Randomness

Cue “Twilight Zone” theme

September 28, 2014 :: 9:05 PM

A little more genealogical research led me to a really fucking weird coincidence…

The root of my grandparents’ last name, Rohatyn, is also the name of a city in Ukraine.

From Wikipedia: “However, the town crest has a horn of a deer which gives the first part of the Slavish name of Rohatyn or Rogatyn - “Rog” (“Horn”). The second part “Tyn” can be connected with a word which means “Stacket”. Together these two words give us “Horn Stacket”.

Also there is a legend connected with the image of the deer horn of the town crest. It is said that a wife of the Duke Jaroslav Osmomysl, being lost in a forest, met a deer. She survived by following the deer out of the forest. A fort was built with name “Rogach” (“Deer”) on the place where the duchess supposedly stepped out of the forest.”

My father worked for the Hartford Insurance Group. The logo of the Hartford is a stag.

My dad used to joke that he worked for the company with the Moose. This was a joke that would last my entire life, culminating in the engraving of a stag on the box his ashes are held in.

There’s no way in hell that either he, nor my mother, would have ever known about this coincidence.

But I do… and it makes me feel good.

Everything my father said about my mother (the woman he knew, not the one I knew) right before he died makes even more sense now.

Link to this post   •   Randomness   •    •   Ukrainian  

Ribbit! Ribbit!

September 28, 2014 :: 12:17 PM

*sigh* all that work… headed to the frog pond

So… yeah.

My first socks done toe-up and TAAT are headed to the frog pond. Somewhere, somehow, I screwed up pretty badly and there’s laddering up the borders of the pattern. It looks terrible on the needles and even worse on the foot. I’m not sure if it was because I did them two-at-a-tme, I counted completely wrong, or if I managed to drop a stitch on both socks in the exact same spot. All of which are, sadly, very likely to occur and may have even happened simultaneously. That’s how bad they are.

I don’t want to frog them, but as I looked at how fucked up they were, I realised that - more importantly - I hated knitting that fucking pattern. I mean, REALLY hated it.

I love the way Hermione’s Everyday Socks are knitting up, even though I’ve just started a pair in that pattern. (Socks for a friend, unfortunately.) I think it will look equally awesome in that red. And HES isn’t nearly as boring to work on.

It’s really weird how that happens - both are four row repeats, both are relatively simple combinations of knits and purls - but one is infinitely more fun to knit than the other.

——

I ended up buying a new Forester last Friday and broke it in by heading to Woodstock for Black Mountain Symphony’s record release party. 492 miles from the Subaru dealership, to Seabrook Town Hall, to my house, to Woodstock and back to my house - I’m already at 1,000 miles.

Have I mentioned I’ve only had the damn thing a week?

It was a hard decision and one I didn’t make lightly, despite how it may seem.

My dream car - my BMW - doesn’t come in a stick until you get to the 335, and I need an X-Drive (all wheel drive). When I found one, the sticker on it was $51K. FIFTY ONE THOUSAND. FOR A CAR. I still can’t get past the fact that my very first house was only $32K and I still can’t justify buying a car that costs more than a house. (Even though my current house has an insurance replacement value of $289K, I can’t use that for comparison. I just can’t.)

I know, I know… and I did know it was going to be ugly. I could go down to a 320 / 328, but I don’t want an automatic that thinks it’s a stick. I refuse to drive anything but a stick.

So… my car had had these ongoing issues with the fuel line. It kept throwing up “Check Engine” errors and the dealership was kind of playing hit or miss with the repairs. The first time, it was $500 for a new gas cap and some kind of fuel container thingy. This last time, it was $300 for a stupid gasket. (There were some tests, but seriously? $300 for what ended up being a $6 part.)

When I got it back, the car stunk like gas, but I was told that it was natural and the smell would go away. I didn’t have anything to worry about unless the check engine light came back on.

I don’t know about you, but worrying if my fuel line was going to go while I’m on the backwoods of MA / NY isn’t my idea of a good time. Worrying about whether or not the car would spontaneously combust wasn’t particularly enjoyable, either.

Maybe those are stupid concerns… but the car was paid off. If it hadn’t been, I’d probably still be scared shitless to drive it, but sucking it up until I could afford to pay it off.

I got a brand new 2015 Forester - approximately the same exact car (minus the horizontal roof rack thingies), with technology befitting a car seven model years newer - for the same exact payment as my old car.

I suppose I could have done a lot worse.

I have mixed feelings about it, which sounds completely weird, right? I love it - I really do - but it’s just that I didn’t want a damn car payment.

*sigh*

——

I have mixed feelings about Black Mountain Symphony’s new album. It sounds ‘flat’. I thought it was my speakers in the new car because I hadn’t tweaked them, but my iMac, iPhone, and Jamie’s car confirmed that it just sounds flat and shitty. Maybe it’s because I’ve heard the songs live a bazillion times and that energy didn’t carry over? I don’t know, but the first album sounded so crisp and clear that the mix on this album is really disappointing.

