Where do I start?

it’s like clif is common sense and j2 is the spn fandom on tumblr… (not my pic, of course)

I was planning on attending rehearsal and sucking it up through the next two parades, but I got there and decided fuck it, and handed my uniform in. The universe decreed it so when BU beat Northeastern last night, granting us home ice in the playoffs. Let’s look at this realistically… No matter what scenario, I wouldn’t know about Sunday’s game until last minute Saturday night. If I had a choice between a parade I didn’t want to march in and a hockey game, I’d go to the hockey game. Since I wasn’t going to be able to go to the parade on the 17th (the big one), hanging around for the parade on the 24th was kind of pointless.

Yeah. Tough choice, that.

I did some research for my interviews tomorrow, but I forgot to take my pills this morning and got kind of sick. I tweaked my back on Thursday, and I’ve been paying for it ever since. My priority this morning was to unlock my back, not take care of the bipolar. Now my back hurts AND I’m in withdrawal. (I hate those damn pills. There’s no reason that missing one day of them should make me so sick, but they do.)

So, yeah… I got lost in Johnlock earlier today and then, just as I thought I was in the clear, I stumbled upon the Sherlock fandom’s take on The Hobbit. How great is it - really - when your OPT is in two things together, in totally different settings? The “text” from Cumbersmaug just cracked me up, and I really needed that giggle. Of course, then I saw the marshmalloooooow screen cap, and that seemed much more valuable than any thing I had to say.

I missed Soulmate Boy’s birthday again. I suppose if I could find the energy to go through the boxes that contain the last three years of my life, I’d find the birthday card I was writing out right before I got tossed to the curb. Oh well, I suppose I can get him a ‘happy belated birthday’ card…

I think I’m going to put on some Doctor Who and try to take a nap.

ALWAYS MY BROTP. ALWAYS

i literally laughed my ass off at these two for about twenty minutes. cumbersmaug!

Some days, all that there is to say is Marshmalloooooow! Right, Cumberbatch?

Yep.

VATICAN CAMEOS!

it all makes sense now…

After being worked on by two separate people, I decided to go back to the Muchachos on a very short term basis. Basically, the two parades and then I’m out again. Someone’s silence on the whole thing spoke volumes… hence, one (well, two) and done.

—-

Yesterday, I scheduled two interviews back to back. One is closer to home, but in MA, and has a UK office. The job - the way it’s described is kind of ‘eh’ - but if there’s a possibility of growth… The UK office is nice, but it’s not enough of a reason to take an ‘eh’ job, you know?  The other is a national retail firm, about 45 minutes away, but has a very interesting job description. The retail company will make a decision on Monday after my interview… Tuesday at the latest. Hopefully interview #1 goes well enough so that I can make an educated decision on whether or not I should hold off on an offer from there. Salary is also going to be a big sticking point - less to equal money at the retail company, or whatever the MA company gives me.

I don’t want to take a job just to take a job, but I don’t want to remain out of work, either. I’m not bred to stay home…

—-

Martin Freeman was on the Graham Norton show last night (in Europe) for Red Nose Day. Graham decided to flash some of the more, uh, interesting fan art. Martin’s reaction was so calm that you knew he had to have seen them before. (He must stalk the johnlock tag on tumblr… he knows too much about the fandom and what we’re capable of! He mentioned the hedgehog and otter in an interview!)

There’s definitely a homoerotic subtext to the show, but I ship Johnlock for the friendship aspect. The love between them is obvious, and despite the fact that Sherlock comes out and says that women are not his area and John keeps pointing out (rather aggressively) that he’s not gay, I could definitely ship the shit out of the romantic/sexual aspect, but that doesn’t do much for me. It’s a much better story when you realize that Sherlock does fall deeply in “love” with John when he realizes that not only will John put up with his shit, he actually cares for him. I mean, he’s killed people to protect Sherlock. John’s really the only one in Sherlock’s life to do so… which makes it all the more impressive because their bond is so instantaneous, it happens in the very beginning of the pilot episode.

As series two goes on, you can see Sherlock kind of getting softer and lets his love of John actually show. I think the ashtray scenes in “Scandal in Belgravia” kind of drives that point home:

I’m not a big fan of the running jokes about Sherlock and John becoming a couple, but if they were to become a romantic version of Johnlock, it’d be so far out of canon it would be just wrong. John’s supposed to get married (to a woman). At least he does in the books. I know Moffat and Gatiss stray from canon for the sake of the story because they do need to be updated to fit current events and the technology available to the pair, but…

I don’t know.

All I know is that I need to shovel the driveway again, and Guinness is freaking out. Time to go play outside!

Cuter than a kitten

can’t. handle. the. cuteness.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I HATE applying for jobs in this brave, new, world. Yeah, the internet makes it easier for HR / recruiters, but it’s a bitch for job hunters. Why do I have to fill out twenty screens about my work history, etc. when it’s all in my resume? I swear, they must make it near impossible for the unemployed to apply just so they can limit the number of applicants.

The good news, if there is any, is that I’ve found a few international companies to apply for. The other good news is that I have the time to do nothing but take over an hour to fill out one freaking job application on line.

I don’t know… I’ve had some interesting positions placed in front of me from some different recruiters. Maybe there’s a light at the end of the (very short?) tunnel. I don’t know yet…

—-

I had to cancel my plans to go to London for Nick’s wedding. It was too expensive to fly overseas and since I wanted to pay for everything the day it went on the card, it would have eaten up cash reserves we may need until I can find a job. I guess I’m glad we waited for the invite before we solidified our plans… I didn’t want to go into debt for this especially since I don’t know if we’d even be able to make the minimum card payments…

I also quit the Muchachos this morning. Not a happy decision and not a quick one. The bass line never had the same line up, we only met once every two weeks, and it’s hard to practice (let alone memorize) when you don’t have the passion. I’ve been frustrated since our second rehearsal, and it’s just not fun for me. It breaks my heart to make this choice, too, but I just don’t care anymore. I’d chalk it up to post job-loss depression, but this started back in November. I feel bad that I’m letting them down… I really am. We have two big parades coming up this month, but I just can’t find the energy to even care that I’m letting them down. (“Oh! Look! There goes the last fuck I give!” as the kids on tumblr say.)

I’m cutting friends out of my life because they can’t bother to be there when I need them (see yesterday’s entry), so why should I keep anything else in my life that doesn’t bring me joy?

—-

Also, anytime I see Bibbety Bobbety Chumbawumba’s real name, a certain song plays on my iPod / iTunes, and once in a restaurant. WTF, universe? Those days are LONG past. Can you give up on the torture now? Cumberbabe’s not even related to that time period… they just happen to share three letters! Three stupid, insignificant letters. Grrrrrr…

 

This sums up how I feel right now…

sad to say, but this is how i’ve been feeling lately…

I try not to be a needy person, and I keep a vast majority of what’s going on in my head private. (I hear you laughing…Piss off.)

I know, I know, I dump a lot of emotional baggage here. BUT. Sometimes, it feels like that’s the only way I can ask for help…

I know you’re out there reading my blog.

I know you know how to get in touch with me.

So why the fuck don’t you?

(this angsty post brought to you by the loneliness caused by being home alone all day, waiting for the phone to ring…)