My brain is weird

Reflections on retirement and the ADA


November 24, 2024 :: 10:13 AM

I’m in that picture and I don’t like it.

My way cool, super sexy Logitech keyboard has a loose key and it is driving me nuts. Like seriously. It’s the comma key. Used for… commas and playing the Sims. Do you know how much I write?!? To have a comma key that bounces all over the place makes me want to hulk smash the damn thing.

Logitech also doesn’t sell spare parts (supposedly. I haven’t looked too hard), so if I can’t find what I need, I’m buying a new keyboard… this pisses me off so badly, you have no idea. I have a much, much, much older Logitech keyboard that I absolutely love. Love it so much that I had one purchased for me at the day job. This new one felt more Mac-like and since I live in two worlds - I go both ways - this was a perfect bridge. That bridge is falling down.

Let’s see… what else is new?

My buttermilk pancakes are AMAZING. I used to buy pints of buttermilk, but I wasn’t using it up before it went bad. (And do you know hard it is to find a pint of buttermilk? Cooking for one sucks!) I ended up searching the web and ended up buying some buttermilk powder that was recommended by America’s Test Kitchen.

OK. Enough stalling.

We have an employee who is disabled per the ADA guidelines. This employee is replacing one that is retiring (retired now). We were planning on terminating their employment because they were doing so poorly during training, but their disability made itself known at work and we weren’t sure what to do. It’s not a potion where we could work around any attendance issues caused by this disability - it’s a department of one and usually very busy. The company I work for is deadline driven, so if there isn’t someone at that position, everyone else has to chip in to cover and it leads to a host of problems.

Lucky for them, I am both HR and an expert on the ADA. That’s what happens when you get fired in direct response for asking for a reasonable accommodation. And it was reasonable. The fact that they then decided to throw all kinds of performance issues at me - without a single discussion - and send me to their shrink… yeah. I had a very good case against them and still decided it wasn’t worth trying to sue.

Anyhoo. We’re not big enough to have to abide by the ADA, FL is an at-will state, and we have documented meetings where we actually have pointed out the performance issues and the continued absences. So termination it was, but we gave them two more weeks to prove themselves. They spent one of those weeks in the hospital, as a no-call, no show so we had another justifiable reason to term.

When they got back from the hospital, the owner pulled them in and had a chat. Then I got pulled in for the update… somehow during that discussion, I talked about the Cats and how I got fired. How I job hop because I either get fired for being bipolar or I quit when I can’t keep it under control. (I also find really shitty jobs and / or bosses which help trigger a manic cycle…) He point blank told me that he thought for sure I was going to tell him I was leaving when I told him about the divorce.

My dumb ass said yes, I am moving, but I don’t have a timeline yet. (Liar, liar, pants on fire…)

Dude, the look on his face - we’ve had someone retire, we’re probably going to fire their replacement, and someone else wants to go to part-time. There’s a rumor that someone is moving to Puerto Rico to live near family because they don’t feel safe in the States anymore. We’re twelve people - that’s a lot of loss in two months. For a place that never had any turnover. Of course, people age out and nobody really thought that Trump would win a second term…

I told him I wanted to stay on, remotely, and he looked so relieved. He offered to hire someone that could support me if I needed someone in Florida. I then continued to blab on and on about how he’s the best boss I’ve ever had and how hard it is to want to move home when I just found my forever job… but I need to move home. I can’t continue to live in FL.

So, then we had the retirement party.

Jesus motherfucking crispy Christ on a fucking cracker.

All my emotions came pouring out - we really are such a tightly knit family and it really sucks to leave that behind (even if I work remotely, I won’t be physically based in FL). I know I don’t belong here, but I belong there. Some of my friends think that I should leave now and not look back and the other half think that because I’m agonizing over this decision that I’m not ready to move home. That second half is wrong. SO. VERY. WRONG. I just can’t figure out the timing yet. I just can’t walk away from the best boss I’ve ever had.

I’m spending today working on the layout of my business website. I’ve been looking at some books I bought on WordPress, and the more I read the more I hate the idea of using it. I just can’t wrap my head around how it works. ExpressionEngine is so much easier and now that it’s on version 7, a little better on the back end, too.

