Top 8 for 2008

the best part of the ucmb bassline: viz, derek & i :: university of ct (frat rock, i think) :: winter 1997

I've noticed in the past few months that I've gotten completely OCD when it comes to the music in my car. If there's a CD in the changer or an iPod plugged in, the odds are good it's set to repeat either an entire album or a song. I've gone days listening to the same song or album over and over and over and over and over...

Without getting tired of it.

So, I figured I'd list the top 8 songs / albums on constant play in my car. This way, when my sanity starts to get questioned more than it usually is, I can pinpoint this moment in time as when I realized that there might be something a little more off about me than most people think.

Here we go ---


THE TOP EIGHT SONGS / ALBUMS MOST LIKELY TO BE ON REPEAT IN THE FORESTER
When possible I've included the mp3s for you to download. Don't be a dick - right click!

10) Knocked Out - All Crazy

This song just makes me happy. I'd never heard of the band until V & I saw them at Tommy Doyle's in Cambridge... and then I got addicted to their sound. Rap and an electric violin! How could you not love it? -- Find them on iTunes: All Crazy - Sex, Drugs and Hip Rock

9) Busy F'ing in the Bushes - DJ Schmoli

I have a thing for mashups. I can't help it... I'm fascinated at the time and effort it takes to mix up all these songs and come out with something really good. -- DOWNLOAD IT (More by DJ Schmoli here.)

8) We Didn't Go To Harvard - The Cornell Hangovers

"No, we're not that cocky and they can't play hockey!" A little a capella tune by some Cornell kids... a take off of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire", but c'mon you have to love anything that puts the Crimson in their proper place. -- DOWNLOAD IT

7) MTA - The Kingston Trio

Maybe it seems lame - after all, Boston has adopted the song & named their subway passes "Charlie Cards" - but it was my dad, CHARLIE'S, favorite song. It's one of mine too, if only because of the fact that when I hear it I think of us in his car, heading to Maine for our vacation every year. -- Find it on iTunes: The Kingston Trio - Greatest Hits

6) Lola - The Kinks

Ah, a song about a cross dresser. Seems kinda fitting. -- Find it on iTunes: The Kinks - One for the Road

5) Rock 'n' Roll N****r - Patti Smith

So, I'm probably being totally un-PC here, but I love this song. Maybe it's the line: "Outside of society, that's where I want to be." I did spend almost a year trying so desperately to conform at that evil CPA firm. -- Find it on iTunes: Patti Smith - Land (1975-2002)

4) Accelerate (album) - R.E.M.

Although I don't like how the press kept saying this was the album that made R.E.M. relevant again, it is them at their post-Bill Berry finest. While the entire album is excellent, "Hollow Man" speaks to me like "Find the River" did over a decade ago. It does sound a little "Fables of the Reconstruction-y" towards the end, which is interesting. "Hollow Man" is definitely my favorite track on the entire album because of lines like these::"I've been lost inside my head...I took the prize last night for complicated mess..." -- DOWNLOAD "Hollow Man" (R.E.M. @ Great Woods, 6/13/08) -- Find it on iTunes: R.E.M. - Accelerate

3) Hallelujah - Kate Voegele

This chick's voice was made for Leonard Cohen's song (most famously covered by Jeff Buckley). Although I can listen to Buckley's version a thousand times and never get sick of it, this version gives me chills. -- Find it on iTunes: Kate Voegele - Don't Look Away

2) Let Love In (album) - Goo Goo Dolls

I do not know what it is about this album but I cannot get enough of it. It was literally ALL I listened to during November (in the car and at home) when I was working on my NaNo. To be honest, it hasn't been on repeat lately because I'm actually, finally, ready to take a break from it. I didn't think that would happen. -- Find it on iTunes: Goo Goo Dolls - Let Love In

1) Feed the Animals - Girl Talk

Holy crap, where do I start? Putting DJ Kool's "Let Me Clear My Throat" over Dexy's Midnight Runner's "Come On Eileen" ("Set It Off")? What about "In Step" -with its inspired layering of Salt n Pepa's "Push It", Nirvana's "Lithium" and Deee-Lite's "Groove is in the Heart"? Or "Here's the Thing" with Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" vocal over NIN's "Wish"? I swear, it is never the same album twice. -- DOWNLOAD IT (For the cheaters, Wikipedia has a pretty comprehensive listing of all the samples in the order they appear.)

It wouldn't be a best of without a runner up or two...

