Thursday, January 19, 2012

You either get it or you don’t. There’s no middle ground.

I posted on Facebook that I was going to decorate my office in silver ribbons. While wearing a red dress.

The high school honey responded that there was no way in hell I’d wear a dress.

He was right, but he completely missed the point.

I refuse to be a victim of mental illness and, truth be told, this has been a particularly bad week on the bipolar roller coaster. My mood swings have been pretty rapid and deadly to those who get in my path at the highest and lowest points.

If you read here pretty regularly, you know that the Bloggess’/Jenny’s blog entry I posted a while ago was REALLY important to me. It really helped me fully understand that I wasn’t the only one who feels the way I do. I can’t self-harm PHYSICALLY because blood grosses me out, but the EMOTIONAL damage I do to myself is brutal.

I was serious about the silver ribbon thing - I want to put a big one right where I can see it. For that reminder that I should never give up.

The red dress thing was more symbolic. I want to do something crazy and empowering. Something that is me reclaiming my life. To stop accepting the bipolar as the pain in the ass it is. I know I can’t change it - I can only control it. When biology trumps science, I need that reminder that I can get beyond this. That I will get past this rough patch.

That I will survive.

Posted by Matty on 01/19 at 08:16 AM