So, Thursday… whoo-boy!

December 13, 2008 :: 2:38 PM


instrument (the band) :: hungry tiger, manchester, ct :: dec. 12, 2008

“All we are is all we’ll ever be…”  Instrument - “Invincible”

I drove down to CT to watch Instrument play at the Hungry Tiger on Thursday.  I did this for two reasons: 1) I needed FUN!, and 2) it was a test of my intestinal fortitude.  I grew up in Manchester, 10 minutes from the Tiger.  My dad and I used to spend a lot of time at Charter Oak Park (which is behind the bar) and we used to eat there.  It was one of his favorite restaurants.  I made myself pretty sick on the drive there - just stressing myself out and having all these little memory land mines come out of nowhere. But, I’ve gone to the cemetery, so this couldn’t be that hard right? Right?  HA!  I almost bawled when I looked at the menu.  Yeah, it’s changed, but his favorite sandwiches were still on it - can’t beat the classics.


<.side note>

Before I continue my recap… I was once accused by a boyfriend that I didn’t “let him in” (Emotionally.  Get your mind out of the gutter.).  I explained to him that I had several levels of friendship and that were certain “tests” you had to pass to move deeper into my world. (After my mom died, I learned pretty quickly who my friends and family were.  Basically no one I had known prior to March 18, 1992 stuck around for very long after that. So, sue me for being protective of myself. You would be too, if your whole life IM.PLOD.ED.  KABOOM!)

Anyhoo, he compared them to Dante’s layers of hell.  At the time, the bipolar was undiagnosed and in full swing and, in retrospect, I imagine it was probably very similar.  Instead of hell, I imagine the Tower of London. On steroids.

1) There are those outside the gates: the unknowns/the creepy drunk guys.  I don’t even let them come close.

2) There’s an area inside the walls, but not really close enough for entry into the fortress: people I hang around with because they are part of my social circle but I have no real connection to.

3) Inside the fortress walls are people I like, but don’t necessarily want to spill my guts to.  These are casual friends.  That boyfriend.

4) There’s another fortress behind another wall.  Behind that wall is my “outer circle”.  These are people I *might* take a bullet for. It depends.

5) Inside that fortress is my “inner circle” - the people I WOULD take a bullet for. Without question.

6) Finally, there’s a protected bunker inside the fortress.  That’s where my family lives.  Not my blood relations - they’re mostly useless.  I mean my REAL family… my two brothers, my two sisters, my half-brother, my husband.  These people are my family because they have gone through the worst of the bipolar and come out the other side with me.  THEY’VE EARNED IT.  These are people who are so precious to me, there are no words for it.

<./side note>

A few months ago, I had a blinding flash of the obvious during a conversation with someone.  It was such a BFO it instantly granted him access to “level 4”.  Thursday night, he made it to level 5. V says we “bonded”... maybe.  I don’t know.  Bonded doesn’t seem like the right word… but it will do.  There’s something about him that really makes me put my guard down.  I wish I knew what it was.  Maybe I’d bottle it so I could use it more often.  Whatever. I just really like him.  He’s good people.

Other highlights:

  • Within 5 seconds of meeting me, crazy drunk guy is telling me I’m beautiful and lovely and basically coming on so strong, he scared the absolute crap out of me.
  • “Personal Jesus” was not sung by Jesus!  (Well he might, at karaoke, but it’d have to be a duet with Hot Dog… hee!)
  • Unrequited? Are you serious? For the record - YOU shut ME down. More like uninterested.
  • On that note, a spider man body suit? Are you kidding me? Where did that come from?!
  • Also on that note, you are a good dancer.  Sorry I’m not. It could have been more fun if I wasn’t tripping over myself.
  • Also also on that note, there are certain things I didn’t need to know. Ignorance IS bliss.  Now I’ve got these random thoughts about, well, stuff, popping into my head.
  • No, I am not - nor have ever been - married to two guys at the same time.
  • Trust me, if I’m calling you drunk, you really are.
  • Am I wearing a sign that says “Drunk guys, please hit on me!”?
  • Understated is sexy.  Apparently, so is looking like a dyke.
  • You know who Spring Heeled Jack & BiG MiSTAKE are?!?  Yeah, I miss the music scene we used to have, too.
  • Certain ‘signature’ hand motions and comments should be used more, um, conservatively?  This is a PG-13 blog, so I won’t share one of my final comments to a certain someone… but he knows what it is.
  • When we were standing by the bar and someone had his arm around my shoulders… it was nice.  After the earlier attack(s), I felt safe. Definitely a Good Thing™.
  • Driving home and mishearing the lyric: “Here we lie breathing, but I lie alone” as “Here we lie breeding…”  Someone’s comments ALL NIGHT certainly put me in a strange frame of mind.
  • How do you meet someone - and before you even know their name - say, “C, like in Censored?”  Holy cow, dude!  That was a little much.
  • Johnny Curry started in net for the Pens and got the win! *happy dance*  (I had to keep checking the scores on my iPhone because I was dying to know and then I saw it on the ESPN scroll on one of the TVs in the bar.)

