Any water left in that well?

The story is a sad one, told many times… the story of my life in trying times.

I’m reading a (painfully slowly updated) Cabin Pressure fan fiction full of Martin!whump. Basically, he’s all depressed and suicidal and Douglas comes to the rescue. While the author is talented, and the story is decent, I feel like they don’t get depression. Especially a suicidal depression.

You can’t just bounce back from wanting to kill yourself / jumping off a bridge as quickly as Martin seems to. At least, I can’t. It takes time, love, patience, love, and time. And patience. Did I say that already?

While I don’t want the author to have ever gone through what I have, I do believe in writing what you know. Research can only take you so far.

I’m not saying that I’m writing what I know (hello! gay sex!), but I’m touchy about people who write about mental illness. And yes, I’m a bazillionty hundred thousandy percent that there are gay men reading fan fic written by women who probably get pissed at unrealistic portrayals, too. Actually, I know for a fact that a gay guy took the time and wrote a guide on gay sex for fan fic authors… and I’m not ashamed to say I have it bookmarked. Just in case I want to pull a lemon out of my citrus pocket.

(I always feel like I need to preface shit like that with: “Pot. Kettle. Got it. Movin’ on.”)

But since I feel like the internet’s poster child for mental illness in my corner of the world, I want everyone to know exactly what it feels like to be suicidal. To plan the day you’re going to kill yourself. To face rushing water under a bridge and prepare to jump. I don’t want it glossed over which is what a lot of fiction writers do…

We’re never going to get the understanding, love, time and patience we need until people KNOW, until they get that punch in the gut that clues them into the fact that it’s not all in a depressed person’s head.

That this is real.

That this is painful.

That it fucking sucks.

I hate Martin!whump. I hate whump in all forms, so I’ll never write it, but damn, some days I want to.

Just so the authors can see how it really is.

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 07/10 at 01:35 PM
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