My other complaint with this album - and it’s definitely petty - is that I wasn’t listed on the liner notes, but someone’s dog was. We all joke that I’m the #1 fan, the miles I’ve put on my car, the amount of money I’ve put in tip jars, the fact that I’ve let them stay in my house (not once, but twice)... all of those are testaments to my dedication to them. I know they sincerely appreciate me. I’ve NEVER doubted that. Not for a second.

But.

It would have been nice to get a public thank you… and there are quite a few others who are surprised that I was left off.

Especially in light of someone’s fucking DOG being thanked.

I’m not going to lie. It hurts.

I’ll get past it because it is so petty and minor in the grand scheme of things, but for now, I’m just going to let it bother me so I can get it out of my system.

——

I contacted another immigration law firm this morning. I laid out the reasons why I think I can claim citizenship and asked them simply if they thought I could and how much it would cost for that privilege.

I guess we’ll see…

 

Link to this post   •   bipolar   •    •   Knitting   •    •   Randomness   •    •   Travel   •    •   Ukrainian  

It’s been a while and I needed a pick me up

September 27, 2014 :: 8:56 PM

I saw a motivational speaker at work the other day.

It motivated me all right.

To find another job.

ba dum tss

——

In all seriousness, stuff’s been going on and I needed to find my happy. Since it’s been forever ago…

Stats as of 09/27/2014:
ZURICH: 10 Subscribers, 1492 hits, 54 kudos, 4 comment threads, 4 bookmarks

PARIS: 11 subscribers, 1764 hits, 50 kudos, 5 comment threads, 2 bookmarks

HARTFORD: 10 subscribers, 882 hits, 44 kudos, 9 comment threads, 5 bookmarks

IT WAS ALWAYS THERE: 2 subscribers, 2208 hits, 16 kudos, 0 comment threads, 2 bookmarks

AUTHOR STATS: 8 author subscriptions, 42,224 words

Stats as of 03/02/2014:
ZURICH: 10 Subscribers, 1014 hits, 41 kudos, 4 comment threads, 1 bookmark

PARIS: 11 subscribers, 1191 hits, 41 kudos, 5 comment threads, 1 bookmark

HARTFORD: 10 subscribers, 713 hits, 34 kudos, 9 comment threads, 4 bookmarks

IT WAS ALWAYS THERE: 2 subscribers, 1540 hits, 15 kudos, 0 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

AUTHOR STATS: 6 author subscriptions, 42,224 words

Stats as of 01/05/2014:
ZURICH: 10 Subscribers, 838 hits, 35 kudos, 4 comment threads, 1 bookmark

PARIS: 11 subscribers, 1057 hits, 39 kudos, 5 comment threads, 1 bookmark

HARTFORD: 10 subscribers, 624 hits, 29 kudos, 9 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

IT WAS ALWAYS THERE: 2 subscribers, 1334 hits, 13 kudos, 0 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

AUTHOR STATS: 5 author subscriptions, 42,224 words


Stats as of 11/17/2013:
PARIS: 12 subscribers, 773 hits, 32 kudos, 5 comment threads, 1 bookmarks

HARTFORD: 10 subscribers, 476 hits, 28 kudos, 8 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

IT WAS ALWAYS THERE: 2 subscriber, 1056 hits, 11 kudos, 0 comment threads, 3 bookmarks



Stats as of 11/10/2013:
PARIS: 10 subscribers, 504 hits, 23 kudos, 2 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

HARTFORD: 10 subscribers, 433 hits, 23 kudos, 8 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

IT WAS ALWAYS THERE: 1 subscriber, 1018 hits, 11 kudos, 0 comment threads, 3 bookmarks

Link to this post   •   #threewords   •    •   Randomness  

Destiel to the rescue!

September 04, 2014 :: 7:50 PM

*snicker*

I am now $4.99/month poorer, but I have the ability to block a certain phone number.

I am now minus one friend on Facebook, but I have the ability to breathe.

I have finally finished what Windsor Locks started.

And, damn, it feels good.

Link to this post   •   #threewords   •    •   bipolar   •    •   Friends   •    •   Randomness  

The Empty House

August 30, 2014 :: 1:27 PM

i don’t know why i am smiling, but i’ll have you know it feels so good

*sigh*

It’s been a long few weeks.

The Apache-sized hole in our lives hasn’t begun to shrunk yet and it was really noticeable yesterday. I had a half day, so I was alone in the house for several hours before J & Guinness got home. It was pretty traumatic. I kept looking for him, listening for his bark or his tags jingling, just those little things that remind you you’re not alone in the house.

——

I decided to rework UkieGirl to make it easier to have a photo gallery. I’m using a stock template and another tutorial. (I HATE the new Expression Engine - there’s just enough that is different and it’s tripping me up left and right.) It’s nt anywhere close to being done yet, but in the meantime, for a quick break, I did redo the current blog to combine some “channels” and add some more navigation. There may be errors. I don’t care. It’s not like the blog is getting any traffic right now.

