Розпочали стрільці українські з ворогами тан


April 16, 2022 :: 10:35 AM


Ой у лузі червона калина похилилася,

Чогось наша славна Україна зажурилася.

А ми тую червону калину підіймемо,

А ми нашу славну Україну, гей-гей, розвеселимо!

А ми тую червону калину підіймемо,

А ми нашу славну Україну, гей-гей, розвеселимо!


If we’re not Facebook friends, you have missed my ongoing documentation of the war in Ukraine. (Actually, consider yourself lucky we’re not FB friends… I’m so tired of the endless posts about the war, too, but I can’t not share.) I watch the news constantly for attacks on Lviv. On a small village that has no reason to be attacked. On Odesa. Further attacks on Kyiv.

My friends are in Ukraine.

MY FAMILY is in Ukraine.

This is personal.

But anyhoo… I have dissected and ressected (? go with it) and dissected again, my feelings about this. I have compartmentalised and have given my shrinky dink enough material to write a fucking book. And yet the war continues and I continue to learn new things about myself.

Like that stubbornness? The drive to survive at all costs? The ability to be an absolute asshole to anyone who has hurt me?

I used to think it was a side effect of growing up with my mother…

And maybe it is, but not because of the alcoholism.

I’m starting to think that’s not nuture, but nature.

Like it’s encoded in my DNA, passed on from generation to generation of stubborn, survival focused, Ukrainian assholes.

I saw it firsthand: my grandparents, my mother, even my aunt.

I saw it in the rest of the Ukrainian community around Hartford.

I see it in myself.

And I see it in every single Ukrainian person that shows up in my newsfeed, on the news, or on a postage stamp.

One of the things we had planned prior to Putin being a putz was to see Boombox in Miami on March 8th.

Every time this song gets posted, I almost always share the link.

Because I love Andriy Khlyvnyuk (the lead singer). I absolutely adore him and the clip of him singing never ceases to amaze me.

It never ceases to make me feel proud of my heritage - of one of my favourite bands - when this shows up on my newsfeed. To have people who have never heard of Boombox talk about Andriy’s voice, to search out his music… it kind of gives me chills the same way hearing the Ukrainian anthem sung in a plaza in Lviv did. Or hearing it sung at an OE concert at Madison Square Garden, surrounded by a bunch of American born Ukrainian teenagers who weren’t old enough to know a Ukraine under Soviet rule.

And then, there’s Antytila. Who have also gone viral, thanks to Ed Sheeran.

There are so many clips of lead singer Taras Topolya singing on news shows, just speaking about the war, how his family is somewhere in the West…

But I’m going to end this post with a fun video.

I mean, how many bands can lay claim to having Zelenskyy, the fucking President of their country, in one of their music videos?

And he’s absolutely hysterical in it, but you can decide for yourself:

 

I like to be called ‘cupcake’.


April 13, 2022 :: 9:58 PM

find you someone who looks at you like Chris looks at Peter

Draft four of my ode to statutory rape is in time out.

I love the idea I have.

I love the way I write my characters.

I love everything except for the fact that Yuri is 15.

I’m not ready to write a draft where I age him up.

SO… because I am a writer and writing is as vital to me as breathing, I am writing.

But not Yuri on Ice!!! fic.

I’m back to writing Teen Wolf fan fic.

But not the version I went three drafts on.

Nope.

Why bother finishing a completely decent story? One that was thisclose to being done?

Because, I suppose, I’m me and I like to do things the hard way.

I started a completely different new fic… with a completely different pairing.

Is it a pairing if it’s an OT3? Whatever.

I’ve decided to write what’s commonly referred to as Stetopher: Stiles / Peter / Chris(topher).

The best part about this fandom is that the Petopher portion practically writes itself.

No. Seriously.

^^^^ LOOK. AT. THAT. UP. THERE. ^^^^

JR Bourne plays Chris Argent and Ian Bohen plays Peter Hale in TW. All you have to do is spend time on instagram to get enough ammunition to fill that ship’s canon. (Ha ha ha! Do you like what I did there?)

Anyhoo… Adding Stiles to the mix makes it that much better.

This happened today and it is still making me giggle.

 

Thankfully, I do not need to age anyone up this time.

It’s the little things.

 

Whine and (Nickel and) Dime


April 03, 2022 :: 10:06 AM

lack of motivation is a real bitch

Soooooo… much like my on-and-off again attempts to learn the Ukrainian language, I’m suffering through the same fits and starts with running.

Consistency is not my thing apparently.

I decided to register for Wine and Dine because I want to redeem myself and not end the half marathon in tears, wondering when I’ll get swept. That’s totally public enemy number one, that Disney half marathon.

I have a whopping 107 miles under my belt this year. That is not the training of a serious runner…

I can barely consider myself a walker at this point.

Right now, I’m dealing with the aftershocks of a decision I made last weekend. I’m waffling between pride and stupidity.

I signed up for a half marathon that went three loops through a park. In a “safe” park. In a “safe” town.

