And then it was twelve

April 29, 2013 :: 9:26 PM


still the best representation of my childhood :: manchester, ct :: 1978

I still vividly remember April 30th, 2001 like it was yesterday.

In many ways, it was.

But, it’s not.

It’s been twelve years… twelve long, painful, lonely years…

It doesn’t get easier, even though I know it should.

Time heals all wounds and shit like that.

Boot Camp

April 21, 2013 :: 2:13 PM

I haven’t wanted to talk about this… which sounds stupid, because it’s about a dog… but it’s a painful topic.

We finally “gave up” on Guinness and his relationship with the cat. It’s been a problem since he came home, but we’ve been putting it off. The separation anxiety was ridiculous, too. He was breaking out of his crate(s) and this was even a bigger problem than the cat aggression. We didn’t feel safe leaving the house. Who knew what he was capable of? Could he get upstairs and get the cat? Would he turn on Apache? Would he hurt himself on the crate trying to break out?

We finally decided on sending him back to his breeder for a few weeks of intensive training. They worked on cat aggression, they worked on the separation anxiety and they drilled obedience into him.

Then we brought him home.

He wasn’t our dog. Something was different about him. He became really aggressive toward Apache, to the point where J got really worried (I mean terribly anxious/depressed) that he’d hurt Apache. (It’s not out of the realm of possibility - Guinness has caught and killed a bird before.) After only four days of being at home, he went after Apache a fourth time and wound up being boarded that night.

I needed to rewatch the videos the videos they sent us and I didn’t like what I saw. Guinness looked broken, afraid. Definitely not our dog.

When I brought it up to the breeder, he went OFF on me. Blamed it on J’s behavior when he picked Guinney up. Said J needed to be medicated. All sorts of terrible things. To say I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle him would be an understatement.

Abso-fucking-lutely uncalled for.

We went there yesterday to pick him up.

We left him behind.

(I wonder what he thinks about us… I feel terrible.)

It was decided - after much clearing of the air - that they would bring Guinness to live with them, in their house, for the next few days. With cats and a dog who really hates cats who should spur Guinness into the bad behavior we’re seeing here at home.

He’s not a bad dog, and he has a lot of elements of both his parents in him (bonus of going back to the breeder - they KNOW what makes Guinnes tick better than anyone in the world. Probably even us.), which was a huge thing when it came to deciding on the best way to work with him.

The change in J’s anxiety level has been astonishing.

I know he won’t be perfect when he won’t be home, but I have hope that he’ll be close enough to the dog we know he can be…

But, holy shit, does it suck being apart from him for this long.

I… can’t… even

April 19, 2013 :: 8:40 PM


it’s been too long since david tennant has been on my blog

If you want the whole story, go watch the fucking news… IF (and that’s a big if (ha!)) they can figure out the fucking truth.

All I know today is that one of the owners of my company was basically locked in his apartment today due to this crazy bullshit.

To top it off, supposedly they found a bomb about 30 feet from where Mr. Bossman parked his car. Supposedly. That’s his story and that’s all I have to go on.

I am so over this shit.


There’s so much to talk about and so much I don’t want to talk about.

I think I’m going to listen to “Neverwhere” again. Or maybe I’ll start listening to “Cabin Pressure”... it feels like a radio show type of night. Plus, you know, Benedict Cumberbabe.

Second guessing

April 02, 2013 :: 10:07 PM

Over a month after my first interview, I received an email asking me to go back for a second interview… from the company with an office in the UK.

I’m trying to tell myself that I did the right thing by taking the local job instead of holding out hope for this other company, but it’s hard. Moving to the UK was such a concrete thing when I had a job. Now that I was forced to re-evaluate the timetable and all the other things, I’m questioning EVERYTHING.

I know it’s not healthy.

I know I’m fine at my new job.

I know I like it there.

I know I’ll be just fine there.

I know I’m being stupid.

But that doesn’t make it any easier.

(And seriously? Who waits for over a MONTH before they decide on the second round of interviews? It makes me feel like I wasn’t anywhere their top choices.)

I understand only train station

March 26, 2013 :: 9:17 PM


a little lestrade never hurt no one…

I’m officially the UCONN GIRL! at my new job.

I suppose that’s not any worse than being known as “New Hampshire!”...

It’s two days in to the new job, so I can’t say anything about it. Right now, it’s a job. A job that pays well. A job with people I like.

That’s good enough for me.


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