OK… I should probably get going. That code’s not going to write itself. *sigh*

Adventures in cooking


November 16, 2024 :: 7:47 PM

Well… Millinocket is closer to really good college hockey, but Presque Isle is more fun to say

That’s probably not the best way to make a decision on where I’m moving to, but fuck it.

I’m watching UMaine vs Boston University right now on ESPN+. I’d rather be at Alfond Pond, seeing it in person. *sigh*

I got to see BU play Maine in Maine almost a decade ago and it was an experience. You know me… nothing says Wendell Gee like arguing with the ex about the semantics of going down (on someone) just as a bunch of college hockey players walk onto the elevator.

Yup.

Hey, they got a good chuckle out of it.

Speaking of chuckling, I’m loving listening to the announcer say “Bangor”. It’s pronounced Bang-or (more or less) but dad always pronounced it like Bang-ah and I do, too. Either that or Bang-her. (Banger? I hardly knew her!)

And… we’re finally where this entry was supposed to start: My dad.

Good old Chuck. He tried. He tried so hard - and failed consistently - to cook my entire life.

Exhibit #1: Super Duper Eggs

My success in the kitchen has mostly been limited to things I can bake. Baking is easy - you pop a bunch of flour and some shit into a hot box and let it sit until it tells you it’s done.

I grew up cooking on a gas stove. I am front row on the struggle bus when it comes to judging temp on the cooktop. For example, I watched my potato sit on a black piece of glass for 20 minutes before the water decided to start boiling. I never once saw that thing turn red. (But, surprise! A watched pot will boil. Eventually.) You throw a pot on a burner with an open flame under it and you can tell that your food is cooking. You know how you can tell?

THERE IS A FUCKING VISIBLE HEAT SOURCE.

But I digress.

I’ve been living off recipes from America’s Test Kitchen. Mostly the Cooking for One cookbook this week, but I’ve spent a lot of time with the Cooking for Two cookbook in the past. (ATK seems write the only recipes that I cannot fuck up.)

This one is the best thing I’ve made so far. BY FAR. (Chicken Lettuce Wraps with Hoisin Barbecue Sauce for One)

Because. Dude.

I made edible rice.

EDIBLE RICE.

Now, my dad had this hatred of rice. He never ate it unless it was fried with pork, and even then, he didn’t eat a lot of it. If I thought I had weird food issues, white rice triggered my father’s PTSD. (Rice paddies in VietNam, I guess. He never talked much about the war.)

I’ve heard that it’s impossible for someone like me to make rice successfully.

I didn’t even have a lid for my small saucepan, so I was positive that this was going to be an unmitigated disaster. Proof that, despite the five months of practice I’ve had, the lack of cooking skill in the Gee DNA is real.

Well.

Thursday night, I made this chicken dish but I opted to eat it in flour tortillas. I couldn’t justify a head of lettuce for this, but I had the tortillas on hand.

BECAUSE I MADE TACOS!

Wait… let’s finish the chicken story. Yes, the chicken. We must finish the chicken.

So. Tortillas. I wasn’t brave enough for the rice. Not when I had a banger (HA!) of a headache. It was good. Edible.

Decent enough so that I used the other half of the chicken to make the same exact thing last night.

But I tried to make rice for it to sit on.

No. Not tried.

SUCCEEDED.

I made that rice like I was Jamie Fucking Oliver.

No. Wait.

It was better. (Granted, it was just white rice, but… I bet Uncle Roger would have approved.)

Context:

I guess there’s hope for me after all.

I also guess I owe you the taco story.

My dad once made this Super Bowl Chili with ground beef that was a day past the sell by date.

We both got food poisoning so bad that I’m surprised we survived it. After that experience, I swore off eating ground beef unless I purchased it that day.

But, dude I have been CRAVING tacos. Mostly because I can’t have them.

I can’t buy the ground beef in the store because it’s sold in pounds and I refuse to save the leftover beef for another day. I need about a half pound, and I’ve always been afraid to ask the butcher to cut the package in half. (Not that I can even find someone working at 7AM on Sunday morning, but I digress.)

Well, there was someone working there last Sunday… and I got my meat.

Then there was the matter of finding the smallest amount of taco shells because who knows if I’ll ever be able to get ground beef again.

I ended up getting a dinner kit with six hard and six soft taco shells. I had the tortillas left over, so… chicken!

