I need a hug

July 07, 2013 :: 9:57 AM

i needed a hug

a little johnlock lovin’

I’d joked about dying during the GORUCK Challenge, but I didn’t think it would almost actually kill me.

Between the 90 degree heat and my heart defect acting up, I couldn’t breathe. Could. Not. Breathe. At. All.

They tried to help me out, but not even a half hour in, I backed out. I didn’t want to be the weak link.

Of course, I feel even worse because if a kid that puked the ENTIRE time (forever known as “Barf Bag”) could do it, why couldn’t I?

I walked the course with the group, just to see if I could. To get an idea of whether or not I could handle doing it again.

I can.

But first, I need to schedule an appointment with my cardiologist and fix this. (I already know the only way to fix it. I don’t want to be awake while they shove the laser up my leg and zap my heart. I’m hoping there may be a second option now… it’s been a few years since the diagnosis.)

I know I can’t control what my heart did… I know I can’t control the weather.

I did the best that I could without putting my life at risk. I mean, with these as the symptoms, could you really blame me for backing out?
Pounding heart
Shortness of breath
Chest pain
Rapid breathing
Dizziness
Loss of consciousness

I’m looking at Hartford in October… I’m not giving up.

I know if I can get the heart under control, I can do it.

Time to suck it up and get it fixed once and for all.

But in the meantime, I’m going to sit here and pout and cry and generally be a baby about it.


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