I managed two loops because during the first two, my bad touch spidey senses were tingling. There were parts where I was the only person on the course for as far as I could see. There were random guys scattered through the park alone and in groups. There were a few in a playground area that were definitely giving off some bad energy, and I’m not normally given to paranoia, but it is what it is. I got to the split for the finish line and walked off the course, bib in hand. I wasn’t going to cross the finish line… I didn’t want the participant medal. I didn’t want anything but to go home.

I’m on the phone with the husband telling him what a miserable time I had when this dude approaches me. Big guy. He will not leave me alone. Asking me if I want a medal or headphones (what?! Seriously! Do you want some candy, little girl? / Why don’t you get in the back of my van. I’ll drive you to your car. / Hello, Lester the Child Molester). I ended up elbowing him in the gut and running the rest of the way to my car. It was a shame I turned my Garmin off - that was probably a five minute mile.

So. Yeah. Happy I didn’t tempt fate, but upset that I didn’t. Damned if I did, damned because I didn’t.

I’ve decided to rerun all my medals again - surprise! But, I’m doing it a little differently. I’m still tracking the original rerun because I want to earn them all, but I decided to also track my medals earned by distance run. Right now, I have an excel spreadsheet that I’m filling in based on mileage alone. In order. So if I run a 5K, I fill in the very first 5K on the medal list. Regardless of which RTI club it is. On the ‘real’ tracker, I’m trying to run races in a way that allows me to finish challenge medals and then fill in the rest of the blanks. Out of the 107 I have on the year, I’ve only run 74 RTI miles. Technically, that’s about 2 miles a day from here to the end of the year.

But anyhoo, I digress.

Marathon Weekend’s registration opens on April 22nd. I priced out the costs of doing the Wine and Dine races separately (5K, 10K, and Half) and comparing it to what I actually spent for the 5K and the Two Course Challenge. Of course, the Challenge costs more, but it’s minimal. You’re basically paying for the cheap race shirt at that point. Pointless math, except…

I’m not sure if I want to run Marathon Weekend if I’m not attempting the Dopey. It’s a lot of money… and I could technically do a half marathon anywhere, except that park. I was thinking about signing up for the three races and avoiding the marathon completely - or signing up for the Dopey if it’s cheaper and selling my medal on eBay, if I accept it at all this time.

I told myself that if I can run consistently through April 1 - 21, I will register for the Dopey again. If I can’t, I may do the three races… or at very least, the fucking half marathon.

I will beat the balloon ladies even if it kills me.

Країна – більше за будь-яке зло


March 27, 2022 :: 11:15 AM

Kyiv Independent - 27.03.2022

Скільки печалей і скільки морок, і ти вже не можеш ступити крок, і вже зупиняєш серце, рахуючи втрати.

І так нам бракує добрих вістей в країні, в якій так багато дітей знають як варто жити й за що помирати.

 



Країна, яка не тримає зла. Країна, яка тут завжди була.

Країна, в яку повертають дощі, про яку так легко писати вірші.

Діти вертають в свої доми.

Знову горять, горять мости і зводяться стіни, але тримають нам горішні основи діти, які, які проросли в небо країни.

Діти, що стали нам продовженням мови.

Що то є життя, в чому його кошт? більше сльози не течуть просто очі залив дощ.
Він може змиє бруд сухий, змиє попіл до кінця... Але не змиє слід історії з молодого лиця.

Країна Дітей (Okean Elzy version)

Steady repetition is a compulsion mutually reenforced


March 21, 2022 :: 8:33 PM

I’ll take a bag of rice, please.

OH. MY. GOD. WHY. IS. THIS. SO. HARD.

Draft four has been an amazing, almost religious experience… if you choose to worship at the altar of pain, tears, hair pulling, and very, very creative swearing.

That fucker needs some holy water AND a blow torch.

 

- - - - - - - - - -

So. Yesterday.

I turned 47 and my husband came home from the hospital.

Yeah, read that again.

Friday, he went to the ER. He stayed in the hospital until late Sunday afternoon.

Nothing serious. The symptoms he was experiencing were due to a bulging disk and not a stroke or diabetes or whatever Doctor Google terrified him with. He needs to stretch, relax, and do yoga. The husband doing yoga is a visual that I will treasure until the day I die…

But.

He gave my mother a run for her money when it came to the absolute worst birthday weekend ever. They might actually be tied for first right now.

Happy fucking birthday, Wendell.

 

- - - - - - - - - -

My godfather’s daughter and I are friends on Facebook. We haven’t spoken for… oh, let’s say thirty years, until recently.

Her grandmother was the Colonel. The Keeper of the Culture.

The baddest ass motherfucker on that part of the family tree.

That woman used to scare the everloving fuck out of me as a kid.

Anyhoo…

When all that shit with Russia happened, someone asked L on FB if she had any family over in Ukraine.

She replied that she did, but she wasn’t close to them.

I couldn’t help myself and messaged her, asking for details. The Colonel used to stay in contact with them, but nobody else had.

After a long back-and-forth, we compared family trees. The one she did when she was like 10 years old and the one I paid a professional for.

They were identical. (And, you have no idea how happy that made both of us!)

She had some information that I didn’t have and vice versa.

But, yeah. The women I found in Ukraine were definitely family. 100%.

She totally made a completely shitty weekend worth it.

I needed that sense of family so badly this weekend and I got that and more.

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