Good Advices

Equal opportunity

2008-08-23T01:02:00Z

arsey :: da ‘brook :: august 13, 2008

Arsey is the kind of dog my dad liked. Stupid. Lazy. Cute. The only thing she demands is love. 24/7/365. She can never get enough. NEVER. Actually, my dad did like her. A lot. And the feeling was pretty mutual. They were buddies for the brief time they knew each other.

I’ve been thinking about my dad a lot recently. I’ve had a few BFOs recently about my future - what I want, where I’m going, how I’m going to get there - and I think in terms of what would make my dad proud. Forget Jesus - WWMMDP is the question on all the cool kids’ lips.

It’s taken me a ridiculously long time to figure out what I want. Doing that horizons of focus bit a few weeks ago helped, but recent events at work are helping more. I know I can get what I want out of a workplace - I just need to take my time and make sure that what is shown to me is truly in line with what I want. It’s not easy. I’m so willing to jump at the first chance that it’s hard to take that step back and say “this is not what I want.” I’ve had some weird experiences lately. Twice I’ve been passed over at the last minute because the job description changed. I was jerked around by this guy who had no intention of hiring me due to my commute. I almost made one of the largest mistakes of my life when I seriously considered working in Worcester for the Baby Sharks.

Patience has never been my strong suit. And it’s never been Arsey’s either.

I think we both need a cookie and some lovin’.

In the moment

2008-08-21T00:38:00Z

with apache :: da ‘brook, nh :: august 13, 2008

Cesar Milllan, aka The Dog Whisperer,claims that dogs live in the moment.

I think that’s true. They have memories, yes, and they know things (like how to spell), but they still live in the moment.

Little Man is a perfect example. Where Arsey is needy and obnoxious about it, Apache is more likely to stay at a distance and watch. If it’s time for lovin’, he lets you know. He’ll rub up against your legs and give you the butt. He doesn’t like to have his head touched, but when it’s time, you can’t get his butt out of your face. Then there are moments like the one above.

I was playing with my new tripod and remote for the Nikon before heading to CT last week. I had been messing with Arsey because she’s easy to work with. (She’s yours for the low, low price of a cookie.) Apache’s a lot harder to work with, so I was letting him do his thing. I was laying on the floor, getting Arsey to look cute when I got attacked.

I can’t tell you how hard it was to get this picture, but moments like this are fleeting. As soon as the shutter snapped, he was back across the room, watching us.

With Apache, life is very much about that moment… the one minute out of several hundred when he must have lovin’ and will NOT be denied.

If he can give himself that freely to me for even a short time, I think I can let my walls down a little farther, a little more often.

Daddy needs a drink!

2008-08-18T01:11:00Z

instrument (the band) :: mohegan sun, uncasville, ct :: august 13, 2008

I’ve been really fortunate in the past two years. The ability to reconnect with old friends has been nothing short of amazing. Through Facebook and MySpace, I’ve found a lot of people I knew in college. It’s nice to be back in touch with them. Really nice.

One of the perks is that I’ve become a groupie of my friend Derek’s band. It wasn’t my intent, but since the drummer and I went to college together, marched bass drum together and hung out together in South Campus, it was kind of inevitable. It doesn’t help that the Latvian half of my brain goes to the shows, and where she goes, I will most likely follow. Just like in college. (Hey, an introvert like me needs to follow a bulldozer that’s plowing down a field of daisies. It makes my entry into social situations much less traumatic because all the attention is on the bulldozer. But in a good way. Honest.) It’s also kind of inevitable that I will find someone I went to college with at an Instrument show.

At any rate, I drove the two and a half hours to Connecticut to see Instrument play at Mohegan Sun in a Battle of the Bands. Their story never ceases to amaze me… Out of 300 something bands, they made the top eight. They haven’t been together very long and the last time I heard them play, they were really rough and I didn’t think they were very good. It’s amazing what a few months can do. Seriously. They’re amazing for being a little local band. Then again, I’ve had the pleasure of being friends with members of some of the best Connecticut bands ever - Spring Heeled Jack and BiG MiSTAKE - so this shouldn’t have been a huge shock.

