I Christmas a Merry Wish You…

I haven’t thought of that in years… I can’t remember if I made it up or if N did, but it was ‘written’ during high school. N… the lesbian friend I lost over a stupid misunderstanding about her sexuality. N… the friend back in my life due to Facebook and the shared pain of trying to accept the stupidity of a mutual friend.

It seems fitting that it would pop into my head today.

During this past year, I mourned the loss of someone that I just don’t know how to be friends with. It goes all the way back to college and it sucks. So, bye, old friend…  I also mourned the loss of someone that used to be my family before they turned their back on me. The fact that a person is a blood relative doesn’t mean you won’t be subject to their hurtful jackassery. So, bye, Djadko J… Clarity. Closure. Cookies.

On the flip side, my openness about the bipolar (and the blog entries that have been printed out and given to long-term life partners) has brought old friends back into my life. The fact that they all hide it - and I’m ridiculously in your face - has made it easier for them seek out members of the ‘tribe’. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, we’re not alone in fighting this. I’m sad that it takes ‘coming out’ to bring us together, but I’m glad we reconnected on a deeper level.

Let’s not forget about the other old friends I’ve reconnected with. I’m working on being more social with them. (It’s part of my three words (more on that later)). Plus, Newtown kind of reminded me (again) that life is just too fucking short to have “take off the shelf once a year” friends. There are people who mean a lot to me and I’m tried of not seeing them face to face.

Then there’s the new friends… the ones I can share a “Merry Pornmas” with. The ones who indulge in inappropriate touching. (Wait. That’s all the same person. Oh well.) The ones that I haven’t scared off with the openess about the bipolar…

Santa’s been good to me this year. There are more people in my life than I lost and that’s pretty good!

Hopefully Santa’s been as good to you, Peanut Gallery.