music is life

I may have bitten off more than I can chew

October 30, 2013 :: 10:45 AM

Charlie Burgess from Black Mountain Symphony - acoustic performance of “Shipwreck”

THIS is why i drive to albany (and other places) as much as i do.


NaNo starts on Friday, and I have a very busy weekend so it’s not going to get off to a great start.

I think the Zodiac storyline is going to be difficult to pull off and maybe I should stick to the 30 Day OTP Challenge. I’m so frustrated by my indecision that it’s disgusting. I haven’t done a thing to prep more for the Zodiac fic other than doing some quick one shots and 221Bs to get back in the habit of writing Johnlock. ARGH!


In other news, I have two interviews tomorrow, Frankenstein (staring Benedict Cumberbatch!!!!!!!) that night, BU hockey on Friday, and Black Mountain Symphony on Saturday. PLUS another interview on Monday.

(When it rains it pours, but I’m not complaining.)


The title of the last entry (“I write because I don’t know what else to do with myself”) came from a diary entry I wrote during a very bad time. If you couldn’t tell, I write kind of balls out when I get all deep and personal. It’s worse when I write offline because I know no one will ever see that.

I love that line so much that I can’t even… It’s so true.


Off to go look for more jobs. And do laundry. And proofread “PARIS”. And research the two companies I’m interviewing with tomorrow.

I don’t think my life could get more exciting.

Good Friday

October 08, 2013 :: 11:11 AM

in boston, we get signs on the mbta station ceilings that say ‘stay off the ceiling’...

On Friday, I did four states in one day.

Ah, running away from my shitty life never felt so good.

To start the day off on the right foot, I did lunch with a high school friend, only to learn that we are way more alike than I ever would have guessed. There’s very little, personality wise, that we differ on. It was actually quite scary. I’ve honestly never felt like I had anyone who understands me as well as she does. (Of course, instead of wanting to lean on her, it makes me want to stay away… Borderline personality at it’s finest?)

We talked, too, about the high school reunion that we both skipped. She skipped because she can see everyone she wanted to one-on-one. I skipped because I simply hated high school.

In a completely random moment that I’ve been replaying ever since, she said that she knew I hated high school. She said it was obvious.

Mind. Blown.

Then, while we were at lunch, I made the mistake of checking my email. (While she was in the bathroom! I’m not a complete asshole, but being in the middle of a job search I didn’t want to ignore my email.)

I didn’t get the job I really wanted and I was informed that I was no longer eligible for unemployment benefits.

Thankfully, after I dropped her off, I had time to call unemployment and find out what was going on… paperwork mistake on their side.

Too bad I didn’t get as lucky with the job…

After lunch, it was onwards to visit with my favorite little brother and my favorite kid.

The sweater fit L. IT FIT HIM.

Hot damn, I actually got in done in time. He looked adorable in it, too.

We built a rocket ship out of a box and scotch tape. I amazed myself by having a very good time with him. (Remember, I don’t like kids as a general rule… I’ve made a special effort to get over that for J because I know how important family is to him. If I want to continue calling him my little brother, I should act like a big sister… and that means accepting his wife and kid. Especially the kid. I like T - we got off to a rough start, but we’ve started to bond.)

It’s funny - I’ve been rearranging my trips to CT lately so I can spend time with them - and it’s never enough. Some days, I feel like I could move in with them and I still wouldn’t have enough time.

I’ve finally come to the realization that I need my family. (“Family don’t end with blood, boy” - name the show that came from for extra special bonus points!)

Yeah, it’s small, and a little dysfunctional, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Speaking of family, after I left J’s house, I headed to VT to see Black Mountain Symphony.

What a weird night.

It was like I was member #7:
First, they asked me to help with the sound check (walk around and make sure the mix was good) which completely cracked me up. You know I’ve been to too many shows when they can trust me to tell them if the sound is good.