Los Angeles - Counting Crows

"Honey, I'm just trying to make some sense out of me." This was a very difficult year for me... I struggled with the culture at the CPA firm and that struggle quickly became an intense battle for my sanity as the bipolar quickly spiraled out of control. (Even heavily medicated, I was a complete disaster.) -- Find it on iTunes: Counting Crows - Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings

Ignoreland - R.E.M.

Hearing this live - a song Michael Stipe once said he hated - blew my mind this summer. I've been a big fan of the song since day one. My most favorite line EVER (and I've used it a gazillion times) comes from this song: "I know that this is vitriol. No solution, spleen venting, but I feel better having screamed. Don't you?" (Plus, it's one of a very few songs where Stipe lets loose my favorite word.) -- DOWNLOAD "Ignoreland" (R.E.M. @ Great Woods, 6/13/08) [Find the original on iTunes: R.E.M. - Automatic for the People]

I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

I've tried very hard not to like him - it seems trendy to like him and his weird phrasing, but this song... I don't know. If I had to pin down one reason, it's the line "I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some." (Or that bit about ear nibbling...MMMM...) -- Find it on iTunes: Jason Mraz - We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things

And finally, last but most certainly not least, the album I will most likely ring in the new year with:

Self-titled, 2 song demo - Instrument (the Band)

You TOTALLY had to see this coming. They sound much better since they brought Jonah on board... he's an amazing bass player... but the original (remaining) three are freaking awesome as well. I don't know Aaron that well, but I've managed to bond with Jonah (who is the most unique, fascinating person I've ever met) and Ben, the lead singer (as if that wasn't totally obvious lately).

I've known Derek (the drummer) since my freshman year of college. When I lived off campus that first semester, D helped me out by letting me stay at his place. (I don't know if I can ever thank him enough for that. I should also apologize... going back through my journals, I think I treated him pretty badly around that time. I am so sorry, D! I am teh suck... ) We marched together in the drumline. Once I joined the basses, I was sandwiched between V & D. Every time we'd stop short, he'd run into me with his drum. ( I actually have a patch on the back of my head that I think is permanently bruised. It doesn't help that I rub it all the time when I'm nervous. I'm not sure what that's about.) D is also the only person other than my father who ever got away with calling me Tammy. (Only one other person came close, but he settled for calling me Mat (Tam backwards) and taking that to Matty. I'm cool with that.) D is one of those people that I just couldn't let go of when I left for Ohio... I know, D, I'm a shit friend for never getting in contact with you during my seven year exile, but I did think about you a lot. There were a lot of people I didn't stay in contact with because the homesickness was so bad... all. seven. years. It NEVER went away.

So, anyway... the songs... I don't really know how to describe them. Ben's got this voice that is angelic ("Invincible") and also sounds like Kurt Cobain's at the end of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" ("Letter"). Derek's drumming is so understated, it reminds me of Bill Berry. He plays just what is necessary and it's sooo perfect. Aaron and Jonah fill in the gaps and take what was just good and make it incredible. (It's a shame you can't hear Jonah on the demo, as he joined after it was recorded, but you'll get to hear him when they drop their new disc.) If you ever get a chance to see them live, make sure you stay for the closer. "I Still Love You" showcases the foursome at their finest. (And it better be on the new disc!!!!)

DOWNLOAD "Letter"
DOWNLOAD "Invincible" <-My personal fave

Little Man

apache :: da ‘brook :: august 14, 2008

People who say having dogs is not the same as having children seriously need to spend a few hours at our house.

Apache is my “special” child.  The one with the wild streak.  The one with the rage issues.  He’s a handful… I’d compare him to a bipolar child.  Seriously.  I see a lot of myself in him.  The wild mood swings, the lashing out, the neediness.  There’s very little that is different between the two of us, once you get past the whole, “He’s a DOG” thing. He’s my little boy… in the body of a dog.  I think that projecting human-ness on him (while frowned upon by the Dog Whisperer) has actually helped me to understand him better. It hasn’t helped with the aggression towards strangers, but since we hardly ever have people to the house, I’m not as concerned about it as I probably should be. 

Much like me when I was younger, he has a stuffed animal that is his constant companion.  Actually, scratch that.  I had Matthew the teddy bear.  Apache has two moosies and a puppy.  He prefers the moosies over the puppy, but he doesn’t have a favorite moosie.  He goes everywhere with the Chosen One.  I think one of my most popular phrases is “No, Poo, moosie doesn’t go outside.”  He insists on taking the moosie outside, but once he hits the grass he puts the moosie down and forgets about it.  If you pick the moosie up, he freaks out and won’t leave you alone until you give him the moosie back.  Then he drops it.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

Have I stressed how important the moosies (and puppy) are to him?  Good.  Moving on…

A few weeks ago, one of the moosies was on Arsey’s love seat.  She jumped up on the love seat and threw the moosie on the floor.