Speaking of chicken, I need to do some meal planning so…

*poke* *poke*


November 09, 2024 :: 3:54 PM

wands up…

OK.

That only took three tries and a panicked email to an EE developer I know… but I finally managed to upgrade the backend of my little blog. Finally.

So…

Detroit.

That was a trip and a half. So glad I went!

For as much fun as I had, there were a lot of bad things, but let’s start with the good:

Shannon picking me up and giving me Faygo pop (It’s a Detroit thing.) and promising to leave both my kidneys. It is fun to get picked up at the airport by internet strangers!!!

Going to the Red Wings game with Heather. The Wings lost and it was a shit game, but I was pleased to see a lot of familiar names on the Rangers’ roster. It was nice to be at a pro hockey game again. I am finally healing. Not healed, it will still be a long time for that, but healing…

THE SPIRITED FISTING WALKING TOUR!!! There’s a very famous statue called the Spirit of Detroit and a random statue of a fist. So… yeah. A bunch of us got bored and went on a trek so that we could get fisted. (God, even my pocket friends are weird!)

I ended up walking the 1 mile and 5K with Heather. It was nice to have the company, but the walk itself was odd. Instead of combining both races, like they’ve done at every one 1/5 I’ve gone to, you had to do each race SEPARATELY. Two bibs and about two minutes to change them out, if you were as slow as we were. It was nice, though. I can’t remember the last time I did a race with a friend.

The half marathon was the best experience of my entire racing career. It was cold as fuck that morning and walking up the Ambassador Bridge will forever live on in my nightmares. I’m kind of disappointed I didn’t get pulled over by the Border Patrols, because that would have made it even better. The sunrise over Detroit, the views from the bridge, doing the world’s only underwater mile… it was definitely a once in a lifetime experience.

Then, like idiots, we went on a ghost tour. Because after doing a half (or in one case, a full) marathon, the one thing we should do is go on a walking ghost tour. It was horrible. Absolutely fucking horrible. I’ve been thinking about sending a review myself. The girl didn’t know any of the good stories and it was… you know it’s bad when the highlight of the entire tour is a ghost cow. (Don’t ask.)

As for the bad (?): I cried as we approached Detroit. Like I didn’t even know how badly I missed the fall foliage until I saw it.

I was so energized by the cold that it was sort of terrifying. I know I miss the cold, but I didn’t realize I missed it that much.

I didn’t wake up with a barometric pressure induced headache the entire time I was there. Not a single headache all weekend, which is really rare for me during Hurricane Season.

I had the uber driver from hell. He asked how much the trip cost me (a 5AM trip to the airport) and I stupidly told him $80. HE BITCHED THE ENTIRE TRIP THAT HE WASN’T GETTING PAID ENOUGH. Like, dude, that is not my fucking problem. I tipped him too well - and got charged twice for the damn thing - and decided, yeah, never taking an uber again. Once was enough.

And… not only was I miserable to get off the plane in Fort Lauderdale, MY CAR BATTERY DIED. I waited three hours for AAA to get there and replace it. The guy was great, though. We had a really inappropriate conversation (Titties and a stick shift? I LOVE YOU!), but the test he did on the battery answered a lot of questions I’d been having. I’m due for an oil change, and was going to wait until then. But, my luck is shit.

I didn’t have much company during the half, so I spent probably ten miles of it deep in my head.

I decided that I was moving sooner rather than later, but now that I’m back in my shitty Florida life, I’m not sure I can speed run the move home. There’s absolutely no reason to stay, but I’m also very loyal to my boss. The man is a saint and I don’t want to hurt him. I can probably manage my job remotely, but I don’t even want to say that to him yet. There’s stuff and things going on at the day job and I’m not sure the timing is right for my exit. My lease is up on 6/25 so I have some time to think about it.

Oh well, like I told my shrinky dink, I need to break the cycle of staying in Florida for men who treat me well. But it’s not that easy and it’s causing me a lot of mental turmoil. She thinks I should leave now, but… She also thinks I should move back to New Hampshire or Connecticut, but Maine is calling my name. And, yeah, I am looking at Presque Isle which is about as far north as I can get. Which would mean I’m “isolated” again and working remotely won’t make the “loneliness” better. But she doesn’t understand. I like being “isolated” and I’m not lonely. The big thing she’s missing is that Presque Isle is only like 6 hours from Boston. Will it suck to still be a decent distance from my friends? Yes. But I’d rather be a car ride away than have to deal with airports and that stupidity.

