And so it begins…

my first (ukrainian) dictionary

It’s a lot harder to find Ukrainian language lessons than you’d think.

EVERYONE and their mother will teach you Russian - and there are a large percentage of Ukies who speak Russian - but I think we can all agree that if I’m going to go through all the trouble of learning a new language (WITH A NEW ALPHABET!), I’m learning the right one.

Besides, the Russians - and their language - can go fuck themselves.

I did find a few places where I can learn Ukie, and I’m just waiting on final quotes from both of them.

——

That Friend (you know… THAT one) had finally watched the Harry Potter films a few months ago and he had some of the best comments on it ever.

Like this really tame one: “Smack my bum, Harry. SMACK IT”

SO. I was telling him about my little Drarry fan fic (and of course, he’s not into slash, so he called me a few choice names), and it’s his birthday at the end of the week…

I found the perfect card!

The front has a picture of a typewriter and says: “My novel (if I write one) will be filled with wizards, unicorns, tornadoes, a time machine, talking dragons, a rainbow made out of candy, ninjas, and dancing robots. And of course, you.

<3"

Abso-fucking-lutely brilliant.

——

Saw my drug dealer today. Every visit I have to fill out a self-evaluation form (Am I suicidal? Do I hear voices? Am I eating?) and on their random scoring system, I dropped 16 points. I guess that’s a good thing because she was all like “WOO” and I was all like “What the fuck?”

And on that note - it’s time to go pack for the land of Dirty (dirty, dirty!) Hippies.

My religion: fandom.

i needed a giggle

SO.

That friend, with the divorce, and the suicide watch, and the blunt text I sent?

Still haven’t heard back from them.

Commenced freaking out a couple of days ago.

Sent a “please fucking tell me you’re still breathing” text.

Nothing.

I posted this as my FB status today:
I don’t know how much more I can give without losing everything I’ve worked so hard for… And I’m pissed at myself for giving in and putting myself in that position in the first place.

Some people are just takers, and I should keep my distance. I don’t know why I can’t.

(My american football / hockey boyfriend had the best comment on that:  “I assume you are talking about BU hockey. I know the feeling.” LOVE HIM.)

Not quite a cry for attention, but if you knew what was going on, you knew why it was as vague as it was. It got the attention it needed from the person it needed attention from. So. Yeah.

Turns out my friend was reassigned from one residence to another. Their new place of residence has a mental health facility and is better adept to take care of them.

While I hope it was my too blunt text that caused this, I’m well aware that there is a very high possibility of them doing something stupid and drastic that resulted in their move…

I promised both of us I wouldn’t walk away again.

But Jesus fucking Christ on a motherfucking pogo stick, do they make it impossible to want to keep that promise…

 

*sigh*

he’s one damn fine human being…

In case you can’t read that:
Amberly: I need this retweeted by you to show my family that being gay isn’t always something you choose. They think I’m broken. Please. @Markgatiss

Mark Gatiss: Not a choice @Amberly29519238 - a gift. Be happy and strong. x

(For those not in the know, although I have no idea how you can not know this if you’re a regular reader, Mark Gatiss (pronounced GAY-tiss, BTW) is a co-creator and writer on my beloved Sherlock (BBC). He’s also written for Doctor Who. And… he’s married. To a dude.)

This isn’t the first time he’s done something like this, and I totally adore him because of it.

It almost offsets the Moffat factor. But not by too much, since he still lets Moffat write episodes of Sherlock. *sigh*

——

In a more serious note, my divorcing friend pissed me off the other day.

I’d finally had enough and snapped at them via text.

Told them that they seriously needed to figure out how to rewire themselves. This default position of wanting to give up and/or threatening suicide (it’s really one and the same, isn’t it?), is old, is tired, and is not fair to those of us that love them.

I mean, seriously, I’m starting to feel that it’s a cry for attention. At any rate, it’s fucking obnoxious.

And I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but it felt good to call them out on it.

I mean, me, of all people, saying something like that… to someone I feel is shattered beyond repair.

I’m an arsehole… I know that.

I haven’t heard from them since, and I’m (frighteningly) OK with that.

There has been too much drama, and despite my promises to tolerate it, and not walk away, I just can’t deal with it.

They wonder why they’re getting divorced…

If they could only read the texts they sent me from my point of view - or even their spouse’s - they’d see just what sort of damage they’re capable of inflicting and why we’re not willing to put up with it.

I offered to let them live with us because I felt like I was backed into a corner - suicide or a homeless shelter - and neither one is acceptable.

I shouldn’t have made the offer. Once things calmed down, it hit me hard what an amazingly terrible idea that is.

I can’t handle them from a distance… living with them has the potential to absolutely destroy me.

So now, I’m back where I started from - wanting to run as far as them as I possibly can, and needing to stay and support them as long as they make the right decision, of course.

Can’t stand by and support a dead person, can I?

——

In happier news, my boss absolutely loves me. He said as much yesterday.

I got my business cards. If that’s not a sign of permanence, I don’t know what is.

I got an official invite from the Department of Athletics to go to their monthly finance meeting. The other staff accountant didn’t, and he’s the one who is supposed to be working for them full time. I’m supposed to be working for the other building we manage, which is not affiliated with the University in any way, shape, or form.