(It reminded me of when Ben flipped out after an instrument show because I pulled a face during one of their songs. He insisted on knowing what went wrong. I think his exact words were something like, “No one knows us as well as you do, so tell me what the fuck happened.” Nothing happened. I didn’t remember making a face. I didn’t remember anything being out of the ordinary. He didn’t believe me…)

Then, Orion asked me to get him a beer… Normally, I’m not the beer bitch, but none of the girlfriends were there, so I guess it did fall to me.  (Taking advantage? Helping out? Six of one, half dozen of the other? I didn’t care - I needed the distraction of flirting with the bartender.)

One of Annie’s friends showed up, so I hung out with her and her girlfriend… The friend (J2) bought me a Coke because I don’t drink, but when she saw me with a beer in my hand, she gave me this LOOK. When I told her it was for Orion, she was OK. It amused me to no end.

These kids are out to corrupt me - between being told that I’d be more fun if I got high and filling my recycle bin with beer cans and booze bottles, it’s obvious they’re a terrible influence on me. *grin*

After the show, this woman climbed Bill like a tree (climbed up on a chair and everything) to give him a hug. It was hilarious. I’ve never seen anything like it.

J2 and I talked for a little bit about how they’ve become my family. After 4 years, they really have. I love them, and I’d do just about anything for any of them. (Except get high. I’m not sure they’d get the anticipated results. Plus, prescription drugs and illegal drugs generally don’t tend to mix well.)

There were a couple of odd moments throughout the entire day that I can’t/won’t blog about… but they certainly made my day. 

Every once in a while, I need those reminders that I’m important to more people than just the Hubby of Wonder.

Every once in a while, I need to be surrounded with people who really know me.

Every once in a while, I need to be surrounded by good music and good friends.

Every once in a while, I get it all in one day…

A man and his guitar

September 02, 2013 :: 7:25 PM

we’ve come a long way since he called me a groupie

I’m still not ready to blog about Annie’s wedding, but this is probably my favorite picture from the entire night…

I love all of my Albany family, but I may have a special spot in my heart for those that sang the Indiana Jones theme song every time they saw me in a stolen fedora.

SMERFs and Leslie’s Poo

August 09, 2013 :: 9:26 PM

poster designers are assholes

Now that I’ve gotten over the panic of finding a new job, and actually BEING at the new job, life is pretty damn good.

Here’s some quick snippets of life at the hotel / motel / Holiday Inn…

My official title is Assistant Corporate Controller, but when I write it down, I almost always write it as “Ass Controller.” I don’t know why I insist on forgetting that damn T every time, but I do.

One of our vendors, Leslie’s Poolmart, is in our software as Leslie’s Poo.

We had a reservation for a group listed as “New Englind Executive Ass”. I have no idea what they do, but I fucking LOVE the name. (Let’s just ignore the fact that the brain trust who booked the group in the system can’t spell New England.)

(Yeah… I’m 12 years old and laughing at ass and poop jokes.)

It is expensive to replace elevators. I mean, I know they’re not cheap - this is actually the second company I’ve worked for that’s installed new elevators - but it’s shocking when you have to write a check for six figures, which is only 40% of the total cost.

It’s also crazy expensive to be a franchisee of a brand name chain. The amount they charge us for the use of their name, among other brand specific things, is ridiculous.

SMERFs are a real thing! It’d be cooler if they were little blue creatures who live in mushrooms, but SMERFs are SMERFs.

I’m learning all kinds of exciting new things. The hospitality industry is like a gazillion different types of fascinating. So much goes into running a hotel that it’s insane… besides the meth lab in our HQ, I’ve heard stories of thieving housekeepers, domestic disturbances, trashed hotel rooms, shady front desk staff. Not necessarily at any of our hotels, but we did have a trashed room during my first or second week. That was pretty cool. OH! And the room next to ours? A car drove into it. Right through the fucking wall. (Long before I started, but that had to have been interesting.)

So yeah… now that life is calm, the bipolar is hibernating, and I’m generally feeling pretty damn chipper… I’m happy there and I can see myself there for a long time.