I don’t know. I still have a lot to think about and a ticket to Epic Universe on Labor Day. So, maybe I wait until the fall to move home - it depends on my lease. If I have to renew it for a year, I will, but I won’t be happy about it. I don’t like renting and I definitely don’t like this place. I’d rather see if I can do a six month lease.

I don’t know. There’s too much going on right now and I just need to take a step back and breathe.

Trump won the election. Four more years of hell on earth and that’s all I’m going to say on that.

Not again…


October 12, 2024 :: 7:55 PM

I aspire to this level of greatness

Can I tell you something?

I don’t have to buy two of everything any more!!!!

Want to see Matt Nathanson? Want to fly home and go to a Bruins game? Want to sit FIRST FUCKING CLASS?

When you are budgeting-obsessed and you realise that your budget is still built for two, and a mortgage, and a car loan… holy shit.

Once I revamped my budget to truly express my financial situation… wow.

For example, I’m going to Detroit to run the Freep International Half Marathon (traveling alone because someone didn’t want to go to Detroit.*ahem*). The airline offered me an upgrade to first class. It was just expensive enough that if I had to pay for two seat upgrades, there’d be no way. HOWEVER, since I only needed to purchase one? (Garçon, fetch me my Grey Poupon!)

Or, how about my trip home? I decided to take a little bit of my fuck you money and go home for my birthday. I have a very broad definition of home, so I’m flying in and out of Boston, going to Albany for two days, headed to Maine for two days, and watching a Bruins game. (We’ll talk about the B’s game in a moment.) When I decided I was going to get my live hockey on, I scoured the nosebleed seats trying to find a decent view at a price I was willing to pay - for two tickets. I only need to buy one, so I dropped what I would have spent on two completely shitty seats on one really nice one.

Or, I love Matt Nathanson, right? I would have had to buy two VIP packages to at least one show. (He’s playing in Fort Lauderdale and Orlando.) I bought two VIP packages any way - one for FTL and one for Orlando.

I FUCKING LOVE BEING COMPLETELY SELFISH.

Or, am I just enjoying the single life? I’ve spent so long trying to afford to keep us both happy with material possessions and experiences… I mean, I got a new car, he had to get a new car. Matching Mini Coopers, matching Jettas, matching Subarus (twice). It gets old. Vacations - needing to buy two plane tickets, having to plan a trip that makes sense and doesn’t have us ping-ponging all over New England for five days. (What? I can do what I want. He’s not the boss of me anymore.)

I’m really loving the freedom of it all.

That’s all.

So. About that Bruins game.

I’ve been avoiding the things that make me homesick for seven years. I’ve been avoiding all things hockey for six (to the best of my ability, of course).

Now that I know I’m heading home?

I’m embracing everything again.

Having an exit strategy is so freeing.

Where was I?

Boston. Hockey.

Focus.

I have decided that this is the year I go full-bore back into my hockey obsession.

Bruins? Of course.

College hockey? Oh, definitely.

UMaine season tickets are something I’m considering now that I’ve kind of zeroed in on a geographical area, and of course, I can’t forget my Huskies. UConn, not Northeastern.

Going to a hockey game is vastly different from watching one on TV. Duh.

And it is a pleasure that has been in lock-step with the worst pain of my life for so long.

Well, I’m ripping off the fucking band-aid.

I don’t have cable anymore, so I can watch whatever I want whenever I want and I don’t have to worry about stumbling on the Cats games / coverage / etc.

God bless ESPN+.

Now, if only those greedy fuckers at NESN would un-geo-lock their programming.

I will pay you fuckers for a year of Boston sports coverage.

Gladly.

Um… hi!

Tell me you’re in a manic cycle without telling me you’re in a manic cycle?

Yeah… it might be time to step away from the computer.

OK. I love you! Bye-bye!

It’s been a minute


August 31, 2024 :: 1:59 PM

Either potatoes or wicked cold…

I still haven’t updated the back end of this little blog (build date 20130506) so uploading photos and writing entries has been much more difficult than I have patience for.

While I’ve been disappeared, I’ve been busy. Just not doing very exciting things.