It makes me wonder - especially since everything’s been so confused and fucked up because of the mess we were thrown into on day one - what my role actually is is. What I’m being groomed for. I have my ideas, of course, and they thrill me beyond belief.

I tell everyone who asks how much I love this job, and it’s the truth. I could not be happier. The universe certainly made up for fucking me over the past year.

I love it to the point that when BU played my employer last night. I was tempted to cheer for both teams. (I love both sets of boys - the school I was supposed to go to and the one that funds my paychecks.) Hockey East is getting more complicated…UConn, my employer, BU. Our neighbours in 114 are going to end up hating me next season. *grin*

And on that note, it’s time to look for a hack to my never ending external drive issue and get the power button on my MBP fixed.

Woo!!!! I am living it up today! Jealous?

All hail the Cumberdork!

this man is pure perfection, even at his dorkiest

What a crazy week.

It is hard to learn a new job when the person training you doesn’t know what they’re doing.

I don’t mean that in a ‘he’s stupid’ kind of way, but a ‘he walked into a completely fucked up situation that he was unprepared for and has no idea where to even start cleaning up the mess and oh my Dog, what the fuck do I do with this person sitting next to me chomping at the bit to do stuff?’ kind of way.

After three weeks, he’s made some major progress and I feel like I’ve learned enough to start doing stuff on my own. I spent all of Friday at my own desk working on the few things I know how to do. It was crappy data entry - two months of catch up for two different buildings - but it was GLORIOUS. I’ve never been so happy to just sit at a desk and endlessly type random crap like “0020-000-00” and “0037-002-00” a gazillion times.

Unlike the last jackwagon I worked for, he LOVES that I’m taking notes. Good notes. None of that “if you can’t understand this, you’re stupid” kind of shit.

I honestly do not know how I could possibly be any happier. (Outside of having this exact job in the UK, perhaps… but that’s not an option right now.)

——

Found out two good friends broke up last night. It breaks my heart.

——

Also spent the last two days texting with a friend who is getting a divorce. They’re not in a good place, and it’s not an exaggeration to say that I feel like I’m on suicide watch. I’ve been so careful with what I’ve been saying, but it’s exhausting to not let them have it with both barrels. I’m glad that - despite the amount I fell apart during my unemployment - I’m strong enough to be able to be here for them over the past two days. It hasn’t been easy and it kind of ruined my night out with Black Mountain Symphony last night, but that’s what friends do right?

However, it was an emotionally exhausting two days (so far - I’m currently being ignored again), and now I know why I internalise everything and don’t unload on friends.

——

Possibly related, my phone’s internal dictionary has decided to ignore the fact that it’s set to British English and seeing words spelt the American way is annoying. It’s starting to seriously fuck with my head.

I guess that’s a sign that my employer needs to move to England sooner rather than later…

——

I’ve decided to take the little bit of both the Johnlock and Marlas 30 Day OTP Challenges I’ve written and post them on AO3. I hate when people publish unfinished works, but after driving to both Worcester and Chester, VT this weekend, the voices in my head have told me it’s time to polish and post.

I’ve never been able to argue with the creativity-related voices in my head.

The shit I learn in the name of fan fic…

aren’t they cute?

So.

I’ve been continually researching asexuality for my Johnlock fan fics (last night’s episode did absolutely nothing to help us out, btw *sigh*) and I came across this website called “The Thinking Asexual”.

Fascinating stuff.

No. Really.

I subscribe to their updates because the site is really good. Today’s update included the following quote:

I’m thinking of feelings that lead to what you could call “gray area relationships.” Relationships that are essentially a blending of common friendship and traditional romance, that fall in between the two standard categories. Relationships that look a lot like romance but are not sexual, don’t actually have to include any kind of romantic attraction, and are a hell of a lot more important and emotional and intimate than common friendships.

I’ve mentioned my “little brother” Jeff on here several times… and damned if that isn’t the best description of what he and I have.

When we were in college, he and I had that exact sort of relationship: it looked romantic / sexual but had none of that and was definitely more important than a common friendship. Which is exactly why he’ll always be my little brother. We thought about trying out a romantic relationship. Once. It was discarded just as quickly as it was brought up. Distance might have changed the parameters of our relationship, as did the spousal units and children, but he’s always going to be one of the most important people in my life. Even if we never speak again.

THAT’S what I’ve been trying to capture in my Johnlock stuff. (Because, again, I couldn’t write porn if my life depended on it, and I don’t really want to. Not for this relationship at least. It doesn’t feel right to me.)

THAT’S what yesterday’s Sherlock episode was about.

Is Sherlock asexual?

Who knows.

Canonically, we’ll probably never know… people have been guessing about the relationship between Holmes and Watson since ACD first wrote about them. Mofftiss hasn’t done much for us, either.

So, I read stuff like this and I *know* that no matter what comes out (HEE!) in the BBC canon, my Sherlock will always be an ace. His relationship with John is so much my relationship with Jeff that it’s scary.

I just hope that when I write those dynamics between Sherlock and John that I can do my friendship with Jeff justice, because at the end of the day, we write what we know…