Once we found Boski, we found the Dig Dugs. I haven’t seen these people in over 10 years and it was just like I’d last seen them yesterday at the practice field. (Well, with the exception that Dig Dug was carrying around a baby instead of an instrument...) There were lots of laughs and lots of fun. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose, non? It’s so weird to hang out with these people outside of the familiar settings, to include them in our new lives, but at the same time, it is so very, very nice.

I learned something Wednesday night. Something important. From someone who has instantly been granted membership in my small, exclusive outer circle just for that BFO.

I often forget that people don’t know both my parents died from complications due to alcoholism and that I don’t drink for that very reason. Now that I’m older (and somewhat wiser), I’m better around alcohol, but being around it still causes me to put my defenses up. So, at dinner with the band, friends and token bimbo, the lead singer, Ben, asked me if I wanted a drink. Instantly on the defensive because the rest of them were discussing beer, I told him I didn’t drink. The look on his face when he asked me, “Not even water?” was both adorable and heartbreaking. I had kind of tuned out the rest of them and I think he had noticed and was trying to bring me back.

So, yeah. Lesson learned… I might want to relax a little more when I get asked that vague a question. My response was appropriate had he asked me if I wanted a beer, but I shouldn’t always jump to that conclusion.

He was also responsible for teaching me what it feels to be like on the other side of the pre-hug size up. Normally, I’m the one that’s dealing with the whole-I-don’t-want-to-be-touched-by-someone-I-just-met thing. When he hugged V, I was kind of wondering if I should follow suit and then I was aware that I was being sized up in the same manner. Apparently, he’s rather shy. (Could have fooled me.) So we hugged. But when I was driving home, I couldn’t stop reflecting on how he affected me. It’s not often that my guard is down far enough for these things to actually affect me. Normally, I deflect things like that and I’ve become so good at it, I don’t normally know I’m doing it. For whatever reason, Wednesday night, I was totally in the moment. That really, seriously, never happens. Thanks, Ben!

I could really learn to like living in the moment. Luckily, I think I’ll have a lot more opportunities.

tap tap Is this thing on?

2008-07-07T01:23:00Z

michael stipe :: great woods (mansfield, ma) :: june 13, 2008

I’ve been a little busy since my last post…

1) I survived tax season and took a much deserved break from classes and life in general.

2) Got my other blog up and running. Feels good to be home. REALLY GOOD.

3) Spent some time with the in-laws and the reason God invented birth control.

4) Had a great weekend with my family - a little dinner, some perversion, lots of laughs. LOTS and LOTS of laughs.

5) Applied for a job in hockey… I didn’t get it, but things happen for a reason. After thinking about it, I’m not sure taking it would have been in my best interests.

6) Learned how to kayak. (We’ll be getting me one next summer. I don’t think J enjoyed sharing his today.)

7) Finished the guest bedroom and my scrapbook room. I did the scrapbook room in a Classic Pooh theme… NOT my best idea, but the room came out beautifully.

8) Did some serious introspection and will be revising the 5-year plan again.

9) Saw R.E.M. at ~~Great Woods~~ ~~Tweeter~~ Comcast—whatever it is now. Between J and & I we got some great pix.

I’ll be back—just trying to get back in the swing of photoblogging.

No, I cannot forget where it is that I come from - JCM

2008-03-02T23:57:00Z

my grandparents, ukie side :: wethersfield, ct :: february 1986

That might very well be the last picture ever taken of my grandfather. If memory serves, he passed away sometime in ‘86. Heart attack.

I spent most of this afternoon trying to clean my craft room up. I started in the closet and that’s as far as I got. I found a box of random stuff - old drama club bits, my UCONN Hockey scrapbook, my attempt at NaNoWriMo in ‘03, and lots of newspaper articles. Of course I had to look at each and every one. I had a very good, very long cry. I have articles from 1986 when Challenger exploded, I have the articles when Columbia experienced the same fate, I have the Sox winning the ‘04 World Series, I have the last day of the Whaler’s existance and I have a lot of 9/11 stuff. Painful. At least the NaNo was a nice palate cleanser.

