Clumsy, crawling out of my skin…

April 21, 2009 :: 10:16 PM

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ben :: the warehouse, hartford, ct :: april 18, 2009

I’ve had R.E.M.‘s “Second Guessing” in my head for about two days now…

Why’re you trying to second guess me? I am tired of second guessing.

People forget that there are a gazillion other people on the internet and not everything said is meant to be taken personally by YOU.  (Unless of course, it is meant to… but if it is, I make sure I call you out so clearly you know who you are.  *grin*)  I blame Facebook/MySpace/Twitter for this new round of teh interweb’s st00pidity.  Too many n00bs around spoiling us old farts’ fun.  *sigh*  I’ve been blogging in some way, shape or form for 11 years, people.  I’ve seen it all. Get over yourselves.  You really don’t matter.  Neither do I. Srsly.

A million years ago (interweb time, of course), there were these things called Blog Wars.  People would write entries with the intent to piss people off.  And they WORKED! Can you believe it? Something inflammatory actually inflamed people!  My Word!  Of course, anytime you do start a war, people take sides and it got ugly pretty quickly.  Nice to know things haven’t changed… #amazonfail, anyone? Those that don’t pay attention to history allow it to repeat itself.  Me? I’ve tried to get out of the blog/FB/Twitter war zone, but that doesn’t mean I’ve been able to keep my nose clean.  I am only human… and as those who know me IRL will tell you, I can be quite the ass when I want to be. Especially when I am The CRANKY!!!!

At any rate, my point is I get a TON of emails, DMs/PMs, @ replies, text messages, phone calls, the whole shebang.  There are a lot of people with access to me and not all of them behave like grown-ups.  I try not to sink to their level, especially if they’re acting like children, but I’m not always able to take the high road. Sorry. That’s just how it is.  I am deeply flawed.  If you can’t accept that, than maybe you should find another person to latch on to because we are not a good fit.

There are things I want to say.  Things I need to say… but I don’t know how.  Not sure that there’s a way that won’t hurt someone’s feelings. I don’t think there’s a win in here at all for any of the affected parties. Like always, there WILL be collateral damage.  That’s just the way it is.  It, unfortunately, comes down to who I choose to hurt.  Time to flip a coin, I guess.

I’ve been lost inside my head…
I took the prize last night for complicated mess for saying things I didn’t mean and don’t believe…
Believe in me.  Believe in nothing.  Corner me and make me something…
I’m overwhelmed. I’m on repeat. I’m emptied out. I’m incomplete…
R.E.M. - Hollow Man


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