completely random

Tuesday, December 28, 2021

Alphabet Soup

the boxes (and bags) OF DOOM

I don’t know what started it, but there has been a trend among my friends to post articles about ADHD.

I’ve already been diagnosed with a few things, with bipolar being the #1 diagnosis - from several doctors, and even a few therapists - so bipolar is the benchmark.

Anyhoo… one of the things I’ve seen several times is the tendency to put clutter in boxes so that it doesn’t have to be dealt with immediately, but it’s removed from sight. And, oh, holy fuck, does that make so much sense. I’ve had clutter boxes my entire life. Once I found out I was bipolar, I decided that this was a symptom of it. I clean during manic phases and I box during depressed ones. What happens when I’m forever depressed? MORE BOXES!

So, yeah. In the spirit of full disclosure, this is about two or three years worth of clutter boxes (and several bags). We painted my office last year and I’m just now finally working my way through the Boxes of Doom!.

Why the Boxes of Doom!, you ask? Because, half the fucking time, they’re filled with memory landmines.

You know, those things you randomly stumble across that rip open wounds that had been slow to heal in the first place? Yeah. Those.

I’ve gone through three boxes this morning and I have cried during every one. My offer letter from the Cats was in one box, photos of my parents and I at Disney World in another… just weird shit that I am not equipped to deal with right now.

And, can we talk about that photo with my parents? The photo is of myself and my parents in front of the castle and we are wearing matching Mickey Mouse shirts. OH. MY. GOD. We were that family back in 1980. We were wearing MATCHING SHIRTS. (I’m pretty sure it was my idea, too.) I make fun of those families now… and I am obviously the one that started the trend. Fuck. Me.

I still have boxes and boxes of clutter - and memory landmines - to get through, but I’m pretty sure this is what the articles are talking about.

I feel both seen and attacked, and I don’t like either.

(I suppose the joke’s on my most recent former employer… I had two clutter boxes at the office and a clutter folder on my desktop and a clutter folder in my inbox. In my defence, those things did not appear until Ida decided to visit Louisiana this year and I was overloaded with minutiae. Oh well. I hope they have fun with that.)

Posted by Matty on 12/28 at 02:09 PM
bipolarcompletely randomPermalink

Thursday, December 16, 2021

I never thought that I could be who I am

this. fucking. show.

Spending Christmas with Matt Nathanson again (a week early). His raunchy Christmas carols are everything. Having access to the Christmas livestreams until the 19th is not going to be long enough. (Seriously, his live shows are awesome… He is absolutely hilarious.)

Probably not a surprise, but I haven’t been training for Dopey like I should be. Because I’m a fucking idiot and 2020/2021 wiped away all interest in doing anything. I even struggled with Racery events…

I had signed up for a 10K/Half combo up in West Palm Beach for last weekend, and I only completed the 10K.

I kept a strong 16:30mm pace and still had enough energy at the end to keep going, so that was really good.

I didn’t even bother going to the half… because of George.

George is the massively nasty, never healing, blister on my right foot. He lives on the ball of my foot right under my big toe. He showed up during Wine and Dine, I took time off to let him heal. He came back for the Turkey Trot… and he came back for the Palm Beaches 10K. With Dopey literally right around the corner, I wasn’t going to deal with him during a 13 mile walk.

I had moved from Hoka Arahi 3s to the Arahi 4 and it made me miserable. There was something weird about the 4s… I don’t know what Hoka changed, but YUCK! I had a decent coupon and tried Brooks Ghosts. Despite being highly recommended, they sucked for me. They didn’t even make it onto the treadmill, but they’re perfect to wear to work. Then, I did more research and decided on the Asics Gel Nimbus. I loved them so much during several Racery events, I bought two pairs.

Only to discover that they’re the reason for the blisters. On a treadmill, they’re fine. Absolutely no problems what so ever. But when it comes to the road, it’s a different story. Stability. Cushioning. Blah, blah, blah… all things that I had researched and thought I got right.

So, now I run in Brooks Glycerins and am no longer a member of Ravenclaw. Because, seriously? After all that, I can’t possibly be one of the Smarts any more. Damn. I’m due for a Puffs the Play rewatch because I’ve been quoting it a lot lately.

I’ve got a Dopey simulation coming up this weekend and it was supposed to start tonight. Of course, I have a super bad headache. I was so nervous about my interview this morning that I skipped breakfast altogether. No caffeine. At all. The headache has been so bad that I napped on the couch for a bit earlier. I NEVER NAP. If I didn’t have such a hot date with Matt, I would have skipped the nap and just gone to bed. That’s how bad it is.

(OK. I AM DYING. Matt just looked up Disappear on Spotify because he couldn’t remember the chord it started with. I still think looking for his own lyrics on google was the best, though. Fuck, dude. That show was the last IRL concert we attended. That’s way too long to go without live music.)