I also managed to slice open my pinky with an X-acto knife, take a picture frame to the bridge of my nose and trip twice. Needless to say, the room is in worse shape than when I started.

So, Groundhog Day Resolution Day. I’m a wee bit early, but that’s OK.

1) Take (and pass) the CPA exam.
Wild Success: Getting my license.
Progess: Bought the study guide

2) Less dining out
Wild Success: More money, less weight.
Progress: Not much but I do sometimes take leftovers to work when there are some.

3) More time with friends
Wild Success:To really become a part of my friends’ lives again
Progress: I can’t always make it, but I’m doing more with them when I can.

4) Dedicate myself to my health
Wild Success:Getting down to my target weight
Progress: I’ve been trying to get in at least a half hour of Wii Tennis in a night (Haven’t looked at a scale yet...)

5) Use my camera at least one time a day
Wild Success: Completing all 366 “once a days”!!!
Progress: I let it go in February and started back up yesterday.

6) Knit more
Wild Success:More socks, a sweater for me
Progress: Frogged a pair of socks, lost 4 inches of a sweater.

7) Stop biting my nails
Wild Success: To have decent looking nails, instead of the raggy ones I have now
ProgressI have white showing on 5 fingers...perfect biting length. I haven’t given in yet. Photos next month.

8) Be myself more
Wild Success: To blog like myself again, get a card published
Progress:I’ve got the domain set up, I have the design, I just need to put it together. As for the cards...check in with me next month.

Vanished off the face of the earth

2008-02-24T21:50:00Z

bu vs maine :: agganis arena, boston, ma :: february 16 2007

I’m alive. Just buried.

Wonder Hubby’s mom has “the C-word” and we’ve been on pins and needles for a while. Waiting for news sucks. Having people in denial/controlling things that aren’t theirs to control is just making everything harder. On the school side, I have a 15 page group paper due last week. Yeah. That good. A member of my group, one that offered to do the bulk of the work, has vanished. Poof! Gone! Leaving me and the other person to pick up the slack. Did I mention I have another paper due? And a project? And a job that keeps me at work until noon on Saturday, killing all my good homework time?

Yeah.

In other news, I took a stab at getting rid of a vicious green-eyed monster attack.

My heritage is Ukrainian and god knows what else. There’s a lot of people with my last name and I’ve not had the time to work on my dad’s side of the family tree to figure out what’s out there. But I digress. Almost a year ago (!!!!!) I kissed and made up with a very old, very good friend. Who happens to be 100% Latvian. She speaks it. She lives it. Her name drips it. We talked at length about the Old Guard of each culture pushing out the younger generation and how my mother failed me by turning her back on her heritage. Then, I ran across my cousin on MySpace. Some bad blood started between my aunt and I after my mother died and I’ve just never been able to forgive her for it… and in doing so, distanced myself further from my Ukrainian side. My cousin spent a lot of time with my grandparents, and both her parents are Ukies, so I know she’s had a lot of exposure. And it pissed me off.

Between the two of them, they created this strange jealousy. One is so entrenched in her culture that it comes up often in conversation. Like every other word often. And I want that. I want to know people who share my blood and speak a language I don’t (yet) understand. My cousin spent more time with our grandparents than I did and I know she probably managed to pick up more than she realizes. To be left out hurts like I can’t even put into words.

When my father passed away, I became obsessed with knowing where I came from. It was too soon, and the project got put on the back burner. But with the reappearance of both of these people in my life, that project started whispering in my ear. I found a place in Boston that teaches the Ukrainian language and the culture. I’ve actually been in contact and will probably start after tax season. There’s supposedly a Ukie contingent in both Salem (MA) and JP...at least there are churches in both areas. Yeah, I said “churches”. Big ol’ Agnostic me, is seriously thinking about going back to church. Not for the religious aspects - I turned my back on God a long time ago - but for the social networking. I know, it’s a frightening thought.

It’s time for me to do this. To find that part of me and embrace it. To never let it go.

