Martin Freeman’s tongue: an appreciation post

March 13, 2013 :: 4:58 PM

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i swear to dog, there needs to be a tumblr blog dedicated to nothing but freeman’s tongue…

Didn’t get the job I wanted, but I have an interview tomorrow and a phone interview on Tuesday.

I don’t know about other states, but filing an unemployment claim in NH is a pain in the ass. Do you know how many places I send my resume to on a daily basis?!?! I had like five screens worth of data. It was that ridiculous.

So much I want to vent about… but I’m pretty proud of myself for submitting this cover letter, so I’ll block out the ick with proof of my insanity. I’ve honestly never seen a job posting online that would merit some sort of response like this, but I’m glad the creative part of my brain came out to play. I’m even happier that it worked in my favor. Have a phone screen next Tuesday.

To whom it may concern,

Despite your request for a lengthy cover letter, I promise to keep it short in order to make sure you actually read my letter instead of falling asleep. I’m sure you’ve received thousands of cover letters that all say the same thing, so please indulge me while I endeavor to make my boring cover letter stand out in the massive sea of paperwork you’ve been swallowed by,.

I would LOVE to work in the beautiful city of Haverhill, MA! It’s my favorite place on earth! (That’s pronounced Hay-ver-hill, correct?) I would be unbelievably thrilled to work for a company that is stable and has a great team of people to work with. I would especially love having to attach a coversheet to my TPS report. I really hope that’s part of your culture, because I love TPS reports as much as I love Haverhill, MA!

Let’s see… It’s probably time to be a little serious. I have over 10 years of accounting experience ranging from A/P to A/R, month and year end closes, analysis of balance sheet accounts, blah, blah blah. You have asked for specifics, so by the end of 3 months, I shall have achieved dominance over the general ledger and made it my pet. By the end of 6th months, I will have finished streamlining any systems that may have some drag to them. I hate drag. It slows me down. By the end of 12 months, you will be wondering how you lived without me.

Basically, I am definitely qualified for the job because I will make that general ledger bow to my will. Let me prove to you just how much I rock during the course of an interview. I was laid off from my previous employer, so I can start within the next thirty five minutes if that suits your needs. (It’s about a half hour drive from the glow-in-the-dark town of da ‘brook, so I will need a little bit of a buffer. I get lost. A lot.)

By the way, I have an excellent sense of humor and play well with others.

It definitely was a huge risk, but it paid off. My dad would be so proud…


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