Seven. teen. freaking. years.

mom :: may 3, 1946 - march 18, 1992

I’m going to go a little more raw here than usual.  It’s a special occasion… not a happy one, but a milestone nonetheless.  If you’re prone to crying, grab the kleenex. I’ll wait.

March 18th, 1992.  Seventeen years ago.

Two days before my 17th birthday, I came home from school to find my father crying at the kitchen table. With four little words, I suddenly learned my life would never be the same. Could never be the same. 

They held the wake on my birthday.  I did not go.

My mother and I had, at best, a complicated relationship.  That’s probably putting it too politely, but you guys don’t want the truth.  Trust me.

Seventeen years ago, I was two days shy of my 17th birthday.  Today, I am two days shy of my 34th.  I don’t need a calculator to tell me the significance of the timing. I’ve been dreading this birthday since 2001 - when my father passed away.  It’s a hell of a milestone to pass. There’s been a lot of life packed into the last seventeen years. 

A life where her only daughter, her only child, attended her alma mater and lived briefly in the same dorm, on the same floor, that she did.  A life that would have cast her as mother of the bride and the proud grandmother of two furbabies. A life where her sewing expertise would have come in handy several times.  A life where her fashion sense probably would have been very welcome. She wasn’t there for any of that.  She wasn’t even there to see me graduate from high school (and now college) with high honors, something that would have mattered to her, something she pushed me to attain.

She chose vodka over her only daughter.  Even when she was alive, she was dead to me. It’s terrible, I know.

You have no idea how badly I wish it had been different. 

I wish I knew the woman my father married.  The one he spent hours talking about during what would be our last day together.  I want to know that woman.  I will never be able to. My heart aches for the loss of this woman I never knew. It is that woman I mourn on the 18th of March… not the one I grew up with.

I try to not let it get to me.  Matter of fact, the last several birthdays have been fantastic.  I’ve been pushing hard for this one to be as well and I think I’m going to succeed. I had fun last week at the GTD Summit, which was an early birthday present to myself, and I’ll have fun in CT on Thursday and Saturday.  I’m expecting some awesome presents from people who have flat out told me they’re getting me something, despite my telling them that’s not necessary. The bar is set really high for this birthday, and so far, all signs point to the fact that it will be amazing.  (Well, it will be abso-fucking-lutely AWESOME if BU beats BC on Friday night, but that’s neither here nor there…)

At the end of the day, it all comes back to the fact that I’m here and she’s not… and that sucks.

 

I’ve been looking so long at these pictures of you, that I almost believe that they’re real. 
I’ve been living so long with my pictures of you, that I almost believe that the pictures are all I can feel.
- The Cure, “Pictures of You”

Hi, GTD’ers!

Starting to see hits coming from the Intercontinental.  w00t! My self-promotion cards must be working!

Like everyone else, I’m in my room processing all my notes from today’s breakout sessions… but thought I’d pop in real quick and say hey.

*waves*

Jason Lawrence, I’ll miss you!

jason lawrence :: agganis arena, boston, ma :: march 8, 2009

The hubby looked at this photo - among others from the same game - and told me I should get more serious about the photography.

I’m working on it.

Wednesday AM, I hop on a flight to San Francisco.  I will not be wearing flowers in my hair.

I’m a little bummed that I backed out of scheduling extra time in town to explore and take pictures, but let’s face it.  The things I’m most likely to take photos of now don’t stand still in the perfect light of a sunny afternoon.  No, the things I’m most likely to take photos of now are hockey players and, oh I don’t know, crazy UCMB alumni and that band that I hang around with.  Bad lighting, fast movement, ponies. That sort of thing. That’s what I get excited about now.  Taking pictures of the Golden Gate Bridge? YAWN.

I do plan on taking lots of pictures while I’m in San Fran… but not of the scenery. I’m going to get my geek on hardcore. I’m spending two days at the GTD Summit.  (Long time readers will remember my obsession with The David and Getting Things Done.) 

Yup.  Two days of networking with other GTD’ers.  Meeting Steve Leveen (from Levenger!  *squee*) and Guy Kawasaki and Meg Edwards and Eric Mack and all my new little Twitter pals. I’m hoping that there’s a sh’load of photos being taken of me & important people.  I’m hoping I give out a buttload of

business

self-promotion cards.  And most importantly, I’m hoping that I do crawl far enough out of my shell and do some serious networking.

When I get back, there’s so much more to look forward to:
Hockey East quarterfinals, Instrument, Instrument, Instrument, Instrument, Instrument, Vermont… And I’ve got a birthday and some Twilight making fun of to do crammed in there as well. w00t! I’ve got more of a life this March than I have in several years combined.

I think it’s a good thing I’ve got GTD in my life - it’s going to be hard to juggle all my fun stuff with all my not-so-much-fun stuff. 

Bring. It. On.