Groundhog Day Resolutions

2008-02-03T18:05:00Z

groundhog day resolutions :: da ‘brook :: two two ought eight

I linked to Dave’s take on Groundhog Day resolutions a few days ago. Considering my world was turned upside down in December, it was nice to have a little break to think about what I really wanted for myself this year.

1) Take (& pass) the CPA exam—duh! I need the CPA license if I want to be a cost accountant. It’s not required for my job at a CPA firm (but it is HIGHLY recommended) and it will bring a pay raise and allow me to go out on my own if I ever choose to do so.

2) Less dining out—We’re really lazy and fickle. It’s hard to go grocery shopping when we eat according to our moods. We’ve tossed more food because it sounded good at the time and then we weren’t in the mood for it or didn’t feel like cooking. That needs to stop.

3) More time with friends—If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: It’s awesome to have my family back together. ‘Nuff said.

4)Dedicate myself to my health—Between the bipolar and the weight, it’s time to get serious.

5) Use my camera at least once a day—I joined the Once a Day group on Flickr and then, life got in the way and it just wasn’t something I deemed important. It should be.

6) Knit more—I can run a yarn store off my stash. It’s time to start knitting between my sporadic visits to my Tuesday night group.

7) Stop biting my nails—Soon, I’m going to be doing client visits. My hands are a constant source of shame. I even went so far to visit a hypnotherapist but came away with disasterous results. I can do it - I got off to a good start last year and then all hell broke loose.

8) Be myself more - more creative outlets—I used to like web design, writing, scrapbooking and card making. Now it just seems like a lot of work… and it’s really not. It’s important for me to start doing these things again.

The David says when embarking on a project to imagine what wild success looks like and then go after it. I’m still working on that part...but I’m close to having a solid definition of wild success for each of these.

The Bubaru’s back and so is the bunny!

2008-01-23T03:34:00Z

bourque the bunny :: da ‘brook :: january twenty-second ought eight

When I last saw this little dude, he was living in my 1992 Subaru Loyale. Bourque the bunny - forever known as BuBu Bubaru Bunny.

After a long protracted battle with two Mazda dealers, I traded in my brand-new Mazda for a brand-new Forester. I should have gone back to Subaru instead of getting the Mazda… Oh well. Its all done. I’ve got a nice, shiny Subaru and some poor fool is getting my Mazda. I’d almost feel bad about it except “there’s nothing wrong with it.” As long as the new owner doesn’t hit potholes, they’ll be just fine. *sigh*

We got some really bad news last night… I’m having a hard time comprehending what it all means and what’s going to happen. I’ve always planned for the worst and hoped for the best - but thinking about the worst case scenario right now is making me sick to my stomach. I don’t often buy into prayers and all that, but one of the girls in my knitting group prayed and burned candles for me when I was going through the worst of the job doodie. Did she make it all pan out? Did my dad? I don’t know - but I don’t doubt that it helped.

Send good vibes… please.

No pic today

2008-01-21T01:23:06Z

Not in a picturey type of mood right now… but am focusing on the future.

Came across this (Groundhog Day resolutions) on a few different sites and decided this might be a good idea. I went though my old blog’s archives for 2007 and noticed that while I experienced a lot, most of it wasn’t productive and/or particularly happy. (For some reason there were a bunch of deaths this summer - Hubby’s dad, a friend from high school, a co-worker’s baby was stillborn, and the Colonel. And those are just the ones I can think of!)

That’s not to discount the absolutely amazing things that happened this year - Viz, Jeff, Bryan, Melanie - but 2007 was rough.

I’ve gotten a taste of 2008 and I’m pretty sure I know what I’m going to be working towards. I’ll post the finished list on 2/2.

3/366 - Unhappy Pooper

2008-01-16T01:37:00Z

apache :: da’ brook :: part of the once a day group on flickr :: 01 15 08

Apache decided he wasn’t a big fan of the shoulder deep snow. Instead of wandering around the yard like Arsey, he sat down and wouldn’t budge an inch until I told him we were going back inside.

Children!