Apache walked over to where the moosie landed, picked it up oh so gently and brought it over to where he had been sleeping.  When he put the moosie down, he let loose this big, huge, sigh and plopped down.

Arsey watched this whole scene with the largest freaking grin on her face.  She knew EXACTLY what she did.

Kids.

HEE!

Completely off topic & no photo—

I was just checking my stats and this here web site comes up # 2 in searches for “suck blow benedetto” !!!!

I suck, I blow, I’m Benedetto! (Yes, he is THE worst ref in Hockey East.)

It’s OK!  I’m with the band!

instrument the band :: the warehouse, hartford ct :: december 14, 2008

After the R.E.M. concert, I discovered that I REALLY LOVE taking pictures at concerts. Mostly because I’m constantly pushing myself and concerts provide a level of difficulty that dogs and birds can’t. 

Taking photos at concerts with the little Olympus in tow does nothing but sharpen my Photoshop skills, but the camera fits in my pants.  I’m so butch that I don’t carry a purse, so if I can’t stow the camera somewhere out of the way, it doesn’t come with.  I learned my lesson over the weekend - I’m never going to another show with the Olympus. It’s worth hauling the Nikon everywhere.

At any rate… I went to The Warehouse in Hartford, CT on Sunday to watch my friend’s band AGAIN.  Twice in one week.  3 hours one way. Hanging out late with the boys in the band.  Getting home after midnight.  Smelling like drummer, lead singer, bass player, beer.  No wonder I’m so freaking exhausted.  It’s so totally worth it, though.  I love being close to my friends - even if it’s a hell of a drive to get there - and I miss the CT music scene I grew up with.  (Thanks, Ben, for reminding me of the “glory days”.) It’s nice to kind of, sort of, revisit such a favorite part of my past… even if it’s not quite the same.

I’m always going to be the kid at the concert, bopping and singing along.  It’s who I am.  Just ask the guy at the Cleveland R.E.M. show. (“Dude, she knows ALL THE WORDS!”) Or you could ask the guy at last night’s show.  I know the words to all of three songs, but I sang along to them and did my little dancing-type-thing.  Guy I was standing next to was looking at me like I was insane, but I was having a blast.  I had my camera, good friends and good tunes. Couldn’t ask for anything more.

Had a blast with Mama and Papa E, didn’t get to spend any real quality time with my new BFF, and we got asked if we had any reefer. Aaron and I taught Derek the proper way to check someone - both by dropping the shoulder and with the hip.  Jonah tried to kill a pole and then waved his (rather large) stick around.  Someone accused someone else of wanting to get laid. (Nope.  That was Thursday, but thanks for bringing it up again.)  Comments made while good-bye hugs were distributed.  (I have much love for you, too.) 

I’m so bummed it’s the holiday season and they won’t be performing for a while.  It’s like hanging out with Viz and Jeff: ...there’s this huge empty void in my life when they’re not around.  Being with these two is like doing drugs -the highs are amazing and going cold turkey sucks.

The only consolation is that I kind of offered to be the official photographer for the band - since I’ve just been paparazzi so far - and the offer was accepted.  So cool!  I get to say “I’m with the band!”  Heh.  It’s the little things that make me happy…

So, Thursday… whoo-boy!

instrument (the band) :: hungry tiger, manchester, ct :: dec. 12, 2008

“All we are is all we’ll ever be…”  Instrument - “Invincible”

I drove down to CT to watch Instrument play at the Hungry Tiger on Thursday.  I did this for two reasons: 1) I needed FUN!, and 2) it was a test of my intestinal fortitude.  I grew up in Manchester, 10 minutes from the Tiger.  My dad and I used to spend a lot of time at Charter Oak Park (which is behind the bar) and we used to eat there.  It was one of his favorite restaurants.  I made myself pretty sick on the drive there - just stressing myself out and having all these little memory land mines come out of nowhere. But, I’ve gone to the cemetery, so this couldn’t be that hard right? Right?  HA!  I almost bawled when I looked at the menu.  Yeah, it’s changed, but his favorite sandwiches were still on it - can’t beat the classics.

 

<.side note>

Before I continue my recap… I was once accused by a boyfriend that I didn’t “let him in” (Emotionally.  Get your mind out of the gutter.).  I explained to him that I had several levels of friendship and that were certain “tests” you had to pass to move deeper into my world. (After my mom died, I learned pretty quickly who my friends and family were.  Basically no one I had known prior to March 18, 1992 stuck around for very long after that. So, sue me for being protective of myself. You would be too, if your whole life IM.PLOD.ED.  KABOOM!)

