Wednesday, December 26, 2012


I was working on my three words last night - really defining them and making sure they were the right ones - when I got hit by a blinding truth.

I don’t know to be friends with ANYONE.

I don’t know if it’s the bipolar making me keep people at arm’s length.

I don’t know if it’s some fucked up remnant of my childhood and/or the isolation of being an introverted, shy, only child.

I don’t know if it’s the way I was wired from day one - maybe all that other stuff is a “symptom” of the larger problem.

I can’t let the members of my blood family back in, even though they want it so badly… And I’m the one that sought them out.

I can’t let J’s family in, even though it’s probably important to him (he’s never said, but it’s a safe assumption).

I communicate with the majority of my friends through Facebook because it’s easier. It’s friendship on MY terms.

I read blogs to keep tabs on them instead of reaching out regularly.

I break promises to keep in touch more often.

I don’t know how to fix this.

To fix ME…

But it was important enough to make the list after everything was filtered out…

It’s time to sit down and figure out this part of my personality.

It’s PAST time to figure out this part of my personality.

Posted by Matty on 12/26 at 11:28 AM