*sigh*

Work is good. Keeping busy and wondering how I’m going to get my homework done if I don’t start cracking down. I did manage to sign up for my last two classes. I won’t be walking in May due to a technicality, but I don’t really care. I’ve already had a graduation ceremony and I don’t feel like waiting until ‘09 to walk with all the honor regalia. Oh well. I’ll still be holding a graduation party at some point this summer. Save the date cards will be in the mail soon. Maybe.

1/366 - Plum Island, MA

2008-01-13T22:00:00Z

somewhere on rt 1 :: plum island/newburyport, ma :: part of the once a day group on flickr :: 01 13 08

I’m about a week away from using New Hamster’s lemon law… Martin the Merry Mazdamobile the 2nd has decided he doesn’t like to keep his wheels balanced. I got him in March and he was at the dealer in September and October to get balanced. Then this week I spent $100 to have my favorite tire place look at them… the guy told me that if it’s the 3rd time they’ve been that out of balance I should really have the dealership take the car and keep it until they find out what’s wrong with it.

I was all set to just let it go as long as the car stayed in balance. Until Friday morning. I was getting onto 95, just about to shift gears when my steering wheel jerked to the right. Like someone just gave it a good yank. I called the dealer I bought the car from and they were giving me a hard time scheduling an appointment. Then the guy was like, oh you just drove through a puddle and lost control. Yeah, it was raining, but do I LOOK like that kind of moron? There was no puddle on the road.

I brought it to the dealership I almost bought the car from* and dealt with the owner today. I know he can’t replicate the jerk, I don’t even know if it’s related and I have no idea if the car will go out of balance while they have it, but he promised me they would do everything he could to repair it. His dealership has never had a problem they couldn’t fix. While I’m not keen on the idea of yet another new car, I’m starting to look around. If they can’t fix it, I don’t want another Mazda. I think I’ll go back to driving a Subaru.

*sigh*

* I didn’t buy the car from this dealership because the sales guy was a complete jerk and wouldn’t budge on the price or my trade in. I got a better model for the same price plus a couple of grand extra on my trade in… at this rate, it probably would have evened itself out, though.

While I’m thinking about it, I still wouldn’t recommend them. The owner’s attitude about the other dealership, while understandable, was a turn off. That was before he flipped the bird. Yeah. Exactly. If they can fix it, great. But it still won’t change my mind about them.

Happy new year!

2008-01-01T23:58:00Z

from my most favorite coffee mug :: da ‘brook :: 2007

There isn’t much I can say about 2007… I made up with my very best friend in the whole world. How the heck do you top that?!?! You know, you make these friendships, they end and life goes on. Maybe you know what you’re missing, maybe you don’t. One day, life gives you the much-needed kick in the pants you didn’t know you needed, and all of sudden you find yourself wondering why things were the way they were for so long. I lucked out—I got my family back together. It’s my first holiday season in several years where I didn’t get all maudlin over who I was missing. Instead I thought about the people I had back in my life… A much better way to spend the holidays.

So yeah. I’ve had a mostly wonderful 2007 and I don’t feel like dwelling on the parts that sucked.

2008 may see a lot of things. And it may not. I’m not even a full day into the year yet- I have no idea what I want for myself this year. In the past three weeks, my little 5 year plan got completely derailed and I’ve had to start all over. It’s not been easy and I certainly don’t want to just decide on some random things so I can feel good about putting together a stupid list.

I’ve got my ubiquitous capture tool, clothed in a beautiful hunter green leather coat, and a wonderfully scritchy fountain pen. I’ll be just fine.

Christmas lessons

2007-12-25T19:07:00Z

apache and arsey :: da ‘brook :: christmas eve 2007

I haven’t liked Christmas in a very long time. To me, all the gift giving is such a hassle. Wrong sizes, wrong colors, gift cards to places we’d never go...never mind that on our end we have lost gift cards and mispicked orders sent to us. I’d much rather spend the time just being with my family and friends than worry about whether or not they like the contents of the boxes. But every year, I get a little better with it. This year, I’m actually listening to Christmas songs. Granted, it took me until 3 PM today to fire up the iTunes playlist, but they’re on.

