told him - point blank - that if I was working for a UK company, I would NOT be working virtually. I would be over there. I also wouldn’t be wasting my time looking for a job and filing unemployment claims. He laughed again.

I guess my general stabbiness regarding the location of my residence and the success of my job search was fucking hilarious.

Jackass.

——

I’m watching “The People’s Court” and there’s some people on here from Lynn, MA. They’re talking about locations in Beverly that I know well. It’s weird.

——

No more stalling - I’m off to Zurich.

whee.

The Dark Place beckons

oh, jawn, don’t be so obvious

Why most of the fandom thinks Johnlock is canon…

From “A Study In Pink”, the pilot episode:

Dr John Watson: You don’t have a girlfriend then?
Sherlock Holmes: Girlfriend? No, not really my area.
Dr John Watson: Alright… Do you have a boyfriend? Which is fine, by the way.
Sherlock Holmes: I know it’s fine.
Dr John Watson: So you got a boyfriend?
Sherlock Holmes: No. NOTE: he does NOT say men are not his area. He just says ‘no’.
Dr John Watson: Right. Okay. You’re unattached. Like me. Fine. Good.
Sherlock Holmes: John, erm… I think you should know that I consider myself married to my work, and while I’m flattered by your interest, I’m really not looking for any…
Dr John Watson: No. I’m… not asking. No. I’m just saying, it’s all fine.
Sherlock Holmes: Good. Thank you.

The first time I saw this episode I didn’t think much of this scene - John declares he’s not gay / not Sherlock’s boyfriend when Angelo insists on bringing a candle for the table. I read it as it’s probably meant to be read: “Please, Dog, don’t tell me that besides the violin and not talking for days, you are also going to be a terrible flatmate because you engage in freaky loud sex and have your lover(s) over at all hours of the day.”

Then, I watched the next two episodes in Series One. 

And then, I watched all three episodes of Series Two.

And then, I watched all six several times more.

After that, I put on my Johnlock goggles and I haven’t looked back.

——

Four CVs sent to the UK today. Two resumes to the US.

It’s now my FOURTH try with this one US-based (global) company. I apply for positions that might be a stretch. I apply for positions I’m overqualified for. I apply for positions that are the right fit.

I am definitely qualified for SOMETHING In their finance department…

But, all I get are the “leave us alone” emails.

I’m thinking my next cover letter will promise sexual favours for a fucking interview.

What else have I got to lose?

In a very frank conversation with a recruiter that does larger company staffing (with international companies!), I told him point blank that I would do ANYTHING for a Tier 2 visa. ANYTHING. Scrub toilets. Babysit. Furry animals.

OK. Maybe I’m little desperate if I’d bring up certain… questionable… tasks. 

Seriously, though, I’d definitely do an animal before I babysat. *grin*

——

I’m lost… so lost.

I just want a job.

I’ll stay in the US if I have to. I really don’t mind. It just changes the game plan a little… we would need to figure out a way to use the full six months granted on a visitor’s visa instead of living there a full year.

I just need a reason to get out of bed and put on clothes. Interact with the world. Do my laundry. Grab groceries.

It’s getting harder every day, and I don’t know how to fix it.

It doesn’t help that I’m irrationally angry at one of my friends for all his good fortune.

Not that he doesn’t deserve this chance at a new, good, life… he’s worked hard for it and paid his dues.

But motherfuck does it piss me off that a convicted felon can get a job (twice), gets his college paid for, and married a woman who doesn’t need his income to survive.

I have two fucking degrees. I’m wicked smart. I’m willing to work for peanuts compared to others with my skills because I got my accounting degree so late.

Why can’t I find a job and NOT get let go?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

*sigh*

Hope is a cruel mistress

window detail, royal courts of justice, london

For what it’s worth, I emailed an immigration law firm today as was recommended to me…

I saw an ad for a position I already applied for (and would probably take if it were offered) and they had changed it slightly. They included a salary range which put me out of the running. They’d have to pay me the high end and I just don’t see that happening.

Struggled to find jobs I could apply for in the US again today. Ended up just flinging my resume out there for positions I didn’t want or am definitely not qualified for just so I could meet the state’s ridiculous standards.

Tomorrow’s another day, and I’ll probably attempt UK jobs in addition to American, but for now, I’m burnt out and over the whole being unemployed thing.

I got up and put on

pants

TROUSERS today (I always wear pants. *sigh*)... so no matter what, that’s a win.

Speaking of the difference between trousers and pants, I have beaten the Cabin Pressure trilogy into submission. We are back to having a proper trilogy again. For now.

OK. that really didn’t have anything to do with my Cabin Pressure fanfic (I had to gloat), but more to do with a Johnlock PWP I just read.

Written by an American.

Obviously.

Dog bless her - she really tried to brit-pick her own work, but she had John removing two pairs of pants. (From the context, she meant his trousers and, well, his pants.) Before I realized that she didn’t catch it, I was wondering what the fuck would cause John to put on two pairs of underwear and no trousers.

Like, seriously, what kind of experiment would Sherlock be working on that would require John to wear two pairs of pants?

Never mind… this was Johnlock PWP. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.

Beverly! Beverly! BEVERLY!

he’s touching me, jawn. save me, jawn

Just watched - for the 8 billionth time - the unaired Sherlock BBC pilot. There’s so much more I love about it than the one that actually aired, even though it’s a half hour shorter than the aired one.

They joke on tumblr that after seeing the original version, the decision was made to make it “less gay”.

Personally, I think when they made it an hour and a half long, they put in more opportunities for the intense eye sex between the two men.

But that’s just me.

——

I’m having a pretty good run - two recruiters and three companies have / will interview me by the end of tomorrow. I passed up an interview, too.

It hurt to pass up that interview… it was for a state college with a good business program and one of the perks was free tuition.

Unfortunately, the amount of the pay cut I had to endure didn’t make the tuition savings a decent trade off.

Besides… I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m done fucking around. I was supposed to go to Boston University. I STILL want to go to BU.

If I’m going to invest all that time and energy getting an MBA, that piece of paper is going to say Boston University on it, or what’s the point?

——

Jenn’s funeral is Thursday, but I’m going to CT on Friday, and possibly Sunday. Maybe I’ll swing by the cemetery and pay my respects on my own.

Logan’s sweater is DONE. DONE. DONE. DONE. Next on deck: socks for Heather and a project (to be determined) for Clumpy. Plus, you know, finish all those WIPs that have been hanging out forever.

Black Mountain Symphony show on Friday - Manchester, CT to Manchester, VT… that takes me through NH, MA, CT, VT. Four states in a day. That sounds about right. *grin*

My Cabin Pressure trilogy was an honest to goodness trilogy, and then, it went kablooey. We’re back up to four parts. And that’s AFTER I took out every thing that didn’t need to be there. I guess I just need to accept the fact that this is the way the story is going to be told, and fuck all my rewrites.

——

By the way, still alive. Still doing fine.

As if there were any doubt I’d come out the other side.