I need a mulligan!

Unfortunately, I’m still one of those assholes who make fun of Americans’ misunderstanding of English words…

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I had to apologize this morning for Guinness biting another dog at day care. Not really his fault (there was a skirmish in the pack and it was self-defense), but he broke the skin and the other dog needed stitches. It’s easy to forget he’s a big, tough, STRONG German Shepherd because he’s so ridiculously gentle most of the time… but dogs will be dogs, and he is a dog. Too many people forget that their dogs are dogs. I try not to.

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I got an email this morning that… I don’t know. I’m posting a heavily edited version here so I don’t lose it.

Ok, I don’t want you to think I am ignoring you… It isn’t anything to do with you, but more to do with a friendship you have rekindled… I’m not asking you to be involved. In fact, I am asking the opposite. I just wanted to inform you.

This person’s timing is freaky. This is now the second time they’ve brought up a topic on the tail of someone else bringing up the same thing. It’s the second time I’ve revised a blog entry draft because of that fact. (Get out of my head, you! *grin*)

The good news is that they were much nicer about it than the other person.

I’m never going to judge them for deciding to stay away from him.

I know that he’s done some major damage to people. I know he still has the potential to do some major damage. I know most of it is unforgivable. 

I do. I really do. It’s why we’ve done our little back and forth over the years. It’s why this time, I’m keeping my walls up. It’s why this time, I’m keeping my distance. A bit.

There’s only so much I can do… Moth to a flame, baby. Moth. To. A. Flame.

He needs me, and oddly, despite all the damage he can inflict on me (especially now when I’m a mental mess), I need him, too.

I’ll never be able to explain it. I’ll never be able to cut him out of my life 100%. Dog knows I’ve tried. More than once. Going all the way back to 1994.

Outside of my parents, there are two people whose absences from my life have cut me to the bone. They were the people who meant the most to me and were there when I needed them the most… and then they were gone.

He was one of them.

I’m glad that I don’t have to chose him over the note writer, and the more I chew on the other person’s reaction, I’m glad I’m choosing him over them.
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In happier news, I finally heard back from the hotel chain. He wants to do a ‘refresher’ interview since we last met in May. (I don’t know what else to call it…) So I guess I’m going back for a third.

Fingers crossed!