Every year, I also tend to learn a valuable lesson. Normally, they’re of the personal sort and related to my status as an orphan, but this year I actually learned some lessons worth sharing. Enjoy!

Things NOT to say during your Christmas vacation:

1) One more game! (Said during hour 2 of a 6 hour Lego Star Wars marathon)

2) Holy cow, is this sweater fugly! (Yeah. It really is.)

3) Do I look like a girl? (Wonder Hubby ofter opening a package containing a very feminine looking Halloween t-shirt.)

4) C’mon, you wuss, let’s go! (Wii Sports - Boxing, after I won a match, and lost the next two.)

5) I don’t need a level! (Apparently, I DID need a level to hang the corkboard. Whoops.)

Things not to buy with Christmas money:

A freakin’ Nintendo Wii. That thing is such a major time suck. Plus the active games, like Wii Sports, are really ACTIVE. We’re still sore after a few games of tennis, baseball and the previously mentioned boxing matches.

Things to buy with Christmas money:

1) A Keurig B60 We have one of these at work and while I love it, I was never going to buy one - I mean a buck fifty for a freakin’ coffemaker?!?! I became converted after 4 days in a row of washing out a coffee pot for one cup of coffee. It should be here soon!!!!

2) A Circa Zip Folio Since I’ve finally decided to become a true grownup (wearing suits to work every day creates a different mind frame than my usual jeans and sweaters...), I decided to buy a nice cover for my beloved Circas.

Obligatory year end post

2007-12-22T23:48:00Z

me with my d40 :: da ‘brook :: september sixteenth two thousand seven

My life has always been this incredible ride - some years more than others. This year, I’ve seen The David twice, mended fences with old friends, made superficial contact with old friends and family members, hung out with people I love dearly and don’t see enough of, dropped more balls than I can count, made new friends, lost some, did a very good deed, started watching football (!!!!), went to Ohio and changed jobs (which included changing the 5 year plan).

Normally I do a silly new year’s resolution list and I probably will again this year. It’s the joy of the fresh start, not the actualization of anything on that list, mind you… I do want to do one thing and get it done before I go back to work on Wednesday and that’s finish this stinkin’ design. None of the back pages are finished and that bothers me. I hate leaving things undone - I’ve come to learn that its not the end of the world & that I’m doing more important things with that time (homework, Wii, family, sleep) but that doesn’t make it any less grating.

I have also closed up shop on my other blog. I didn’t like where it went after I had a pretty good breakdown and I wanted a fresh start - without my name attached. I’ve got a new domain, privately registered, and I’ve begun using that persona in a couple of forums. It’s not as comfortable as “Matty”, but since I’ve been a Mat for a long time, I’m sure the new name will grow on me. Whatever. The whole point is, I miss my daily rants full of language I do not wish co-workers and other random googlers to find. This here is nice but very stifling.

I did a lot of stuff this year that I wasn’t planning on and discovered, for the zillionth time, that my father was right. I can survive. I am strong. I am independent. I am me, and that ain’t such a bad thing lately.

It’s funny that everything that happened this year was never on my 2007 list of resolutions. I guess we’ll just have to see what winds up on my 2008 List of Things That I Want To Do But Will Probably Never Get To.

Have a happy and safe holiday weekend, no matter how you plan on spending it.

I love sammiches

2007-12-14T03:53:01Z

l boy sandwich:: winchester, ma :: december eighth, two thousand seven

You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need. —Rolling Stones

After a wicked ugly fight, I finally made up with an old friend. She was coming up on Saturday to hang out when our third friend called. He and his brother would be an hour away. Did we want to meet up with them? Um, YEAH!!!!! (No, the surprise is not a pony. You could ride it if you want, but I wouldn’t recommend it.)

It was the most twisted, most disgusting, most juvenile, and most AMAZING day of my entire life (she says...). There’s a very specific chemistry the four of us have - and it’s not meant for everyone. I haven’t laughed that long and that hard in forever.

I am constantly reminded of why I fought so hard to move back to New England. it was definitely the best thing I have ever done with my life to this point.