Frustrated

how you delete basic facts about the solar system?

Two immigration solicitors out of the four I emailed responded. The news is not good.

One will charge us £200 ($325) for an initial consultation, with that being used as a “deposit” toward their fee if we engage their services. No idea what is included in the consultation, but I will send an email to ask. (I mean, I pretty much knew the answer before I emailed them, so what is there for them to consult me on?)

The other will charge us £750 ($1,215), payment due in full. This one basically told me I was S-O-L as dad would say, or shit out of luck if you don’t speak Charlie. I need to have exceptional talent, a relationship connection with UK/European nationals, or UK ancestry if I had a UK grandparent. I called N my “brother” once to use it as an excuse to get out of work for his wedding, but I don’t think being friends for 15-ish years creates a familial bond no matter how good a friend he is. My grandparents are American, Ukrainian and Polish, so again, I’m screwed.

I’m just going to keep applying to jobs in the UK. I probably don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell, but you never know.

*sigh*

(The only good thing out of all this? I can finally make Polish jokes and not feel bad! WOOO! This is a VERY good thing because our neighbours are partial to holding Polish yard sales.)

——

The first chapter of Hartford is live on AO3. Six kudos so far! I’ve been debating putting it on FFN because their RSS feeds for searches are still broken, but I think I might do that today.

I had a bad night last night - I was so antsy and restless and I couldn’t figure out why. Finally realised that it was because I didn’t need to obsess over the entire trilogy any more. Hartford is locked down and updates are scheduled, Paris is good, and the rewrite of Zurich’s ending surprised me with its awesomeness.

Now what?

I can’t start working on my NaNo outside of research and planning, so I think I’m going to go with the Case!Lock I’ve already started because researching it will keep me busy for the next few weeks. I reread the beginning and I think I’m going to delete it and start fresh. Besides, the idea is to start with nothing and go from there. (I may keep the Mystrade line, but I’m definitely not in love with the rest of it anymore. It starts too abruptly and I learned my lesson with Cabin Pressure - I cannot start in the middle and try to write around it. It doesn’t work for me.)

——

Working on the Christmas present for my trainer has been fun. The socks are knitting up fast because I’m not doing any sort of pattern. The yarn is self-striping and the stripes aren’t very thick, so I think I made the right choice to just let the yarn speak for itself.

I ended up getting a splinter because I’m working on bamboo knitting needles and my finger bled because I really had to dig it out. I’m not sure how I’m going to knit with a big hole in my push-the-needle-through-the-yarn-finger, but I’m going to have to think of something.

——

Figured out a way around my Netflix dilemma: look for movies online and then search for them on the TiVo. I found two acceptably crappy ones to watch yesterday, so life is back to being tolerable.

For now.

——

Guinness is back at the vet. We think he sprained his wrist. This is now the second time he’s injured his left front leg from playing too rough.

I swear, he’s going to put us in the looney bin… or the poorhouse.

Boobs!

women are definitely NOT his area

Four emails sent to immigration solicitors… zero responses.

New recruiter added to my collection… zero positions.

Have I mentioned that I’m miserable lately?

——

I decided to work on a pair of socks for my personal trainer as a Christmas gift. She’s been hinting like mad, so why not? It won’t take me that long. (She’s got little feet.)

——

“This week: HARTFORD!” goes live on AO3 this weekend if it kills me. I wanted to get all three parts done before uploading any of it, but Zurich is getting a pretty extensive rewrite to the ending and I’m stuck.

Signed up for NaNo this year. I seem to have a pattern of every four years, and then two in a row (‘03, ‘04, ‘08, ‘09) so ‘13 and ‘14 are on deck. I think I’m NOT going to work on my Johnlock casefic, but I’m not sure. I may do a 30 Day OTP Challenge for Johnlock. Maybe Marlas. Maybe Skipthur. I can’t decide which fandom/OTP yet.

Eh. At least it will give me something to do if I’m still unemployed…

——

Used a VPN yesterday to access the BBC iPlayer so I could watch “The Graham Norton Show” with Benedict Cumberbatch and Harrison Ford. (They don’t bleep out the swears! WOOHOO!) I swear, if the BBC America version gets even a second edited out, I will cut a bitch.

I forgot to log out of the VPN when I went to file my unemployment claim, so I was getting an error message. Turns out that you must have a US-based IP address to file a claim online.

I explained to the guy what I was doing with the UK VPN and he laughed. Then, of course, he was legally required to ask me if I was working for a UK company and using a VPN to access the employer’s network.

I told him - point blank - that if I was working for a UK company, I would NOT be working virtually. I would be over there. I also wouldn’t be wasting my time looking for a job and filing unemployment claims. He laughed again.