It took long enough.

It didn’t hurt that I got to see Black Mountain Symphony on Saturday, in Weedstock either. That was huge in putting my world right, as it always is.

Oh - let’s discuss the show, shall we?

I don’t know why, but Mike got the idea that he wanted to see me high. Like I’d be even more fun to be around. As if that were even possible!

That led to a confession to Rollz, that the closest I got I ever got to even thinking about getting high was when they were here on one of their road trips and it was me and him outside. I don’t know why I finally came clean. There’s just something about him… I even thanked him AGAIN for reading “Scott and Kate” and pushing me in the direction of reaching out to the Duke of Stud.

Someone once asked me if I had a thing for Rollz, and it’s not like that. He’s a nice guy, and there is a connection, but no. Just. No. There’s a lot to love about him (at least the bits I’ve been privvy to), but yeah. I’ll pass. I’m too old for that kind of shit.

Besides, if I’m going to waste my time worrying about a relationship that isn’t going to happen, I’m going to focus on Johnlock. (From the description of a fan fic I’ve bookmarked to read later: “because god dam in a row boat that man has the most delicious arse I have ever seen.” Come on! That’s so much better than worrying about whether or not I’m going to get it on with someone ten years younger than me who has a girlfriend. By the way, I am TOTALLY fucking stealing god dam in a row boat. That’s awesome.)

Speaking of relationships, “THIS WEEK: HARTFORD!!” (Part one of my Cabin Pressure ‘trilogy’ - which finally has a name!) is really, truly, almost ready for another round of editing. I did a little bit of a rewrite. OK. I did a LOT of a rewrite. This is a bigger bitch than writing a Sherlock case fic (and THAT is a right bitch, my friends). I wish I knew what drove me to write fan fic for Cabin Pressure. *sigh*

And on that note, I need to prep for GISHWHES. Misha changed things up and it starts on Sunday. (Instead of November…) SUNDAY! I’m not ready for that level of insanity. Wish me luck!!!

Manic much?

August 03, 2013 :: 11:04 AM

and people wonder why johnlock is a thing

Rereading my last few entries has led me to believe that I REALLY shouldn’t blog when I’m manic.

I normally write somewhat terribly here (compared to my fan fic, work, etc.), but wow.

I fucked up loose/lose and that’s one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. And that whole thing about my Subie?

What. The. Fuck.

I would never, normally, call my Subaru a Subie. It’s a Bubaru. Always has been since the woman fucked up saying ‘Subaru’ during my very first Subaru’s very first oil change. Always will be.

For a car that survived high school, college, and the move to Ohio (so what, 10 years?), we saw a lot of things, lived through even more, and THAT’S still one of my top ten memories.

That says a lot, doesn’t it?


Any way… calmer emotions, a quieter head, today.

It’s good - I need to recharge before heading to NY tonight. Annie will be crushed. I’m staying with her brother and his girlfriend, but C offered first and I’m looking forward to getting to know her a little better.

I’ve needed the release of a good night, with good music, and better people in a while. This show couldn’t have come at a better time. I don’t care that we’re going back to NY in two weeks for Annie’s wedding… I NEED to be in upstate tonight like I need to breathe air.


Feeling better about work. It kind of ebbs and flows. I’m worried I’ve made the wrong choice still, and I know that’s my stupidity. I’m perfectly capable of doing this job. They love me. There are things I want to do there to really make everyone’s life easier. Month end’s not rocket science…

I know this is residual from the last job that didn’t work out because weeks 3 and 4 were when all hell broke loose then. Week three was not a good week (mania…), but that’s not directly job related so I think I’m OK.

Besides, if anything, the perks make it more tolerable than most jobs I’ve held. Free lunches every day and I’ll never pay more than $59 for a hotel room as long as it’s within our parent brand’s properties. (And they own some VERY NICE brands that I would never stay at because of the pricing.)

OK. I should go pack…

Here’s to good friends, good music, and a good time in Weedstock!

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