Anyhoo, he compared them to Dante’s layers of hell.  At the time, the bipolar was undiagnosed and in full swing and, in retrospect, I imagine it was probably very similar.  Instead of hell, I imagine the Tower of London. On steroids.

1) There are those outside the gates: the unknowns/the creepy drunk guys.  I don’t even let them come close.

2) There’s an area inside the walls, but not really close enough for entry into the fortress: people I hang around with because they are part of my social circle but I have no real connection to.

3) Inside the fortress walls are people I like, but don’t necessarily want to spill my guts to.  These are casual friends.  That boyfriend.

4) There’s another fortress behind another wall.  Behind that wall is my “outer circle”.  These are people I *might* take a bullet for. It depends.

5) Inside that fortress is my “inner circle” - the people I WOULD take a bullet for. Without question.

6) Finally, there’s a protected bunker inside the fortress.  That’s where my family lives.  Not my blood relations - they’re mostly useless.  I mean my REAL family… my two brothers, my two sisters, my half-brother, my husband.  These people are my family because they have gone through the worst of the bipolar and come out the other side with me.  THEY’VE EARNED IT.  These are people who are so precious to me, there are no words for it.

<./side note>

A few months ago, I had a blinding flash of the obvious during a conversation with someone.  It was such a BFO it instantly granted him access to “level 4”.  Thursday night, he made it to level 5. V says we “bonded”... maybe.  I don’t know.  Bonded doesn’t seem like the right word… but it will do.  There’s something about him that really makes me put my guard down.  I wish I knew what it was.  Maybe I’d bottle it so I could use it more often.  Whatever. I just really like him.  He’s good people.

Other highlights:

• Within 5 seconds of meeting me, crazy drunk guy is telling me I’m beautiful and lovely and basically coming on so strong, he scared the absolute crap out of me.
• “Personal Jesus” was not sung by Jesus!  (Well he might, at karaoke, but it’d have to be a duet with Hot Dog… hee!)
• Unrequited? Are you serious? For the record - YOU shut ME down. More like uninterested.
• On that note, a spider man body suit? Are you kidding me? Where did that come from?!
• Also on that note, you are a good dancer.  Sorry I’m not. It could have been more fun if I wasn’t tripping over myself.
• Also also on that note, there are certain things I didn’t need to know. Ignorance IS bliss.  Now I’ve got these random thoughts about, well, stuff, popping into my head.
• No, I am not - nor have ever been - married to two guys at the same time.
• Trust me, if I’m calling you drunk, you really are.
• Am I wearing a sign that says “Drunk guys, please hit on me!”?
• Understated is sexy.  Apparently, so is looking like a dyke.
• You know who Spring Heeled Jack & BiG MiSTAKE are?!?  Yeah, I miss the music scene we used to have, too.
• Certain ‘signature’ hand motions and comments should be used more, um, conservatively?  This is a PG-13 blog, so I won’t share one of my final comments to a certain someone… but he knows what it is.
• When we were standing by the bar and someone had his arm around my shoulders… it was nice.  After the earlier attack(s), I felt safe. Definitely a Good Thing™.
• Driving home and mishearing the lyric: “Here we lie breathing, but I lie alone” as “Here we lie breeding…”  Someone’s comments ALL NIGHT certainly put me in a strange frame of mind.
• How do you meet someone - and before you even know their name - say, “C, like in Censored?”  Holy cow, dude!  That was a little much.
• Johnny Curry started in net for the Pens and got the win! *happy dance*  (I had to keep checking the scores on my iPhone because I was dying to know and then I saw it on the ESPN scroll on one of the TVs in the bar.)

I’m normally a low-energy introvert, so when I go out like this, I actually try to tap into the mania side of the bipolar - for the extended energy boost that gets me home safely at 3:45 in the morning. Honestly though, there are points where real me is very high energy without being manic.  It’s a fine line to walk - too manic and I take stupid risks.  I totally could have / might have kissed someone Thursday night.  But common sense pulled me back from the edge.  As it was, I thought I was pretty well behaved.  Except for the language and the hand motion… and I didn’t even notice those, until comments were made about them being ‘arousing’.  I think I’m going to keep my hands in my pockets and never talk again.

I’m going back on Sunday to see the band play again.  I think I’m a glutton for punishment, but I’m interested to see if someone is going to misbehave again. $10 says he doesn’t, but I do…