I guess my general stabbiness regarding the location of my residence and the success of my job search was fucking hilarious.

Jackass.

——

I’m watching “The People’s Court” and there’s some people on here from Lynn, MA. They’re talking about locations in Beverly that I know well. It’s weird.

——

No more stalling - I’m off to Zurich.

whee.

The Dark Place beckons

oh, jawn, don’t be so obvious

Why most of the fandom thinks Johnlock is canon…

From “A Study In Pink”, the pilot episode:

Dr John Watson: You don’t have a girlfriend then?
Sherlock Holmes: Girlfriend? No, not really my area.
Dr John Watson: Alright… Do you have a boyfriend? Which is fine, by the way.
Sherlock Holmes: I know it’s fine.
Dr John Watson: So you got a boyfriend?
Sherlock Holmes: No. NOTE: he does NOT say men are not his area. He just says ‘no’.
Dr John Watson: Right. Okay. You’re unattached. Like me. Fine. Good.
Sherlock Holmes: John, erm… I think you should know that I consider myself married to my work, and while I’m flattered by your interest, I’m really not looking for any…
Dr John Watson: No. I’m… not asking. No. I’m just saying, it’s all fine.
Sherlock Holmes: Good. Thank you.

The first time I saw this episode I didn’t think much of this scene - John declares he’s not gay / not Sherlock’s boyfriend when Angelo insists on bringing a candle for the table. I read it as it’s probably meant to be read: “Please, Dog, don’t tell me that besides the violin and not talking for days, you are also going to be a terrible flatmate because you engage in freaky loud sex and have your lover(s) over at all hours of the day.”

Then, I watched the next two episodes in Series One. 

And then, I watched all three episodes of Series Two.

And then, I watched all six several times more.

After that, I put on my Johnlock goggles and I haven’t looked back.

——

Four CVs sent to the UK today. Two resumes to the US.

It’s now my FOURTH try with this one US-based (global) company. I apply for positions that might be a stretch. I apply for positions I’m overqualified for. I apply for positions that are the right fit.

I am definitely qualified for SOMETHING In their finance department…

But, all I get are the “leave us alone” emails.

I’m thinking my next cover letter will promise sexual favours for a fucking interview.

What else have I got to lose?

In a very frank conversation with a recruiter that does larger company staffing (with international companies!), I told him point blank that I would do ANYTHING for a Tier 2 visa. ANYTHING. Scrub toilets. Babysit. Furry animals.

OK. Maybe I’m little desperate if I’d bring up certain… questionable… tasks. 

Seriously, though, I’d definitely do an animal before I babysat. *grin*

——

I’m lost… so lost.

I just want a job.

I’ll stay in the US if I have to. I really don’t mind. It just changes the game plan a little… we would need to figure out a way to use the full six months granted on a visitor’s visa instead of living there a full year.

I just need a reason to get out of bed and put on clothes. Interact with the world. Do my laundry. Grab groceries.

It’s getting harder every day, and I don’t know how to fix it.

It doesn’t help that I’m irrationally angry at one of my friends for all his good fortune.

Not that he doesn’t deserve this chance at a new, good, life… he’s worked hard for it and paid his dues.

But motherfuck does it piss me off that a convicted felon can get a job (twice), gets his college paid for, and married a woman who doesn’t need his income to survive.

I have two fucking degrees. I’m wicked smart. I’m willing to work for peanuts compared to others with my skills because I got my accounting degree so late.

Why can’t I find a job and NOT get let go?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

*sigh*

Hope is a cruel mistress

window detail, royal courts of justice, london

For what it’s worth, I emailed an immigration law firm today as was recommended to me…

I saw an ad for a position I already applied for (and would probably take if it were offered) and they had changed it slightly. They included a salary range which put me out of the running. They’d have to pay me the high end and I just don’t see that happening.

Struggled to find jobs I could apply for in the US again today. Ended up just flinging my resume out there for positions I didn’t want or am definitely not qualified for just so I could meet the state’s ridiculous standards.

Tomorrow’s another day, and I’ll probably attempt UK jobs in addition to American, but for now, I’m burnt out and over the whole being unemployed thing.

I got up and put on

pants

TROUSERS today (I always wear pants. *sigh*)... so no matter what, that’s a win.

Speaking of the difference between trousers and pants, I have beaten the Cabin Pressure trilogy into submission. We are back to having a proper trilogy again. For now.

OK. that really didn’t have anything to do with my Cabin Pressure fanfic (I had to gloat), but more to do with a Johnlock PWP I just read.

Written by an American.

Obviously.

