completely random

NO TOUCHY

October 30, 2021 :: 4:00 PM

reminds me of the 75 different versions of the SG budget…

 

І ми продовжуєм нести свій прапор, а не хрест. Ми продовжуєм іти на власний Еверест.

And we continue to carry our banner, but not our cross. We continue to walk on our own Everest.

- - - - - - - - - -


SOOOOOOO.

We are at 5 days until Wine and Dine. FIVE! DAYS!

Five days until I run a 5K, a 10K, and a half marathon around Epcot. (And some Disney parking lots… *sigh*)

Yeah.

I can’t say that I’ve trained particularly well, but it can’t be nearly as hard as a Racery event.

(Also, whoever curated the runDisney Training playlist on Spotify needs some serious help. I find none of the songs inspiring.)

 

- - - - - - - - - -

A zillion years ago, I wrote about this nifty little report I was trying to write.

A quick rundown of the process:

I beat the snot out of QuickBooks until I could run two reports.

I export those reports to Excel and clean them up. QuickBooks exports the Estimates vs Actuals report like… well, it looks like it barfed data all over the place. So, there’s a lot of cleaning up of that particular report. The custom Customer report isn’t nearly as bad, but it’s not necessarily great, either.

Once that’s done, I import them into Access.

Run a couple of queries.

Load the report.

And BOOM!

A very usable, very pretty, Jobs in Progress report.

It mooshes, it squooshes, it slices, it dices!

Until you try to update the data.

And then it’s a different type of BOOM!

Yeah… I broke the fuck out of that when I went to update the data.

Part of the problem is that I couldn’t append the new information because it would create duplicates. It wouldn’t be such a bad thing, but it was hard to parse out the old data that way. So, I got the bright idea to append and then delete the old data.

And it was beautiful.

All the queries worked, but the report didn’t.

I thought it had something to do with the dataset becoming screwed up when I deleted the old data.

So I went to the backup I made. And then, because I don’t trust myself, I created a back up of THAT backup.

I named it NO TOUCHY because, well, I kept over writing the first backup.

I swear, I am smart.

Anyhoo…

I beat my head against the wall for a few weeks, playing with it here and there, when I had a spare moment at work.

Yesterday, I had the hallelujah moment.

I HAD NAMED ONE OF THE FIELDS DIFFERENTLY.

Turns out there is a big fucking difference between CustNum and Cust Number. ESPECIALLY when the damn thing is looking for CustNum.

So now, my pretty report works again.

About fucking time.

 

- - - - - - - - - -

Great snippet of life at home:

Me: So, I’m watching Titans and it’s OK. You know, DC Comics, Robin.

Him: I thought you didn’t like superheros.

Me: No, I don’t, but I’m totally down for some Dick Grayson.

Him: Dick Racing?

Me: That too.

 

Link to this post   •   #threewords   •    •   completely random   •    •   running  

Oh. Fuck.

July 31, 2021 :: 9:38 AM

all I need is a 16 minute mile… and to NOT die

Soooooooooooooooo

Assuming the new wave of Coronavirus doesn’t cancel the races, I’m running both Wine and Dine and Marathon weekends.

Yes.

THE FUCKING DOPEY CHALLENGE. #DOPEY2021 IS REAL (although a year late)

I have no idea what I’m doing - I had planned on skipping the race this year. But it’s the 50th anniversary of the House of Mouse and I plan to be one and done, so why not?

My newsfeed was packed full of people wanting to register so I didn’t think I had a hope in hell of making it in.

Yeah… my luck is never that good. LOL

One more time for those not obsessing over these races with me:

Wine & Dine - 5K, 10K, Half Marathon - 4 medals - one for each race and one for the two course challenge (10K + half). That’s 22.4 miles over three days. The 5K is optional, but why the fuck not? It’s a practice run for January.

Dopey kicks it up a notch - 5K, 10K, Half, Full Marathon - 6 medals - SIX! - one for each race, then the Goofy Challenge (half + full), and then the Dopey medal. None of the races are optional. That’s 48.6 miles over four days.

There is something wrong with me.

Speaking of things that are wrong with me…

I get lost in video games when I can’t get lost in my head. There’s too much noise in there right now as I start to approach being stable.