I moved into my own place in early June and it has been fucking wonderful. I love being alone - I forgot how amazing it is. (What? I’m an only child. I’ve lived with someone for 26 years. That’s a lot of… living with someone. And, yes, I know that I lived with my parents, but those were my parents. It wasn’t like I had much choice.)

The job from hell is still the job from hell, but my sales tax consultants filed July’s taxes with few headaches. I also found a company to build me “Wendell’s Way Cool Sales Tax Calculator”. All I need to do is upload the shipments / drop manifests and the program spits out the three reports I use. This is very exciting for several reasons, most of all the amount of time it has been saving me.

I’ve been unable to close a month since I closed March. I just did April. I’m starting May as soon as I get August’s sales tax file over to the consultants. That’s so pathetic, but this sales tax thing has been all consuming for months now. At least the owner has been patient with me. I actually got a lecture about pushing myself so hard. As a result, I was talked into taking a four day weekend.

I spent most of yesterday doing absolutely nothing, but I did get a run in.

I’ve dialed in my run/walk ratio and for a 5K, I’m a consistent 16/16:30 minute mile. That’s Disney safe, but I need to make sure it’s sustainable for 13 miles. I’ve got two half marathons coming up that have strict time limits… one of them is my very last Disney race. Yeah, I’m hanging up the running shoes, at least as far as Disney is concerned. It’s too expensive and I’ve not enjoyed my trips to the House of Mouse. I’m a Uni girl through and through.

I was going to go for a run this afternoon, but now that I’m ready to leave, a peek out the window is telling me that it would appear that rain is imminent. Whatever. I still have two days to try and get a long run in. I’ll probably go tomorrow morning.

Today, I’ve spent working on a business plan and laying the groundwork to start my own business.  For years I’ve been thinking about hanging up my shingle and running an accounting company. (Well, I’m not a CPA so I can’t advertise being an “accounting” company in the state of FL, so it will have to be bookkeeping. Which I’m fine with.)

The only thing about this that bothers me is that everyone I’ve asked is telling me that my name sucks. It’s not serious enough. It’s confusing. As a result, I’m going with my second choice, but meh. I figure once I get established as a ‘serious’ company, I can change to that name. It’s fine. I locked down the domain name, a Facebook page, and an instagram handle. I need to grab a Facebook page for name number two, but I already have the domain and two that are very similar. The major, major issue with the second choice is that there is a “kinky bisexual” couple that show up as the #1 hit on google. (How kinky? They have an OnlyFans site. Fuck me. Or maybe don’t. I don’t know anymore.)

Aaaaaaand, here comes the rain.

Anyhoo, I’ve found a virtual office because 1) I’m not using my home address and 2) I can’t use my apartment as my business location. It will violate the terms of my lease. I still need to find a phone service because I’m not giving out my personal number. I’m leaning towards RingCentral because I can get multiple phone numbers and I’m thinking that I’ll need a Florida and a Maine number at some point. I’m going to work on pricing and the types of work that I want to do this weekend. Maybe later tonight. I don’t know. If not, it’s something I can easily do on Monday or even at lunch during the work day.

So, yeah, things are rocking and rolling. I’ve planned on launching the business by October 1st, so I have to get cracking with the administration bits and the certifications I want to hold. I figure if I can make X my first year, and scale it to Y in the second, I’ll be able to sustain myself enough to move home and not need to work for someone else. I think it’s highly possible to do that AND work full time, but we’ll see. I’d rather get stuck in FL for a third year while building up the business, but I’m ready to get out of here NOW. It’s a struggle.

Tomorrow’s agenda includes making an apple coffee cake, going for a run and doing some card making / organizing my supplies. I already did a lot of shopping because some of my ink pads died and I can’t get refills (the company went out of business). I’m planning on opening an Etsy store, too. Of course, that has to be done under a different name and a different business license in FL. OF COURSE.  Fuckers. (Again, I’m not using any of my personal information for this and I’m calling the bookkeeping company a BOOKKEEPING company and registering it as an LLC, so I couldn’t mix the two if I wanted to.) *sigh*

That still leaves me Monday. I have no idea what I’m going to do with myself. I’m already bored and trying to climb the walls.

Although… that could be chalked up to the QB Online certification I’m working on.

Whatever.

I’m alive and thriving right now. I feel the best I have in a long time.

And I’m moving home.

I can’t ask for anything more.

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