Dog bless her - she really tried to brit-pick her own work, but she had John removing two pairs of pants. (From the context, she meant his trousers and, well, his pants.) Before I realized that she didn’t catch it, I was wondering what the fuck would cause John to put on two pairs of underwear and no trousers.

Like, seriously, what kind of experiment would Sherlock be working on that would require John to wear two pairs of pants?

Never mind… this was Johnlock PWP. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.

Good Friday

in boston, we get signs on the mbta station ceilings that say ‘stay off the ceiling’...

On Friday, I did four states in one day.

Ah, running away from my shitty life never felt so good.

To start the day off on the right foot, I did lunch with a high school friend, only to learn that we are way more alike than I ever would have guessed. There’s very little, personality wise, that we differ on. It was actually quite scary. I’ve honestly never felt like I had anyone who understands me as well as she does. (Of course, instead of wanting to lean on her, it makes me want to stay away… Borderline personality at it’s finest?)

We talked, too, about the high school reunion that we both skipped. She skipped because she can see everyone she wanted to one-on-one. I skipped because I simply hated high school.

In a completely random moment that I’ve been replaying ever since, she said that she knew I hated high school. She said it was obvious.

Mind. Blown.

Then, while we were at lunch, I made the mistake of checking my email. (While she was in the bathroom! I’m not a complete asshole, but being in the middle of a job search I didn’t want to ignore my email.)

I didn’t get the job I really wanted and I was informed that I was no longer eligible for unemployment benefits.

Thankfully, after I dropped her off, I had time to call unemployment and find out what was going on… paperwork mistake on their side.

Too bad I didn’t get as lucky with the job…

After lunch, it was onwards to visit with my favorite little brother and my favorite kid.

The sweater fit L. IT FIT HIM.

Hot damn, I actually got in done in time. He looked adorable in it, too.

We built a rocket ship out of a box and scotch tape. I amazed myself by having a very good time with him. (Remember, I don’t like kids as a general rule… I’ve made a special effort to get over that for J because I know how important family is to him. If I want to continue calling him my little brother, I should act like a big sister… and that means accepting his wife and kid. Especially the kid. I like T - we got off to a rough start, but we’ve started to bond.)

It’s funny - I’ve been rearranging my trips to CT lately so I can spend time with them - and it’s never enough. Some days, I feel like I could move in with them and I still wouldn’t have enough time.

I’ve finally come to the realization that I need my family. (“Family don’t end with blood, boy” - name the show that came from for extra special bonus points!)

Yeah, it’s small, and a little dysfunctional, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Speaking of family, after I left J’s house, I headed to VT to see Black Mountain Symphony.

What a weird night.

It was like I was member #7:
First, they asked me to help with the sound check (walk around and make sure the mix was good) which completely cracked me up. You know I’ve been to too many shows when they can trust me to tell them if the sound is good.

(It reminded me of when Ben flipped out after an instrument show because I pulled a face during one of their songs. He insisted on knowing what went wrong. I think his exact words were something like, “No one knows us as well as you do, so tell me what the fuck happened.” Nothing happened. I didn’t remember making a face. I didn’t remember anything being out of the ordinary. He didn’t believe me…)

Then, Orion asked me to get him a beer… Normally, I’m not the beer bitch, but none of the girlfriends were there, so I guess it did fall to me.  (Taking advantage? Helping out? Six of one, half dozen of the other? I didn’t care - I needed the distraction of flirting with the bartender.)

One of Annie’s friends showed up, so I hung out with her and her girlfriend… The friend (J2) bought me a Coke because I don’t drink, but when she saw me with a beer in my hand, she gave me this LOOK. When I told her it was for Orion, she was OK. It amused me to no end.

These kids are out to corrupt me - between being told that I’d be more fun if I got high and filling my recycle bin with beer cans and booze bottles, it’s obvious they’re a terrible influence on me. *grin*

After the show, this woman climbed Bill like a tree (climbed up on a chair and everything) to give him a hug. It was hilarious. I’ve never seen anything like it.

J2 and I talked for a little bit about how they’ve become my family. After 4 years, they really have. I love them, and I’d do just about anything for any of them. (Except get high. I’m not sure they’d get the anticipated results. Plus, prescription drugs and illegal drugs generally don’t tend to mix well.)

There were a couple of odd moments throughout the entire day that I can’t/won’t blog about… but they certainly made my day. 

Every once in a while, I need those reminders that I’m important to more people than just the Hubby of Wonder.

Every once in a while, I need to be surrounded with people who really know me.

Every once in a while, I need to be surrounded by good music and good friends.

Every once in a while, I get it all in one day…