I’m in John Finnemore’s sandbox!

I’ve decided that my next foray into fan fiction would be “Cabin Pressure”.  The pilots like to play a lot of word games, and coming up with my own has been a right bitch.

I’ve decided to steal an idea from CP and have the pilots do cabin addresses using Stephen King’s works instead of Hitchcock’s.

Here’s the original:
DOUGLAS: Hello, my name is First Officer Douglas Richardson. On behalf of the captain and myself, a warm welcome aboard this MJN flight to Qikiqtarjuaq. Just to let you know, we will be flying out from Toronto today, roughly “North by Northwest,” at the “Vertigo”-inducing height of twenty thousand feet, way above “The Birds.” You will already have met your purser today, Carolyn “Rebecca” “Topaz,” but now, as “The Lady Vanishes” behind the “Torn Curtain” into the galley, the steward will hold you “Spellbound” with his “Notorious” demonstration of “The Thirty-Nine Steps” to a safe evacuation, though these basically boil down to three: pull the “Rope,” inflate the “Lifeboat,” and escape through the “Rear Window.” (Huge thanks to the folks at The Cabin Pressure Livejournal Community for posting the transcripts, including this one from Qikiqtarjuaq. In case you haven’t noticed, I have an unhealthy fascination with this episode.)

Here’s my attempt:
DOUGLAS: Good morning to our favourite passengers, Arthur ‘Cujo’ Shappey, and Ms. ‘Dolores Claiborne’. My name is First Officer Douglas Richardson, and I’ve just come off ‘The Night Shift’ where I flew over ‘The Green Mile’ with my co-pilot, your Captain and ‘The Apt Pupil’ himself, Martin Crieff. Today, our ‘Skeleton Crew’ will be flying in the direction of ‘The Shining’ sun en route to the lovely city of Gay Paris. Whilst in Paris, we will be parking the aeroplane ‘Under the Dome’ near ‘The Dark Tower’ of Orly Airport. As it is a daytime flight, we will unfortunately be landing at half noon instead of ‘Four Past Midnight’. I do hope the unending boredom of a cargo flight doesn’t create a sense of ‘Desperation’ and turn you into a ‘Firestarter’.

Dude, this shit is hard work, even with the characters handed to you on a silver platter. Plus, you know… the whole having to write English pilots as English pilots thing. At least I got some practice writing “It Was Always There”, and I can choose a UK English dictionary so my spelling isn’t completely atrocious. My Google searches have become ridiculous… For a country that started out speaking British English, we’ve gone ahead and made a fucking mess of it. (Of course, in changing my Mac to accept the UK dictionary as the default, I’ve managed to change the American pound (hashtag) symbol to the symbol for the British pound (currency) as well. *sigh* It’s not worth looking to see if I can fix it, but it is a bit annoying.)

HOWEVER, I am impressed as fuck with myself for not needing to look up any of Stephen King’s works to do that cabin address. So there’s that in my favor.

(My little Johnlock - while not breaking any hits/comments/kudos/favorites records - has received nothing but positive feedback. w00t!!!!! I don’t want to post the link here out of shyness/stupidity, but I suppose if you search fanfiction.net or AO3 for “wendellgee” you’ll stumble upon it.)

*And again… I don’t own “Cabin Pressure”. I just like playing in Mr. Finnemore’s sandbox and should he choose to steal my little Stephen King cabin address… well, let’s just say I’d be too busy jumping up and down shouting “BRILLIANT!” to hire a solicitor.*