(STILL DYING. He’s totally fucking up Bottom of the Sea now… which he also just listened to on Spotify because he couldn’t remember that one, either.)

Short post, but there’s a lot of noise in my head right now and I can’t focus on squat right now. I also have a lot of stuff to talk about, but there’s also a bunch of stuff I don’t want to talk about, either.

Posted by Matty on 12/16 at 10:11 PM
completely randommusic is liferunningPermalink

Saturday, October 30, 2021

NO TOUCHY

reminds me of the 75 different versions of the SG budget…

 

І ми продовжуєм нести свій прапор, а не хрест. Ми продовжуєм іти на власний Еверест.

And we continue to carry our banner, but not our cross. We continue to walk on our own Everest.

- - - - - - - - - -


SOOOOOOO.

We are at 5 days until Wine and Dine. FIVE! DAYS!

Five days until I run a 5K, a 10K, and a half marathon around Epcot. (And some Disney parking lots… *sigh*)

Yeah.

I can’t say that I’ve trained particularly well, but it can’t be nearly as hard as a Racery event.

(Also, whoever curated the runDisney Training playlist on Spotify needs some serious help. I find none of the songs inspiring.)

 

- - - - - - - - - -

A zillion years ago, I wrote about this nifty little report I was trying to write.

A quick rundown of the process:

I beat the snot out of QuickBooks until I could run two reports.

I export those reports to Excel and clean them up. QuickBooks exports the Estimates vs Actuals report like… well, it looks like it barfed data all over the place. So, there’s a lot of cleaning up of that particular report. The custom Customer report isn’t nearly as bad, but it’s not necessarily great, either.

Once that’s done, I import them into Access.

Run a couple of queries.

Load the report.

And BOOM!

A very usable, very pretty, Jobs in Progress report.

It mooshes, it squooshes, it slices, it dices!

Until you try to update the data.

And then it’s a different type of BOOM!

Yeah… I broke the fuck out of that when I went to update the data.

Part of the problem is that I couldn’t append the new information because it would create duplicates. It wouldn’t be such a bad thing, but it was hard to parse out the old data that way. So, I got the bright idea to append and then delete the old data.

And it was beautiful.

All the queries worked, but the report didn’t.

I thought it had something to do with the dataset becoming screwed up when I deleted the old data.

So I went to the backup I made. And then, because I don’t trust myself, I created a back up of THAT backup.

I named it NO TOUCHY because, well, I kept over writing the first backup.

I swear, I am smart.

Anyhoo…

I beat my head against the wall for a few weeks, playing with it here and there, when I had a spare moment at work.

Yesterday, I had the hallelujah moment.

I HAD NAMED ONE OF THE FIELDS DIFFERENTLY.

Turns out there is a big fucking difference between CustNum and Cust Number. ESPECIALLY when the damn thing is looking for CustNum.

So now, my pretty report works again.

About fucking time.

 

- - - - - - - - - -

Great snippet of life at home:

Me: So, I’m watching Titans and it’s OK. You know, DC Comics, Robin.

Him: I thought you didn’t like superheros.

Me: No, I don’t, but I’m totally down for some Dick Grayson.

Him: Dick Racing?

Me: That too.

 

Posted by Matty on 10/30 at 04:00 PM
#threewordscompletely randomrunningPermalink

Saturday, July 31, 2021

Oh. Fuck.

all I need is a 16 minute mile… and to NOT die

Soooooooooooooooo

Assuming the new wave of Coronavirus doesn’t cancel the races, I’m running both Wine and Dine and Marathon weekends.

Yes.

THE FUCKING DOPEY CHALLENGE. #DOPEY2021 IS REAL (although a year late)

I have no idea what I’m doing - I had planned on skipping the race this year. But it’s the 50th anniversary of the House of Mouse and I plan to be one and done, so why not?

My newsfeed was packed full of people wanting to register so I didn’t think I had a hope in hell of making it in.

Yeah… my luck is never that good. LOL

One more time for those not obsessing over these races with me:

Wine & Dine - 5K, 10K, Half Marathon - 4 medals - one for each race and one for the two course challenge (10K + half). That’s 22.4 miles over three days. The 5K is optional, but why the fuck not? It’s a practice run for January.

Dopey kicks it up a notch - 5K, 10K, Half, Full Marathon - 6 medals - SIX! - one for each race, then the Goofy Challenge (half + full), and then the Dopey medal. None of the races are optional. That’s 48.6 miles over four days.

There is something wrong with me.

Speaking of things that are wrong with me…

I get lost in video games when I can’t get lost in my head. There’s too much noise in there right now as I start to approach being stable.

The mood swings are lessening. The depression is no longer such a heavy weight on my shoulders. (Still there, still affecting the day-to-day, but there is finally - FINALLY!!!!! - a light at the end of the tunnel. AND it’s not a train!)

All because we hired an AP person…. and now I don’t know what to do on the weekends.

