can’t. handle. the. cuteness.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I HATE applying for jobs in this brave, new, world. Yeah, the internet makes it easier for HR / recruiters, but it’s a bitch for job hunters. Why do I have to fill out twenty screens about my work history, etc. when it’s all in my resume? I swear, they must make it near impossible for the unemployed to apply just so they can limit the number of applicants.
The good news, if there is any, is that I’ve found a few international companies to apply for. The other good news is that I have the time to do nothing but take over an hour to fill out one freaking job application on line.
I don’t know… I’ve had some interesting positions placed in front of me from some different recruiters. Maybe there’s a light at the end of the (very short?) tunnel. I don’t know yet…
I had to cancel my plans to go to London for Nick’s wedding. It was too expensive to fly overseas and since I wanted to pay for everything the day it went on the card, it would have eaten up cash reserves we may need until I can find a job. I guess I’m glad we waited for the invite before we solidified our plans… I didn’t want to go into debt for this especially since I don’t know if we’d even be able to make the minimum card payments…
I also quit the Muchachos this morning. Not a happy decision and not a quick one. The bass line never had the same line up, we only met once every two weeks, and it’s hard to practice (let alone memorize) when you don’t have the passion. I’ve been frustrated since our second rehearsal, and it’s just not fun for me. It breaks my heart to make this choice, too, but I just don’t care anymore. I’d chalk it up to post job-loss depression, but this started back in November. I feel bad that I’m letting them down… I really am. We have two big parades coming up this month, but I just can’t find the energy to even care that I’m letting them down. (“Oh! Look! There goes the last fuck I give!” as the kids on tumblr say.)
I’m cutting friends out of my life because they can’t bother to be there when I need them (see yesterday’s entry), so why should I keep anything else in my life that doesn’t bring me joy?
Also, anytime I see Bibbety Bobbety Chumbawumba’s real name, a certain song plays on my iPod / iTunes, and once in a restaurant. WTF, universe? Those days are LONG past. Can you give up on the torture now? Cumberbabe’s not even related to that time period… they just happen to share three letters! Three stupid, insignificant letters. Grrrrrr…
sad to say, but this is how i’ve been feeling lately…
I try not to be a needy person, and I keep a vast majority of what’s going on in my head private. (I hear you laughing…Piss off.)
I know, I know, I dump a lot of emotional baggage here. BUT. Sometimes, it feels like that’s the only way I can ask for help…
I know you’re out there reading my blog.
I know you know how to get in touch with me.
So why the fuck don’t you?
(this angsty post brought to you by the loneliness caused by being home alone all day, waiting for the phone to ring…)
red nose day! it’s a thing!
On the left is my current Facebook profile pic. (That’s important.) On the right is this year’s Red Nose Day David Tennant pic.
Let’s talk, shall we?
I’ve mentioned before (In a few places) that the opening credits of “Sherlock” make me a bit homesick. I can’t explain why, except for the fact that London always calls to me. It doesn’t matter how many times I want to go somewhere else, I wind up in London. It’s like home to me in many of the same ways that Boston is.
Suddenly the joke that I’m moving to London to open a platypus farm has not become a joke. (Well, the platypus farm is questionable, but the move is apparently going to happen.) This year’s theme seems to be that anything I put out into the universe is going to come back to me in spades. It’s kind of scary actually.
The one person I would have expected to talk me out of it is FOR it. Yeah. Instead of telling me how fucking insane that idea is, he’s all in.
What. The. Everloving. Fuck. Is. Going. On. Here.
Oh, yeah. We’re planning to move. TO LONDON.
I don’t have a time frame other than there’s some stuff I need to do in the States before this can become real, but that seems to be the path my life is taking.
I’m both excited, and scared shitless, but I’m going along for the ride.
It’s meant to be. Especially when weird ass coincidences like this one show up on Facebook:
M: L went to London on business Wednesday and brought noses home for all the kids… Love Red Nose Day!
M: Here he is with one of this year’s noses (there are three different dinosaur-themed ones this year - he is wearing T-Spex)
Me: That’s beautiful!
Me: Wait. Red Nose Day is a thing? I LOVE the UK!!
M: Oh yeah it is!!! It is Comic Relief - “Do Something Funny For Money” - March 15th is THE day this year, but there are also all sorts of events leading up to it. In the even years they do Sports Relief, where all the celebs do crazy physical challenges (David Walliams swimming the Thames or Eddie Izzard running 43 marathons in 52 days). But Red Nose/Comic Relief is in the odd years - one of my FAVORITE nights of television since moving to Europe!!! Here is the link to the trailer:
M: I think I like it even better though that you didn’t know it was a thing, and just liked having a picture of ten with a clown nose. And happened to put it up at exactly the right time of year…
Me: See? I am MEANT to move overseas!!! It’s a sign from a very cute Time Lord!!
Then, there was a conversation on FB about this becoming real, and Mark said how he and Wendy take an organic view of things - fling something out there and see if it sticks. (It worked in their case - they met online, got married, and now she’s in the UK with him.)
It should be no surprise to anyone that my new thing is *FLINGS STUFF*, because the more I put out into the universe, the more it’s going to come back to me. I’m going to be flinging stuff like a madwoman. Something will stick and we’ll be packing up our lives in the States. Eventually.
In other news, I’m going to Connecticon this summer with a girl I met through GISHWHES. I’m going to cosplay! I have no idea as to what Connecticon actually is, or who I’m going to dress up as, but hey! I’m only going to live once and well… FRIENDS is one of this year’s three words. After the way Team Fancypants bonded, K is definitely a friend.
Make new friends and toss the old… well, some of them. Others are worth keeping around.
I will spare you from my ridiculous David Tennant / Tenth Doctor obsession to bring you this factoid:
I love the kids in Black Mountain Symphony so much it’s scary. I don’t know why, but they always seem to give me what I need before I even know I need it.
There’s a lot of ugly going on right now… and I don’t know how to stop it. There’s no one else I can communicate my concerns to and it’s wearing on me. A lot. Too much. I didn’t realize that I was that so out of sorts until a really stupid Facebook comment brought tears to my eyes. I totally had no clue that I needed a kind word to set my world right…
I know… for some one who is so hyper-aware of her moods, I can be awfully daft sometimes.
Even though it’s going to be nearly impossible to fit this into my schedule, I’m headed to Woodstock on Saturday to get my fix.
A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, you know?
It’s been YEARS since I last saw him in person, but it didn’t feel like it.
It was energizing to hear him speak, to see the passion that I know he brings to whatever he’s doing.
And, as he does so well, he planted a seed.
I’ve been noodling on this idea for a while - not going into music - but something else. As always, I have to listen to the bipolar, to my brain, and to my heart… the bipolar is telling me something. My brain agrees. My heart is confused.
And that’s OK.
It kind of comes back - full circle - to his idea of the three words.
Today hit on all three of them:
SELF: This change, if I make it, would definitely be huge. It’d be a return to what makes me me.
FAMILY: I got to spend some time with someone I never get to see, but who I adore.
CREATE: It lit a fire under my ass to get back to doing something I used to really love.
I’m not sure what path I want to take, or where it’s going to lead, but it’s nice to know I have choices…
I haven’t felt that way in a long time.