Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues strong
It’s always darkest before the dawn
And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I’m always dragging that horse around
And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues strong
But it’s always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah
And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It’s always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It’s a final mess but it’s left me so empty
It’s always darkest before the dawn
Oh woah, oh woah…
And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t
So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope
It’s a shot in the dark and right at my throat
Cause looking for heaven, for the devil in me
Looking for heaven, for the devil in me
Well what the hell I’m gonna let it happen to me
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
I just wish I could figure out what’s causing my weird ass cravings.
Like PEPSI. I’m drinking fucking PEPSI.
I’m a Coke girl. Always have been, always will be. So you can imagine my shock and confusion. And J’s pissiness about all his soda disappearing.
Then, there’s the salt.
It’s so bad, I think I need a salt lick.
There’s a few other things, but I’m watching the “Smile Time” episode of AtS, and well, Puppet Angel is way more interesting than my obsession over my new dietary needs.
J’s going to think I’m insane… I’m pretty sure that if he needs THIS to clue him in, he hasn’t been paying attention to me for the last elebenty million years.
I’m not sure where I should debut it. A BU game? Fiddle night? Work? NashCon?
The plan is to pass it on to someone when I’ve gotten what I need out of it. (Unless of course it makes me look incredibly sexxy. Then, I’m never taking it off!).
Long time friends know well just how fussy an eater I am.
We’re talking fast food escapes once I find out that lunch/dinner has a single ingredient I don’t like, don’t think I like or know I don’t want to like. We’re talking saying, “That’s OK. I’m not hungry,” when, in fact, I am starving.
It’s bad, but I’ve always been able to work around it or have had family members willing to tolerate my running out on a Big Deal Dinner to grab a burger.
If you’ve not been under a rock, you’re aware that there’s this diet/lifestyle change that involves removing all the gluten from your diet.
I worked with someone who has celiac disease and I’ve worked with people who were gluten-free because their kids had to be.
Then, I was told I HAD to read a book called “Wheat Belly”.
Then, we switched Apache to Guinney’s food. G’s food is ALL protein with very little grain. Apache lost so much weight on the food, the vet was afraid something was seriously wrong with him.
All the research I’ve done, and the unintended experiment with the dogs, kind of made me want to try going gluten-free. Weight-loss aside, there’s a lot to be said about a diet plan that has been proven to affect both autistic and schizophrenic personalities in positive ways.
I know this isn’t the key to the kingdom of Weight Loss AND Bipolar control, but what the hell? What’s the worst that can happen?
So… I’m baby-stepping into it. I don’t NEED to do this but I WANT to do it.
Not only am I trying to limit the gluten I eat, I’m trying to find more gluten-free things to eat that aren’t in my normal diet.
1) Eating more fruits other than red delicious apples - I branched out into oranges yesterday! I ended up wearing a lot of the juice, but it was tasty.
2) Eating more things that are gluten-free but out of my limited menu - I mean, holy shit! I tried American cheese yesterday on my turkey sammich, too! (That’s the first time I’ve ever had American cheese that wasn’t in a grilled cheese sammich. I like grilled cheese sammiches, but I have to forget they’re made out of cheese. Shut up.)
I’m telling you, I’m a crazy person.
However, Cheddar cheese and I… we don’t get along so well.
That’s not too bad—three new things and only one made me gag.
Slow and steady should get me where I need to be without the all or nothing confines of Weight Watchers, or other diet plans…
We ended up moving to a training collar on Guinness.
We’ve tested it on ourselves, and the shocks aren’t that bad. They actually don’t hurt - even at the higher settings. It’s more of a phone vibrating in your pocket type of thing.
It seems to be working, and we’ve found a trainer that we like. The first one was all warm and fuzzy, and between her constant reminders to be nice, she was pulling more guilt trips than were reasonable. I know we’re shitty puppy parents and that Guinness is much different from either of the Aussies. He’s a lot more work and we’re doing what we can to adapt to his needs.
But this thing with the cat.
It’s getting ridiculous.
She paws at the bedroom door, meowing, all night long. It excites Guinney, and then he attacks the door. Hard. With full volume barking.
The new (mean) trainer and the training collar have actually been huge. When he flies upstairs to go after her, a quick shock and a “downstairs”, and he’s back with us in the living room.
If you had ever told me I’d be working with a trainer like ours and shocking my puppy when he tries to kill the cat, I would have told you you were out of your mind. (Seriously. It doesn’t look like play and even if it was, he’s too big and too strong to play nicely with someone that little.) But, desperate times and all that. Guinney is big and strong. He’s got a few schutzhund champions, police dogs, and show dogs in his blood. He’s more fearless than pretty and the breeder was going to keep him as a stud. At the last minute, they received a dog from Germany to replace him. Yeah, they’re pretty hardcore.
In the two weeks we’ve been working with him and the collar, we’ve seen a lot of improvement.