I’m a little pissy about the half-reboot because I asked for help on combining the channels and all I got in the EE forums was BS. I responded to the first answer I got with basically, “I don’t know what the fuck you mean. I know it’s not as easy as you make it sound. I have [boring tech shit here].” The response I got to that made my blood boil. That same unhelpful person wrote back, “Well, I guess you need to research how channels work.”

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, DUDE?

I’ve been using EE since it was in fucking BETA. I have googled what I’m looking for. More importantly, I only post questions to the forum when I’m really confused and want my hand held. Smart ass answers help NO ONE.

I couldn’t even respond to his post, I was so angry. I even ended up unsubscribing to my own thread. I don’t want to know what other brilliant answers are out there.

——

While I’m on the topic of things I’m probably over-reacting to, let’s talk about Soulmate Boy.

He had been doing fairly well in a halfway house and being a productive member of society while he counted down the days remaining on his sentence. His wife decided to divorce him (which is not my story to tell, but I totally saw that coming.) After threatening to commit suicide several months ago, and creating all kinds of havoc in my life. I mean SERIOUS HAVOC, he wound up back in prison, in a mental health ward.

I fought with J because of him. I never fight with J. It’s probably due to the dynamics of the fact that he’s the youngest and I’m an only child… I’ll leave that for the shrinks to decide. The fact remains that we argued quite a bit over the things I was promising SB to get him to calm down and think rationally. I meant every single one of those promises and I was going to deliver on every single one J would agree to.

Finally, we negotiated down to adding him to our cell phone plan. In March. Before he got locked up again.

He wouldn’t write me directly, choosing instead to dictate letters to me through his mother. I got email after email after email begging me to get him a damn cell phone.

Did I mention he wasn’t going to be free / able to use a cell phone until August 18th? This shit started in MARCH.

We went and upgraded our iPhones, looked at new plans, looked at phones for him, etc. If the girl at the AT&T store hadn’t been such a fuckhead, I probably would have had every thing all set for him. In July. When I got sick of the bullshit. (And did I mention, he had to have a CT phone number because he was afraid that a NH number would violate his probation or some such shit? So, that added an extra layer of bullshit to deal with. We live in NH. My account is in NH. Getting a CT number required some work.)

The very next day, I got an email from his mom telling me he convinced his aunt to get a cell phone. Supposedly, she didn’t know about him begging the aunt.

My blood literally started to boil. My heart acted up. I was unable to calm down.

I just couldn’t believe how selfish he was. I was going to lose my AWESOME cell phone plan (unlimited data, text, voice, iPad, roaming, etc) because we were adding a line and that plan wasn’t offered any more. Granted, in the end, it became a moot point, but for fuck’s sake what if the girl at the AT&T store hadn’t pissed me off? I’d have an extra phone, an extra line, and a shitty plan because of him.

I’m still angry thinking about it, and it’s been almost two months.

The other night, I was watching a Queer as Folk episode where Ted is pissed off at the gang for some reason or another. (I don’t remember the episode and I turned it on halfway through, so forgive my vagueness.) Ted’s friend, Blake, runs into Michael and Ben at the gym and says, “You’re a reflection of those things that he wants to forget. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you.”

And holy shit. Light. Fucking. Bulb.

I only have two words: Windsor Locks.

Again, probably not my story to tell, but the highlights include a midnight phone call, and hour drive to an apartment complex, and a threat of attempting suicide.

I think you can put the pieces together.

He’s definitely a reflection of those things I want to forget… I need to forget Windsor Locks. While the details are hazy, the emotions are very much there. Very powerful. Very unforgettable.

Let’s put it this way, if I ever needed to learn the Ukrainian word for suicide (самогубство), his face would be my mnemonic device.

To put it in psychological terms, he is a trigger. A trigger for all the bad things I am capable of. For all the bad things my body can do. (Dude… thank Dog for my heart pills or I would have gone to the ER that afternoon.)

I need to walk away, but because I do care, it’s hard to stay away. We’ve been doing this stupid dance for decades now. If I don’t find him, he finds me.

Right now, he’s on my facebook restricted list but I’m about an hour away from defriending him and blocking his new phone number. If he tried to email me, I’d even report him as spam.

I just can’t have him in my life any more… and every one says, “Oh, if he’s that toxic, dump him.” Then, I tell them about the blocking and the spam reporting, and I get told I’m overreacting. The only way to remove him from my life is to really ensure he can’t find me.

Obviously, there aren’t any easy answers where he’s concerned, and there never have been.

——

In happier news, I officially own my car.

I now have only one car in my life that I’ve never held the title to.

Most of the time, I get the title and trade the car in, but I really don’t want a car payment right now. Maybe I can frame my title and use it as inspiration to save the $24K that firm is going to charge me to get a Ukie passport. *grin*

OK. Enough stalling…  back to terrible 80s horror flicks and html.

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