But, anyhoo, all that to say, I’m addicted to the Sims 4 again. (I’m also oddly into watching speed builds on YouTube and I still can’t wrap my brain around how that’s a valid form of income…)

One of the Simmers uses two mods that I was really interested in and I decided to try them. (MC Command Centre and UI Cheats) Then I fell down the rabbit hole of custom content and other mods.

There is a bipolar mod. A BIPOLAR MOD.

And one that brings drugs into the Sims. You want to grow weed in your place? OK. You want to sell weed? MMDA? Coke? Heroin? Yup. All of it.

You can even make your sim an alcoholic / stoner / addict. It shows the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ of a chemically altered life.

Of course, I had to check that shit out.

So… I made a sim that highlighted the “best” parts of my mother:

Bipolar? Check

Smokes weed from time to time? Check

Constantly drunk? Check check

Yeah… that sim didn’t last too long before I cheated to get rid of the bipolar and and make them sober.

Plus, you know, I play to escape reality… not live it in a virtual world.

I haven’t looked too deeply into the 18+ mods and custom content because… I don’t know… they feel too dirty for the Sims. But if I were into that… my sims could be a prostitute, run a strip club, be a porn star, make sex tapes, and leave dildos and condoms all over the bedroom. Like seriously… if that’s your cup of tea, you’ll find everything you want and more.

Yeah… that’s not really for me.

It was kind of eye opening to see just how much content is out there, though. I’ve never been into mods and custom content, but I downloaded a bunch of “safe” things - just boring, vanilla, game play modifications.

I’ve got a bunch of things to do this weekend, so I’m going to end it here.

(Besides, there are cows and llamas and chickens to buy after I build my country house in Henford-on-Bagley!!!) MOOOOOOOOO!

(and holy shit - this entire post is textbook mania in a written form. whoops)

Posted by Matty on 07/31 at 09:38 AM
bipolarcompletely randomrunningso many fandomsPermalink

Friday, July 02, 2021

Bork bork bork

just some adorable #otayuri because I can

Oh. My. Fuck.

Please, someone, make sure my tombstone reads “... and she went off into the sunset shouting, NO BETA! WE DIE LIKE MEN!

Life does not need to take direction from some stupid question asked by a stupid teenager on a stupid Facebook group.

Besides, didn’t I say I was the deadest of doves?

A few nights ago, I decided to do Camp NaNoWriMo, because why the fuck not? I’m not working weekends any more and torturing myself sounds like a perfectly good idea.

I set a lofty goal of 500 words during the month of July. Not a typo. 500 words. That’s a whopping 17 words a day.

Why such a low, totally achievable in one day goal?

Because. Ukrainian.

I am going to blog a minimum of 20 words a day in Ukrainian and NOT rely on Google Translate. I’m hoping that I can remember more words than I need to look up, but it’s already day two and I’m out of ideas.

Blogging. In Ukrainian.

Nope. This isn’t a bad idea in the slightest. (The fuck-it factor comes back to haunt me…)

There’s one teeny, tiny, little issue.

My current webhost HATES Cyrillic. For whatever reason, too much Ukrainian causes them to shut my site down. Some sort of protection against Russian bots, I guess.

Despite that, I decided that I would use a domain already set up on this host to blog from and use WordPress. I didn’t want to recreate the wheel, after all. Blogging in Ukrainian is going to be hard enough. No reason to drive myself crazier by needing a whole new blog.

I want to like WordPress. I really, really, do. Shit, I know the person who named it.

But I’ve been with ExpressionEngine since it was still pMachine… and now that it’s on version SIX(!!!) and FREE(!!!), I figured I would try to use EE instead of WP.

Well.

The EE install went bad. Terribly.

I had to update the PHP version and then this thingy wouldn’t work. I downgraded PHP and then that thingy wouldn’t work. The permissions wouldn’t stick.

It was a fucking nightmare.

I decided to go back to WP, because why not. A 1-step install. Even I couldn’t fuck that up.

NO BETA! WE DIE LIKE MEN!

I didn’t need to do a back up. How badly could I fuck up my site?

Badly, in fact.

So badly that I was in tears waiting for tech support to find a backup for me.

So. Yeah.

I ended up installing WP in the wrong directory.

Lost UGCU. Lost GA. Lost WAE.

I don’t even know how I took out Good Advices and With an E considering I installed WP in the UkieGirl directory…

WordPress overwrote my ExpressionEngine index.php file.

I uploaded the original one from the EE download folder.

I uploaded the one from Good Advices and fixed the one setting that I changed.

I uploaded the one from With an E.

*crickets*

They found a backup and GA came back to life. UkieGirl came back to life. With an E has never seen the light of day, but the test page loaded OK.

After that, I decided to move to a new webhost.

I did the 1-step WP install and began to hate life.

I still hate life, but there is no way in fuck that I am doing any of that again.

Posted by Matty on 07/02 at 04:24 PM
completely randompolyglot in trainingPermalink
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