I’m normally a low-energy introvert, so when I go out like this, I actually try to tap into the mania side of the bipolar - for the extended energy boost that gets me home safely at 3:45 in the morning. Honestly though, there are points where real me is very high energy without being manic.  It’s a fine line to walk - too manic and I take stupid risks.  I totally could have / might have kissed someone Thursday night.  But common sense pulled me back from the edge.  As it was, I thought I was pretty well behaved.  Except for the language and the hand motion… and I didn’t even notice those, until comments were made about them being ‘arousing’.  I think I’m going to keep my hands in my pockets and never talk again.

I’m going back on Sunday to see the band play again.  I think I’m a glutton for punishment, but I’m interested to see if someone is going to misbehave again. $10 says he doesn’t, but I do…

Hi, Ben!

December 12, 2008 :: 9:17 AM

For the record - I didn’t get home until 3:30 AM, no power, full day of work & a hockey game tonight.

I will post the (censored) story about one of the best nights I’ve had out in a long time soon.  Promise!

(I know someone out there is all anxious for my side of events…)

Here’s a quicky: “here we lie breeding, but I lie alone…” At 3:00 AM, it was pretty damn funny.  There was also a very interesting visual that went along with it. I don’t like the DOVE very much right now.

Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe? [the meme]

December 08, 2008 :: 11:59 PM


mike mills (r.e.m.) :: great woods, mansfield, ma :: june 13, 2008

Dizzy Vizzy asks the question: So, if you had to make a CD of your favorite cover tunes, what would you put on there?

It’s a good question…  Here’s my whack at it.

Academy Fight Song - R.E.M.
Friend of the Devil - Counting Crows
Tangled up in Blue - Indigo Girls
American Girl - Goo Goo Dolls
Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows
In the Sun - Michael Stipe
Sweet Caroline - Me First and the Gimmee Gimmes
Three is a Magic Number - Blind Melon
Baba O’Riley - All Crazy* (Not in my mp3 collection, but freakin’ amazing live!)
Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah (Means I Love You) - Violent Femmes
Brown Eyed Girl - Magadog
Ring Of Fire - Tom Jones
Pop Song (Green) - Spring Heeled Jack
Sexual Healing - Soul Asylum
Baby Got Back - Jonathan Coulton
Passenger - R.E.M.
Gin & Juice - Phish
Olive Me - NOFX
Gotta Get a Message to You - Moxy Fruvous
I Think I Love You - Less Than Jake
Hallelujah - Kate Voegele
Slave Girl - Goo Goo Dolls
Moondance - City Mouse


December 07, 2008 :: 8:15 PM


chris connolly ::  bu vs. north dakota (icebreaker tourney @ agganis arena) :: october 10, 2008

I knew this kid was special the first shift he played. 

Five years ago, there was a line made up of Pete (Grocery Stick) MacArthur, Bryan (Boomer) Ewing, and Chris (Son of Raymond) Bourque.  The line was short lived - Baby Bourque went on to the AHL after his freshman year - but holy cow did they play well together.  That was the line to end all lines in our short time as BU season ticket holders.  So, imagine my surprise when this freshman took the ice and reminded me of all three of those players rolled into one little feisty forward.

I took a lot of pictures during the Icebreaker tourney - and a lot of them had this kid crashing the net.

I expect great things from him for the next few years.  He better hang around.

*happy dance*

November 30, 2008 :: 1:36 PM


I survived NaNoWriMo 2008!

I’ve never professed to be a Writer, but I do write fiction in addition to the writing that shows up on my two blogs and in my paper journal. 

So, when September / October rolls around, I start thinking about signing up for the insanity that is NaNoWriMo (or National Novel Writing Month).  The goal is simple: 50,000 words in the 30 days of November. It breaks down to 1,667 words a day.  Sounds completely manageable, right?  HA!

I did it last in 2003 and it was HARD.  I struggled with every single word - using ridiculous plot twists and stooping as low as to break out words that I would normally contract.  It was ugly and I felt dirty.  But I won and I was hooked.  I spent the next 5 years in school.  It is impossible to take classes and revolve your life around NaNo.  At least, I found it impossible. But then again, I’m a seat-of-my-pants type of writer.  I don’t get the people who won earlier this week and have already started researching and character sketching next year’s.  I don’t know how to write with such discipline - even my school papers were total stream of consciousness garbage during the first draft (or several).

This year, I did nothing like that.  It was real writing.  No cheating… although I did introduce a character in the first paragraph and then kind of forgot all about him.  He was supposed to be involved in this thing with the main character, but I decided afterwards that I didn’t want him to hang around very long. I actually ended today at a cliffhanger, so I could pick up the story later. When I have the time… Currently my goals for the next few weeks are prepping for the GMAT, writing my essays for my MBA application and doing 50+ handmade Christmas cards. Not necessarily in that order, of course, but I want to get my application in by January 15th (the first available 2009 due date) and sit for the GMAT in February.

It’s time to get back to the real world and not spend so much time on this stupid computer.  (It’s a good thing I didn’t enjoy the WoW trial I got sucked into…)


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