The mood swings are lessening. The depression is no longer such a heavy weight on my shoulders. (Still there, still affecting the day-to-day, but there is finally - FINALLY!!!!! - a light at the end of the tunnel. AND it’s not a train!)

All because we hired an AP person…. and now I don’t know what to do on the weekends.

But, anyhoo, all that to say, I’m addicted to the Sims 4 again. (I’m also oddly into watching speed builds on YouTube and I still can’t wrap my brain around how that’s a valid form of income…)

One of the Simmers uses two mods that I was really interested in and I decided to try them. (MC Command Centre and UI Cheats) Then I fell down the rabbit hole of custom content and other mods.

There is a bipolar mod. A BIPOLAR MOD.

And one that brings drugs into the Sims. You want to grow weed in your place? OK. You want to sell weed? MMDA? Coke? Heroin? Yup. All of it.

You can even make your sim an alcoholic / stoner / addict. It shows the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ of a chemically altered life.

Of course, I had to check that shit out.

So… I made a sim that highlighted the “best” parts of my mother:

Bipolar? Check

Smokes weed from time to time? Check

Constantly drunk? Check check

Yeah… that sim didn’t last too long before I cheated to get rid of the bipolar and and make them sober.

Plus, you know, I play to escape reality… not live it in a virtual world.

I haven’t looked too deeply into the 18+ mods and custom content because… I don’t know… they feel too dirty for the Sims. But if I were into that… my sims could be a prostitute, run a strip club, be a porn star, make sex tapes, and leave dildos and condoms all over the bedroom. Like seriously… if that’s your cup of tea, you’ll find everything you want and more.

Yeah… that’s not really for me.

It was kind of eye opening to see just how much content is out there, though. I’ve never been into mods and custom content, but I downloaded a bunch of “safe” things - just boring, vanilla, game play modifications.

I’ve got a bunch of things to do this weekend, so I’m going to end it here.

(Besides, there are cows and llamas and chickens to buy after I build my country house in Henford-on-Bagley!!!) MOOOOOOOOO!

(and holy shit - this entire post is textbook mania in a written form. whoops)

Link to this post   •   bipolar   •    •   completely random   •    •   running   •    •   so many fandoms  

Bork bork bork

July 02, 2021 :: 4:24 PM

just some adorable #otayuri because I can

Oh. My. Fuck.

Please, someone, make sure my tombstone reads “... and she went off into the sunset shouting, NO BETA! WE DIE LIKE MEN!

Life does not need to take direction from some stupid question asked by a stupid teenager on a stupid Facebook group.

Besides, didn’t I say I was the deadest of doves?

A few nights ago, I decided to do Camp NaNoWriMo, because why the fuck not? I’m not working weekends any more and torturing myself sounds like a perfectly good idea.

I set a lofty goal of 500 words during the month of July. Not a typo. 500 words. That’s a whopping 17 words a day.

Why such a low, totally achievable in one day goal?

Because. Ukrainian.

I am going to blog a minimum of 20 words a day in Ukrainian and NOT rely on Google Translate. I’m hoping that I can remember more words than I need to look up, but it’s already day two and I’m out of ideas.

Blogging. In Ukrainian.

Nope. This isn’t a bad idea in the slightest. (The fuck-it factor comes back to haunt me…)

There’s one teeny, tiny, little issue.

My current webhost HATES Cyrillic. For whatever reason, too much Ukrainian causes them to shut my site down. Some sort of protection against Russian bots, I guess.

Despite that, I decided that I would use a domain already set up on this host to blog from and use WordPress. I didn’t want to recreate the wheel, after all. Blogging in Ukrainian is going to be hard enough. No reason to drive myself crazier by needing a whole new blog.

I want to like WordPress. I really, really, do. Shit, I know the person who named it.

But I’ve been with ExpressionEngine since it was still pMachine… and now that it’s on version SIX(!!!) and FREE(!!!), I figured I would try to use EE instead of WP.

Well.

The EE install went bad. Terribly.

I had to update the PHP version and then this thingy wouldn’t work. I downgraded PHP and then that thingy wouldn’t work. The permissions wouldn’t stick.

