Obsessions and drama

ahl all-star game :: portland, me :: 2003

Its the AHL All-Star Weekend this weekend and I wanted to be in Worcester in the worst way, but it just didn’t work out.  The above picture is from the only All-Star game I’ve been to - it was our honeymoon.  (Yes, we were married in August and didn’t honeymoon until January.)  In case you didn’t get that:  We went to Maine.  For a hockey game.  For our honeymoon.

I’ve been accused of being completely odd… but as I’ve pointed out before, I’m a wicked obsessed hockey fan.  The hubby had to become one, or else it just wasn’t going to work. He fell in love with the sport.  Which, of course, is a good thing. 

For the record, we got married on the 20th anniversary of Chronic Town‘s release. This was a total coincidence, but one I’m proud of.  (I’m a huge R.E.M. fan if you hadn’t noticed.  The URL of this blog is the fifth song on the second side of Fables of the Reconstruction / Reconstruction of the Fables (Or the tenth song on the CD for you young’uns).)  He is not an R.E.M. fan.  I’m working on that.

I was moving some old journals and one fell open to a really interesting entry I had written during college.  I was struggling with that “should I stay or should I go” phase of a relationship.  I stayed, but the issue forcing that particular decision hasn’t yet gone away, even though he did. A decision is made when you choose to do nothing, remember. 

Now I’m kind of facing an offshoot of that same issue.  It’s a “do I / don’t I” thing.  I know I’m on the “don’t I” side, but there is much temptation to cross that line.  I’m pretty sure I know the root of what’s bringing this issue back to the forefront, but damn.  I’ve lived over half my life suffering the consequences of when someone else chose “do I” over me.  I like to think that this particular piece of drama is related to that and my getting over the pain that decision caused… but I don’t really know.  I know that biology is stronger than science and that scares the crap out of me.  I wasn’t ready to face down that decision now… even though I knew in my gut that it was inevitable.

Now that it’s time is here, I’m stuck with facing a particularly dangerous demon.  If I give in, I walk the same path that led my parents to their deaths.  If I keep to what I know is true, I feel like a bit of a social leper.  An outcast.  I know that perception is mine, and mine alone, but it’s a hard thing for me to get past.

It’s a weird thing for me to be so vague in a blog entry, but I don’t want to name this demon and give it even more power over me than it already has. If you know me, you’ll know what I’m talking about.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s actually probably for the best… even though you can find it in the archives if you look for it.

 

Sieve! Backup Sieve! Shut out!

bu vs unh :: agganis arena, boston university :: january 23, 2009

Last night (as we do just about every Friday, it seems), we headed into Boston for the BU/UNH game.  I wasn’t quite sure what to think - BU hadn’t beaten UNH in quite some time - but apparently that was about to change.

Holy crap, we kicked their butts!  From Wilson’s goal mere seconds into the game, to Wilson literally kicking Collins’ butt in a fight, it was a good game.  For me it really was Colin Wilson’s night.  (Even though I still think Millan should have been the # 1 star!  Seriously,  the kid had a shut out!  A shut out!) He had two goals, an assist and 14 minutes in penalties (all because of the fight) - good enough for a Gordie Howe hat trick.  You hardly ever see those - especially in an NCAA game.

Tonight, we’re headed up to UNH for the second game in the home and home.  I think if we played like we did last night, we’ll sweep the weekend. I hope we sweep the weekend… I don’t like being behind Northeastern in the Hockey East standings and every point helps.

I’m both excited and “eh” about our trip down the road.  Durham is certainly closer than Boston, but the tickets were a gift from my old employer (they have UNH season tickets) and I’m stuck sitting on the UNH side, next to one of the (retired) partners of the firm, and behind the penalty box.  I’m not sure what the view looks like from there, and I’m not sure I want to be sitting in enemy territory, in my bright red jersey, during a televised game, but that’s life, I guess. The tickets were free, and we were just going to watch the game on TV anyway, so why not drive the half hour to the Whit?

I guess we’ll see what happens.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the W… and that NESN chooses to ignore us when they’re filming that area of the rink…

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  *hug tackle*

instrument (the band) :: mohegan sun, uncasville, ct :: august 13, 2008

That was my emailed response to the best present I could have received this year (so far).

After being all “OMG! They have new songs online!”,  someone, a very awesome someone - who never reads my freaking blog - sent me the EP. I was one of a very select few who got access to the mp3s early.  A VERY select few.  *squee* (or *meow*, depending on who you are…)  THANK YOU, D!!!!!

I had it playing at work today.  At one point, it was actually rather loud, considering I was on the phone, and the person on the other end asked me what it was.

I told her simply, “It’s my happy.”

I ended up pointing her to Instrument’s MySpace page ( MYSPACE.COM/INSTRUMENTTHEBAND What are you waiting for? GO!) and she really likes their stuff, too.

She and I talked about making the journey to an Instrument show together… but after thinking about it, I’m not sure that’s the best idea.  I tend to get into trouble when I’m in Connecticut and I like to get into trouble when I go to Connecticut.  (It helps chase the ghosts away.)  I don’t really think I’m ready for these two parts of my world to intersect… Yeah, she heard the stories, but I don’t think she needs to experience it head on.  Besides, I’m a different person when there are witnesses. I don’t want to be that person - she never has any fun!

I really feel honored that he thought about me when he decided to share the EP early.  It means a lot to me.  A LOT.

I don’t know what it is with the boys in this band, but one compliments me and leaves me smiling all week and the other one totally made my year (so far).

*contented sigh*

This almost makes up for the extended disco remix of the backstage ick…

Someday, I suppose

check out instrument (the band)‘s new songs :: instrument (the band)‘s myspace page ::  try “i still love you”

Not much for talking today…

I spent too much time in the car on Sunday and not enough time skiing. (I broke myself and spent the entire day in first aid.  w00t!)  Spending all that time alone, with just the voices in my head to keep me company is never a good thing. There’s some stuff going on behind the scenes that’s pretty heavy and I think there are some decisions I need to make.  Decisions I’m not ready to make.  Decisions I don’t want to have to make.

It’s hard to blog about stuff like that here.  It’s just as hard to do on my other blog - where I’m a lot more open and have very few boundaries about what I’ll discuss.  That tells me I need to spend more time with the moleskine and scritchy fountain pens working it out on paper.  Putting it out for the world - or even a few trusted friends - just doesn’t feel right. 

The more I sort it out, the more things get distorted.
I sort of think I’m better off just leaving it unsorted.
The more I try to change its course, the more off course it goes.
Of course I’ll reach my destination. Someday. I suppose.
- “Someday I Suppose” (MIghty Mighty Bosstones)

 

It’s all your fault, sieve!

boston college at boston university :: agganis arena :: january 17, 2009

# 1—
For Newton, For Newton
The Outhouse on the hill!
For Newton, For Newton
They suck and always will!
So here’s to the outhouse on the hill,
Cause Boston College sucks and they always will,
For Newton, For Newton,
The outhouse on the hill!

# 2—
Jerry York is a horse’s ass!
He’s the meanest!
Sucks the biggest penis!
Jerry York is a horse’s ass!

# 3—
F*ck ‘em up! F*ck ‘em up!
BC SUCKS!
(Sieve, sieve, sieve, sieve, sieve!!!!)

I LOVE when we hold BC winless in the series.  Even more so when we do it twice at home.

I highly doubt we’ll see them in the Beanpot Championship game, but I hope they beat Northeastern.  It will make the ‘Pot that much more interesting.