A Man and His Moose

May 21, 2023 :: 1:01 PM

A very unusual story and very amusing - I had to read it twice!


A Man and His Moose
A True Story by Wendell Gee, Fourth Grader

Softly and silently, he crept into the car and drove to Westown Pharmacy. Little did he know I was in the car watching as he bought a mini Hallmark reindeer.

When he got home, he carefully took off the tags and called this poor reindeer “Herbie the Moose” (Maybe because this man works for the company with a moose!)

This is what this man and his moose did: they went in the car together and they walked around the house together, When they went in the car, Herbie was on the steering wheel or the dash. When they walked around the house, Herbie was on this man’s head.

When I bug him, he sends Herbie, his “attack moose” after me! Remember when Burger King was having their Herb ads? This man would make his Herb say, “Daddy! Daddy! They want me! They want me! Daddy, please bring me to Burger King so we can be $5,000 richer!” and this man would say “why would I only be $5,000 richer? I thought it was $10,000,” and Herbie would say, “I want half!”

When Herbie makes me mad, I send him flying! But, when that doesn’t work, I put him in some of these: freezer, sock/underwear drawer, the cellar, behind the couch, or in my puppy’s mouth.

When this man uses Herbie, I think he is getting senile early. Sometimes, he puts Herbie in front of a petrified cow turd and says Herbie is taking a poop!

This man I ought to know because he is my Dad.


The “company with a moose” logo. NOT a moose, btw…

Herb commercial

The best picture they have of him is one where he’s literally holding a bowling ball in front of his face… This was considered one of the biggest flops in marketing history, as the year-long campaign never caught on and nearly sunk Burger King altogether.

I am absolutely DYING at the video description. Also, upon reflection, I think the bowling ball thing is the inspiration for the #geeselfie tag I’m fond of using on the Book of Faces. (Don’t tell me advertising doesn’t work!)

The original

Dude, what the fuck was up with that handwriting?!?!?!

Also - that fucking cow turd.

He bought it somewhere as a random souvenir during a trip to Texas. That thing… wow. I haven’t seen it or thought of it in DECADES, but.

I can picture it perfectly.

Shall we say hashtag scarred for life? Because. Yeah. Abso-fucking-lutely.

Bye, Pig

May 07, 2023 :: 10:09 AM

I made this meme better

Two weeks ago we had to put Guinness to sleep.

The prednisone didn’t help at all. In fact, it looked like it made things worse.

The last straw, as it were, the sign we’d been begging him for, was the morning of the vet appointment. He was drinking water and assumed the poop position WHILE he was drinking. He realised what was happening and ran for the door, only to slip on the ceramic tile. He basically pooped where he landed and that was that. The look on his face said it all…

While there are definitely regrets - we didn’t catch it early enough, we didn’t do enough - I feel better knowing he’s not going to suffer any more. Supposedly, it wasn’t hurting him, but you could see his frustration.

It must be terrible to know your body is failing you and there’s nothing you can do about it.

So, we said goodbye to Guinness, our Guinney Pig, our moose, our beer, our asshole… our baby.

- - - - - - - - - -

We saw Океан Ельзи the Thursday after. While it was a good show, it wasn’t as good as the one we saw in NYC. I’m chalking part of that up to the fact that we sat in seats instead of hanging out in GA on the floor and part of it to mourning.

That leaves us with one band left, but we won’t see them until October. (OCTOBER!!!!!)

- - - - - - - - - -

I’d been moving on the treadmill every day since Feb 1st, and I broke my streak on Thursday.

In my defence, I had a pretty bad migraine, but it still sucks. I started over yesterday even though it sucked. It was my worst workout yet, and that’s saying a lot.

It was a perfect storm of dog’s death, dad’s 22nd anniversary, and what would have been my mother’s 77th birthday.

Not to mention work stress from the IT project from hell.

We’re “upgrading” our project management software with a group of programmers in India.

And it is not going well.

They can’t do a simple upgrade since we’re going from Windows 7 / CRM 2011 to Windows 10 / Dynamics 365.

They also can’t build a report or take simple instruction.

It has been the most frustrating thing about my job to date, and that’s saying something… I mean, the woman I replaced made my life a living hell for the three months she hung around to train me. God, she was a nasty piece of work.

Next weekend, we’re decompressing with a trip to Disney. Well, I’m hoping it will be more relaxing than heading to the parks on a runDisney race weekend… but we’ll see.

- - - - - - - - - -

I am really hating being left alone while the hubby plays hockey three nights a week. The house feels different without a pet in it.

And I’m not counting my squirrel buddy, although they kept me company ALL FUCKING NIGHT last night.

The damn thing managed to bust through one of the soffit vents in a place that is practically impossible for a human to access. And, that is, for once, not a complete and utter exaggeration. Neither is the fact that they kept me company in the bathroom, in my office, and in the living room. You can hear them in the ceiling when they get really active. I suppose we should be happy it’s not a fucking lizard. I’m use to squirrels and mice in the house.

Mind you, I like to watch a lot of horror movies when I’m fucking around on the computer, so the first few times I heard them, I freaked the fuck out. There’s a bunch of horror movies about previous owners who refuse to leave their houses and stalk the new residents, and we get a lot of mail for the previous residents even though we’ve been here for like 5 years. So… not a huge stretch for my overactive imagination.

Anyhoo, a dog is off the menu. I was thinking about getting a rabbit, but that was shot down. I’ve decided that we’ll get a cat. Maybe two… but not until Memorial Day weekend.

It’s been a long month already, and we’re only seven days into May.