It was a fucking nightmare.

I decided to go back to WP, because why not. A 1-step install. Even I couldn’t fuck that up.

NO BETA! WE DIE LIKE MEN!

I didn’t need to do a back up. How badly could I fuck up my site?

Badly, in fact.

So badly that I was in tears waiting for tech support to find a backup for me.

So. Yeah.

I ended up installing WP in the wrong directory.

Lost UGCU. Lost GA. Lost WAE.

I don’t even know how I took out Good Advices and With an E considering I installed WP in the UkieGirl directory…

WordPress overwrote my ExpressionEngine index.php file.

I uploaded the original one from the EE download folder.

I uploaded the one from Good Advices and fixed the one setting that I changed.

I uploaded the one from With an E.

*crickets*

They found a backup and GA came back to life. UkieGirl came back to life. With an E has never seen the light of day, but the test page loaded OK.

After that, I decided to move to a new webhost.

I did the 1-step WP install and began to hate life.

I still hate life, but there is no way in fuck that I am doing any of that again.

Link to this post   •   completely random   •    •   polyglot in training  

An apology isn’t worth shit

June 28, 2021 :: 8:31 PM

an apology isn’t worth shit if you don’t know what the fuck you’re apologising for, you asshole

I took my ugly mood the other day and obliterated a relationship it took me three drafts and over 100K words to build.

And I have no fucking idea how to put them back together.

Link to this post   •   completely random   •    •   so many fandoms  

The universe hates me.

June 23, 2021 :: 7:08 PM

How have you hurt me? Let me count the ways…

So… that was randomly fitting. Not amused that it showed up today, though.

Yesterday, I was talking to a coworker about a coworker that left. Former coworker once told me that I wasn’t as tough as I thought I was.

I never told him that the scar between my eyebrows is from a cigarette. I was five or six when my mother chose to use my forehead as an ashtray.

But. Yeah.

Just because I don’t talk about all those “that which doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger” moments, doesn’t mean I don’t have them.

Back to the scar through, because that was the trigger.

Current coworker said that he’d be willing to go back and fix his mistakes. I said I wouldn’t change a fucking thing.

When he asked why, I didn’t really have an answer.

I just wouldn’t.

All the shit I went through - the chance to fix things - to have my father live longer - all of it… nope. Wouldn’t change a goddamn thing.

(Which makes me question my mental health, but that’s nothing new.)

There’s no way I’d trade my scars for better ones

Yeah.

I had this dream last night about my mother. I NEVER dream about her. When I dream about family it’s always my father… and it’s always the nightmare of finding him dead in his apartment.

I can’t even remember all the details, but it was upsetting.

LIKE SUPER UPSETTING.

I am obviously not as tough as I think I am if that dream rocked my world… and not in a good way.

Other than the dad-mares, I’e never woken up crying before.

I was back to being young me, pre-divorce, pre-death…

I’ve been lost and I’ve been sinking / Broken, coming back together / I’ve been stalling, slipping, falling…

Fuck, dude. You have no idea.

She fucking broke me and I relieved some of her greatest hits (yup, I went there) last night.

It took moving out and her dying before I could finally start to heal.

I’ve been lost and I’ve been broken / Finally coming back together

I’ve never been suicidal, but I’ve gone to dark, dangerous, places. She sent me there. Often.

I don’t wanna be afraid of my thoughts / I don’t wanna be scared of my shadow

It’s taken a lot of work to put her behind me… but, of course, I’m not free of her. I doubt I’ll ever be.

The part that I always come back to, the part that I can’t shake, is who my mother was before she became a monster.

She graduated from UConn with a degree in something like Home Ec - child development or some such nonsense.

She was a social worker.

A perfect PTA mom.

Everybody looks for love where it’s not // Everybody wants to know they matter

I don’t think I was ever truly loved.

I don’t think I ever mattered.

The pull of the bottle was stronger than the pull of her only child.

Sooooooooooo…

I’m already in this stupid bad headspace because of the fucking dream and my iPhone decides to play this during my commute.

 

I better dream of fucking puppies and unicorns tonight.

Link to this post   •   completely random   •    •   music is life