Top dawg

vs. umass-amherst :: agganis arena, boston ma :: feb 28, 2009

CLICK TO EMBIGGEN

Thanks to a BC win last night, and a BU shut out tonight, we are the Hockey East regular season champs.  We’ve also been # 1 in the nation for about 5 weeks now.  It’s a pretty good run for any team.  It’s a great run for this one.

I said, in the beginning, that whatever this team had done during the off-season worked.  Holy crap, did it work.  A few people are thinking we could go all the way and I’m inclined to believe them. I’ve always thought we could go all the way this season.  Hell, at tonight’s game, TONY AMONTE (!!!!! Yes, the Tony Amonte) said we’re going all the way.  I’m afraid to get my hopes up and I don’t want to jinx the team or anything… but I do believe that we have a very good chance of winning it all.  Why not? We’ve won every other tourney we’ve been in… Beanpot, Wells Fargo and the Icebreaker.

Rollheiser, my least favorite goalie this season, got his first collegiate shutout tonight.  Nice.  Very happy for him.  That’s a) the way to redeem yourself and b) an awesome way to end the regular season.

And, of course, tonight was senior night.  I hate the end of the season with a passion.  After watching these kids for 4 years, I get attached.  I can’t help it. It’s what I do. I’m going to miss Jason (J-lo) Lawrence, Brandon (Yip!Yip!Yip!) Yip, Johnny McCarthy, Matty Gilroy, Steve (Smoke) Smolinski, and Chris (Higgy) Higgins.  It’s been a joy watching these boys develop their game over the past 4 years.  I don’t have the words to describe what J-lo, Matty, Johnny and Higgy mean to me.  They are my favorites from this year’s class. Matty especially.

It’s been covered non-stop lately by the national media and I’m a little tired of hearing it over, and over, and over, and over, but, I can’t assume all my readers care enough to google Matt Gilroy and read all the press, so here you go…

Out of all the kids on the Hobey nominee list, Matt Gilroy is the most deserving of being named the Hobey Baker winner.  This kid is a hell of a sportsman and a person.  He was a walk-on.  The only way he made it on the team is because he lied to Parker and said he could play D even though he was a forward. Check his stats; you’d never know he couldn’t play D.  He’s got the character thing down pat, too.  He wears 97 in honor of his little brother Timmy.  Timmy was killed in an accident when they were really young and he had worn 97 when they played youth hockey together.  (Gretzky was #99 so every kid that played around that time wanted to wear 99. Of course, there was only one 99, so the kids/teams improvised.)  Matty promised his mom that he would always wear 97.  When he couldn’t get 97, he’d wear 9 or 7 and his mom would sew the missing number into his uniform. 

I’ve been in, and around, hockey for a long time.  I’ve seen lots of good guys.  I’ve seen lots of bad guys.  I’ve only ever seen something close to this before and that was when PeteyMac’s foster family from Iowa came to a game.  (The trip to Boston was a Make-A-Wish trip for the daughter.  I wish I could remember the rest of the details.  *sigh*)  I think that this team’s success owes a lot to Johnny’s grinding and Matty’s humility.  They were/are the perfect personalities for captains.  (At least as far as I can see.)

I don’t know - we play Maine next week in the quarterfinals.  We beat them twice and tied, I think.  (Too lazy to look up the stats now.)  I’m hoping we can beat them twice now.  After that, I don’t know.  I’m not looking any farther into the future. 

“Hey, hey baby! (ooh-ah!) I wanna know, oh, oh, oh-oh, if you’ll be my girl!”

Holy cow, it really works!

apache :: da ‘brook :: sometime in 2008

One of my friends is a dog whisperer type person, and I had him come up to the house to work with the four of us.

Apache is my violent problem child.  Arsey’s the stubborn one.  He definitely had his work cut out for him, or so I thought.

He got both dogs under control relatively quickly and squashed my belief that the “Dog Whisperer” tv show is heavily edited to make it look quick / fit it into an hour-long episode.  It’s amazing what you can do with that sort of knowledge.

We’ve been working hard this past week and we’re seeing progress.  Not huge amounts of progress, but progress nonetheless.  More so with Apache than Arsey, but Apache is working stock and he NEEDS to be working.  Even if working means a sit/stay while the doorbell rings.  Anything to help curb his aggression. Arsey is more stubborn and much older, so I figured she might be the harder one to work with. At the same time, though, she’s much better with people so once we can get her even a little more under control, I’ll be pleased. 

We’ve always had them “wait” before they can go in and out of the house.  We’ve added a sit to that and in most cases, we can at least get them to wait before they come inside. I’m sure the sit won’t be too far behind.  Last night, we added the doorbell.  We never got Arsey under control (wicked disappointing), but Apache did several rings very well.  Laying down and staying instead of jumping up and barking.  There was whining and shaking, but I’ll take the whining and shaking down/stay over the barking and attacking of the door area.

My goal is to have them in some sort of decent shape by April so the dog whisperer can come back for a check-up before I (finally) hold my gradjitation party in May. 

I think that’s highly possible and I’m loving watching Apache’s behavior begin to change!

Thank you so much!!!