I needed a little gingerbatch

June 03, 2013 :: 9:46 PM


what a beautiful man… seriously.

I’ve felt ‘off’ all day.

I’ve always called it ‘sick’ when I’m dealing with people who don’t get what a deep, dark, black pit of despair real depression is… I still struggle with telling people what’s wrong with me. Hell, I struggled with telling J the truth tonight about a few things. (None of which belong here… I do keep some things private.) So, I fall back on “I don’t feel well” or “I dunno. Guess I’m just tired.”

It’s hard to look for a job when the voices in your head are telling you you’re completely worthless and that you’ll never find another job.

So imagine my surprise when I came home to this in my Facebook messages:  You are intelligent and have an awesome command of the English language.

Thank you, R2D2.

I am a “rabbit of negative euphoria”

June 02, 2013 :: 7:23 PM


countdown to twelve begins… now

It took me forever to get into Eleven, and once I started to love him… *poof* Two more episodes and it’s time for a new regeneration.

So much for being on series 8. So much for being under contract thru 2014.

I’m loving all the guessing as to who will become Twelve but the Cumberbabe should not even be considered.


I don’t care that Moftiss work(s?) on Who. The ‘babe belongs on Sherlock, and for more than just series three.

Kind of related:

My friend has been living under a rock for the past few years and is just now finally watching the Harry Potter movies. (He’s read the books, at least, so that’s something…) I kind of like his FB statuses about seeing the movies for the first time. It reminds me of getting into Doctor Who, and Sherlock, The Hunger Games and, well, basically every fandom I’m a part of on tumblr. Watching the new kids join Teh Crazy, becoming one of the new kids… It’s a rite of passage almost and I’m glad I’m a part of it. I mean,  it’s kind of awesome, really. I suppose it’s what parents feel when they watch their kids exploring the world for the first time. 

Instead of prepping for tomorrow’s phone screen, I’m writing fan fic. Cabin Pressure this time.

What can I say? I’ve decided I like playing in other people’s sandboxes.

Here’s to good friends

June 01, 2013 :: 4:15 PM


there are so many good things about this picture, i can’t even…

Went out to lunch today with Silent P.

I can’t remember the last time I braved Portsmouth during tourist season, but it wasn’t too bad today.

We went to the Gas Light and - once again - they proved my theory that I’ve only ever crossed paths with one chef who can cook a burger to order. It’s not rocket science. I can’t cook, but if I did, I’m sure I could figure it out. I’m a whiz at baking and baking is harder, so therefore, poking a burger to make sure it matches the “fist test” can’t be that hard.

Actually, the guy that taught me the fist test just happens to be the only one that can cook a burger…



After we ate, we walked around the city. I forget how beautiful it can be around there. It’s like Boston, but smaller. Much easier to trip over the tourists.

We bonded over the weirdest things. He really is a kindred spirit in so many ways.

I’m bummed I left the Muchachos because it means I don’t get to see him too often, but I’m glad he wants to continue the friendship outside of the corps.

Rebuilding a life is hard - especially when you’re the one who nuked it - but it is possible.

Thanks for reminding me of that, Silent P.


What is WRONG with people these days?!?

May 29, 2013 :: 4:23 PM


mmmmm… benedork cucumberpatch

OK… this one is all R2D2’s fault. (Yeah, it’s growing on me.)

I *should* be researching/prepping for my two interviews tomorrow. But instead, I’m reading copious amounts of “Cabin Pressure” fan fic. (Research!!! Honest.)

R2’s reaction to proofreading my Johnlock fan fic has really brought on a huge happy which is diminishing the fear of making a bad job mistake:
I will be honest I haven’t finished it, but I think you are fooling yourself. You have the enthusiasm, more than I do that’s for certain, and the chops, you just need a little refining, and maybe a little more focus. Just constructive criticism. If writing is your passion, (which from what I read it clearly is) then what the eff are you waiting for? An invitation? Nobody’s going to give you one. In this business you have to go out and take it.

The problem with reading CP fan fic is that Martin’s character is such a sad sack that it’s really hard to make him even more pathetic. However, head canon within the fandom is FULL of different versions of Martin!Whump (those two words can be combined in any order, I guess, but at the end of the day, whump is whump). I guess he needs a ridiculous amount of whump in his life to make Marlas so believable? I don’t know… I’m having the same problems with Marlas as I do with certain versions of Johnlock head canon. But even Marthur drives me up the wall.  I get that Martin needs to be rescued - from himself, from life in general - but there’s no need to take such a pathetic person and have to give him such an appalling back story, no matter who comes to rescue him.

The other thing that REALLY bothers me is Cabinlock (Sherlock/Cabin Pressure). Honestly, I can handle the thought of wincest better than I can handle thinking about Cabinlock. The idea of Martin (gingerbatch) getting it on with Sherlock (brunettebatch) is… what was the word I used earlier? Squitchy. Yeah. Squitchy times a billion infinities.

I guess since the muse gave me a great idea in the shower this morning, I’m going to start writing it… but I’m going to have to charge off in my own direction again. Sometimes, I’m a little surprised by my fellow fans, and I really didn’t think there was anything left that could surprise me…

The writing bug

May 27, 2013 :: 3:46 PM


sometimes, the jokes write themselves

If he’s not the most adorkable thing you’ve ever seen, then I don’t know if we can be friends.


I reread my Johnlock fan fic this morning, and I still really like it. That’s a first. Normally, after a NaNo, I’ll try to pick the story up so I can end it. I cringe at every single word in those 50K monsters. Every. Single. Word. Sometimes, I like the general idea of the story and I’ll try to rewrite it, but… Anne Lamont says you’re supposed to write a shitty first draft. That that’s completely fine. But what happens if you write something WORSE than a shitty first draft?

I am the Queen of the Worst-Than-Shitty-First-Draft.

Which is exactly why nothing I write for fun ever gets finished.

Which is exactly why I like the idea of writing for a living, but know it will never happen.

I’m OK with that. There were a lot of things I wanted to be when I grew up: a veterinarian, an Olympic gymnast, a fire man, a boy, a writer, normal.

I think it’s safe to say that I’m none of that.

Except I guess I’m technically a writer - writers write and I definitely write. Here, there, everywhere. The journals I’ve kept my entire life. My blogs. Stories. But not for profit, and I’ve always considered a writer someone who gets paid. So yeah, not a writer.


Now that I’ve actually written something I like, I want to write more.

Specifically fan fic.

It’s easier to play in someone else’s sandbox than to have to build your own. Everything you need is there: a world, characters, situations. You just need to know your characters inside and out. (Hence, the thousands of viewings of Sherlock during my leisure hours. It’s a good thing I really like the show. *grin*)

I suppose now the issue is whether or not I want to continue writing Johnlock or if I want to move on to something else.

If that’s the toughest choice I have to make right now, today, I guess that’s a good thing.

If not a little pathetic.

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