No, I can’t go wrong with the Violent Femmes and a punk rock jam.

seabrook, nh :: april 2007

I’ve spent the last few hours moving files from an overcrowded back up drive to roomy new digs.

Of course, sorting through the hundreds upon hundreds of photos I’ve taken over the past few years was exhausting. I found some I’d forgotten I’d taken. Some that made me laugh. Some that made me cry. Some that made me go “WTF?!?!”

Pony.

There are *so* many pictures of Pony it’s amazing. Scratch that. It’s scary.

I found a lot of things - screenshots, word documents filled with bits of IM conversations, Letter(s) Never Sent (HA!) - that I don’t ever want to see again. But I’ll save them. They’re part of my life, and I’ve been embracing the warts and the toxic crap I’ve been finding. I remembered - while looking at a picture that made me burst into tears - that even the shitty parts of my life have value. Without them, I wouldn’t be who I am.

That said, I was reminded of BiG MiSTAKE several times through my clean up.

This one’s for you, BG. Because, well, you destroyed the scene.

friendships - you thought were strong
torn to pieces - they didn’t last too long
and now - with nothing to hide
expose their faults - and make them see your side

(c) you destroy the scene through word and deed
the lies you spread there’s no need for you
to act that way - let’s make this a better day

once like brothers - you and me - but now it’s over
and it’s ceased to be - popularity - is now your game
you trade your friends - for your stupid fame

repeat (c)

now it’s time - to mend this scene
unity among us - would be real keen
friends forever - just having fun
this scene of ours - will be redone

lyrics by Ted Wohlsen
© 1989 BiG MiSTAKE

Just because I love you guys: You Destroy The Scene.mp4 (Don’t be a dick - right click!)

Parry, Riposte

i’ve probably posted this before but i like it and it’s my blog. so there! (matty gilroy, 2009)

So…

I had my last beginning fencing class this week. I was the only one that showed up so I got to bout with both the teacher and some random British dude that was there.

I don’t know why I’m surprised, but I did very well. It’s a very logical sport… yes, it’s physical, but it’s also very logical. I’ve seen it referred to as “physical chess” and I guess that’s kind of right. There’s a beauty to it and there’s also a nice bit of violence to it. Not like punching violence (hockey), but the fact that fencing has its roots in combat. It’s very stabby. I like stabby.

I’ve got a month to kill (HA!) before I start the intermediate class and I’m going nuts. I’ve got to teach J how to fence so he can practice with me!

Anyhoo, last weekend was LEGEND - wait for it - DARY!

I always have a good time when I head up to Albany. Black Mountain Symphony is made up of some of the most talented musicians I know, and some of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. I am never disappointed when I get to spend time with them. The music’s rocking and the atmosphere - I don’t even know where to start. I can’t even… there are just no words.

Best non-musical moment of the night: hanging out back with the band, Orion spitting lemon seeds at Bill. Bill gets pissed and says, “I will end you, Lollipop Guild!” Rollz says “It’s true because he’s small!” (I love Rollz. The more I get to know him, the more I like him.)

I woke up early Saturday and headed to Connecticut. I ended up taking a detour and wound up at WEBS in Northampton, MA. Eh. I don’t get the hype. Patternworks in Center Harbor, NH is much better. Didn’t stop me from spending too much, though. I almost laugh until I cried when I overheard two women talking. The first one asked if her friend was buying any yarn. The second one replied with “I have more than enough yarn to last me my entire life, OF COURSE I’m buying more!” Ah, women and SEX. There’s just something about going on Stash Enrichment eXpeditions that’s so much fun. Plus, I found a Latvian Mitten pattern book written in Latvian and English. How cool is that?!?! I had to get that. And there was a lot of sock yarn on sale… yeah. I can run my own yarn store off my stash. It’s part and parcel of being a knitter, I guess.

Once I got done at WEBS, I headed to Wickham Park. It used to be one of my most favorite spots in Manchester when I was growing up. It still has a lot of it’s original charm. I have a picture of my parents in the Oriental Garden area and just walking through there made me cry. I wasn’t expecting that. I spent a lot of time, and a lot of money (sense a theme?!) feeding the ducks and squirrels at the duck pond. It was healing and heartbreaking - just the way it should be.

I’m finding that most of my trips to CT now have the power to make me feel so good and so shitty at the same time. I guess it’s just part of coming to terms with everything that’s gone on, has been going on, will go on in my life. There’s a reason I don’t live in Connecticut. Why I will never live there. I thought I was over the worst of it, but Connecticut, and its ghosts, aren’t done with me yet.

Further proof of that was my surprise guest to the All Crazy show Saturday night.

My ex, the high school honey, texted me to see if I was still going to the show. I had a major foot-in-mouth moment when I asked him, good naturedly, how the wife was. Yeah. They broke up. WHOOPS! Other than that, he has moved out of his mom’s place, gotten a great job, and is doing well. Like me, he needed a little musical therapy. Like me, he had a blast. (I LOVE WHEN I’M RIGHT!)

Soup and Skinny hung out with us for a bit. I taught Josh about “SPARKLEHORSE \nn/” and it seemed that the evening’s refrain was “See? They’re not douchebags.” There were very few hookers in attendance which made me kind of sad - he didn’t get the full Up or On the Rocks experience. I got a very nice shout out from the stage (“My friend, Tam, in the pigtails…”) and the music was insane. THEY were insane. I couldn’t stand still and Josh kept up with me all night.  I was amazed by his stamina (insert dirty joke here). Seriously, it was like 100 degrees in there. I don’t know how I kept going and I was riding a pretty good manic high. Better living through chemistry? Ha. Body beats science. Again.

It’s weird being with him. Even after all this time, I still feel a certain connection with him. I shouldn’t be surprised. We were together a while and well… there was a reason we were together. There was a reason we got back together after we broke up. And there was a reason we broke up. Twice. Of course, he’s not that person anymore. I’m not either. But what’s happened has happened and the people we are now still get along very well.

At any rate, it was a successful weekend on so many levels.

I do so much better when I take the time to keep myself happy…