Sunday, May 21, 2023

A Man and His Moose

A very unusual story and very amusing - I had to read it twice!


A Man and His Moose
A True Story by Wendell Gee, Fourth Grader

Softly and silently, he crept into the car and drove to Westown Pharmacy. Little did he know I was in the car watching as he bought a mini Hallmark reindeer.

When he got home, he carefully took off the tags and called this poor reindeer “Herbie the Moose” (Maybe because this man works for the company with a moose!)

This is what this man and his moose did: they went in the car together and they walked around the house together, When they went in the car, Herbie was on the steering wheel or the dash. When they walked around the house, Herbie was on this man’s head.

When I bug him, he sends Herbie, his “attack moose” after me! Remember when Burger King was having their Herb ads? This man would make his Herb say, “Daddy! Daddy! They want me! They want me! Daddy, please bring me to Burger King so we can be $5,000 richer!” and this man would say “why would I only be $5,000 richer? I thought it was $10,000,” and Herbie would say, “I want half!”

When Herbie makes me mad, I send him flying! But, when that doesn’t work, I put him in some of these: freezer, sock/underwear drawer, the cellar, behind the couch, or in my puppy’s mouth.

When this man uses Herbie, I think he is getting senile early. Sometimes, he puts Herbie in front of a petrified cow turd and says Herbie is taking a poop!

This man I ought to know because he is my Dad.


The “company with a moose” logo. NOT a moose, btw…

Herb commercial

The best picture they have of him is one where he’s literally holding a bowling ball in front of his face… This was considered one of the biggest flops in marketing history, as the year-long campaign never caught on and nearly sunk Burger King altogether.

I am absolutely DYING at the video description. Also, upon reflection, I think the bowling ball thing is the inspiration for the #geeselfie tag I’m fond of using on the Book of Faces. (Don’t tell me advertising doesn’t work!)

The original

Dude, what the fuck was up with that handwriting?!?!?!

Also - that fucking cow turd.

He bought it somewhere as a random souvenir during a trip to Texas. That thing… wow. I haven’t seen it or thought of it in DECADES, but.

I can picture it perfectly.

Shall we say hashtag scarred for life? Because. Yeah. Abso-fucking-lutely.

Posted by Matty on 05/21 at 01:01 PM
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