The one where I piss off my only reader because I’ve annoyed myself with the vagueness…

September 24, 2011 :: 3:24 PM


ryan montbleau band :: nectar’s mv, martha’s vineyard amity island ::august 20, 2011

So, a few weeks ago, there was an encounter with a person which left me feeling kind of… scrambled?

This person… it’s weird. They make me feel vulnerable. They make me WANT to feel vulnerable.

It’s not like I expect them to come swooping in on a big white stallion and save me. Shit, I don’t WANT to be saved… it’s like I just want to lay my soul bare and let what will happen, happen.

They helped me (without even knowing it) open a set of floodgates that should have never been opened. Two separate conversations had two very different effects on me, which is odd, because in the end, the result is the same. I’m a big girl, and I know what will happen if I don’t close those floodgates, but I don’t want to. I want to follow this through to the end, instead of chickening out like I always seem to when it comes to… well, That Thing.

I don’t know if I should thank them or kick them in the shins. 

I guess we’ll have to see what happens… but I know that when I see them again, if their face lights up the way it has on occasion, they’ll be forgiven for whatever they started.